Wild Orchid
by elfprincess8
Summary: Edward Cullen, Lord of Cullenwood Manor must make a dangerous trip to the Amazon to return a cursed idol, stolden by his grandfather. With him on this journey, is his lover, the American, Texan, Jasper Whitlock. Will their love protect Edward from this curse against his family or will Edward's obsession with the exotic, native boy, Jacob destroy their love? Not a threesome fic!
1. Chapter 1

Wild Orchid

Chapter One

The journal entries of Lord Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen discovered, washed up on the shores of the Orinoco River, in the jungles of Venezuela on August 3, 1965.

July 2, 1934

My father was dead. I stood by, on that dark and abysmal day, as he was laid to rest in the family crypt. My only consolation being that his long-suffering was finally at and end. I had been forced to watch it, helplessly, through those many years. His last words to me, as he lay struggling for his final breaths, had been heavy with his hopes for my future and his love for me.

"Edward, take it back. Take that damnable thing back to the jungle where your grandfather found it and leave it there. Break this curse and end the plague upon our house. Do this before it is too late for you."

I'd traced his name upon the stone, etching plate with my fingers, "Lord William Carlisle Cullen." How I missed him so and yet he had been gone only those three days. I had drowned my grief in the bottle as best I could and taken my only refuge in the arms of my lover, my secret lover, who masqueraded as my American friend and companion.

Oh had we not been so careful? But did they, my servants, and the few surviving members of my extended family, not suspect? Did they whisper about Jasper and I behind closed doors? It mattered not. He was my only solace against that ocean of pain and I would not sink our ship.

"Take it back," he said. "Take the cursed thing back to the jungles." I'd had no idea under heaven how I should ever undertake such a thing. I was not an adventurer. That title had fallen to my grandfather. His exploits were legendary and still discussed in the small taverns and pubs round about. He'd brought back treasures so amazing that the King himself had deigned to come and view them on display at the London Museum. How could I, a simple man of books and music, ever hope to compete with a man of such robust passions?"

And so my lover had found me, standing as I was often wont to do, looking out over the expanse of well-manicured rose gardens that were laid in long before my mother came so to treasure them. The first corner stone of my home, Cullenwood Manor, was laid on October 7, in the year of our Lord 1104. King Henry the 1st was the ruling monarch of England at that time and my ancestors, who commissioned the building of our home, were his cousins and noblemen of high military and public standing. Cullenwood Manor had come to symbolize for us, our connection to the royal family and our status as noblemen in our country.

To say that I didn't love that house would be a complete farce. I was as attached to those ancient, stone walls as I was to my very skin. That house was a part of me as it had been a part of my father and in some small way, my dubious grandfather, though he spent more of his life in far off places of fantastic venue than within its sheltering walls. My father told me that my grandfather had often commented that Cullenwood, with its many obligations, had become for him almost like a prison. I thank the Lord above that it had never felt like such to me but I was a simple man, a country gentleman and that was the life I wanted.

But my Jasper, how could I tell him that I must now leave this sheltered existence and make a journey that may well mean the end of me? How many noblemen did I know, who had gone off into the jungles of the Amazon, or India and disappeared forever, victims of some wild animal, warlike native or parasitic disease? I was no hunter of antiquities. I was not a man of great passions, though Jasper might disagree with that sentiment. I could not drag my precious love with me on such a journey and yet I could not imagine being without him for even one day.

He came to me as I stood there, a young lord looking out over his small kingdom. My love, my heart, a rebel come from rebellious America, the country lost to its motherland. Jasper, my beautiful and rambunctious Texan; the fetching young man I'd first encountered within the walls of Oxford University where I was finishing my higher education. He'd come with his father on business to London and taken a tour of the campus. Jasper had fancied that he might like to finish his schooling in just such a place. I would become quite thankful that he had chosen to do just that.

I was fascinated by this dapper American with his rich, southern accent and his jade-green eyes. He seemed demure, almost, to me as he would lower his head and look up at me in a most coquettish way. As if he was trying to lure me into his bed, as if he needed to lure me. I'd given my heart to the handsome Texan, almost the moment I laid my eyes upon him.

"Do not be sad, my love. He doesn't suffer. He is now with your mother and that is as it should be. You are lord of the manor, Edward. What will you do with it?" he'd asked me as he placed his lean arms around my waist and pressed his warm, comforting body against me from behind.

"What will I do with it?" I'd wondered aloud.

Jasper had rested his chin upon my shoulder and sighed. "I suppose you were planning on stealing away and leaving me when you go off to the jungle?"

I'd drawn in a deep breath, shocked at his question. I'd tried to be so careful that he wouldn't learn of that promise I'd made to my father. I moved out of his arms and turned to face him.

"Jasper, I can't ask you to come with me…"

"Hush that kind of talk! You would have to chain me in the dungeon to keep me from coming with you! Why a trip to the Amazon would be like a dream come true for me! What man studying botany, wouldn't jump at the chance to make such a journey?" he'd said with conviction.

"Jasper, I'm going into a dangerous part of the world to try and find a lost pyramid deep within the jungle. I have, to guide me, only a hastily and poorly drawn map. I go to take back a little, ivory idol that my grandfather foolishly removed, under duress, from the natives. I would imagine that they won't be any too pleased with me when they discover the meaning of my journey."

"But Edward, I could document the plant life along the way. I could take my ledgers and draw and photograph new species of orchids. I have always found them so fascinating. Imagine it, my love! Perhaps I could find the elusive Sobralia Orchid itself. What if I brought back a sample of it to England? Oh, Edward, you couldn't really go and leave me behind, could you, my love?" he'd begged with imploring eyes.

"No, Jasper, I wouldn't leave you. Not when you are so passionate to accompany me. I wouldn't deny you your opportunity to find that which you seek. Perhaps you were meant to go. In truth, I've been torn over leaving you and now, I must admit, that I'm so pleased to have that weight off my shoulders."

We'd stepped inside the French doors, closing them behind us and draping them with the fine, silk curtains. I had taken my love's hand and led him over to the fireplace. I bade him stand by while I reached up and moved aside, the painting of my grandfather, the adventurer, which hung above it. Secured behind the painting, was a vault and only I alone, now that my father was no more, knew the combination. I worked the numbers and opened the little compartment. Secreted inside, wrapped in many layers of soft, white leather, was the small, ivory idol.

I reached inside and removed the thing, loathe as I was to touch it. I uncovered it with disdain and sat it upon the mahogany desk for Jasper to see. It was just a little thing, carved so exquisitely of fine ivory. A statue of a man, his arms upraised, holding a menacing looking trochanter as if to bring it down upon the head of some poor, unsuspecting victim. The little man was naked and his phallus was raised. I had been told that such statues were often used in fertility rites or to bring rain for the crops. I didn't pretend to understand what the symbolism meant but Jasper, in seeing this damn thing for the first time, was taken by its vulgarity.

"Why, it was made for us, my love!" he jested.

"Jasper, do not make jokes. This thing has brought the death of the lord of this manor ever since it was placed here by my grandfather," I'd said as I reached for the thing and quickly covered it with the leather.

I'd been happy to have the idol safety within the vault and covered with the painting of the man who had stolen it from its resting place so many years ago. As I replaced the painting and turned to face my love, I saw in his eyes, the longing for me that always melted my resolve. He reached up and placed his hands on either side of my face and brushed my lips softly with his.

Jasper had spoken no words to me but the expression on his handsome face had been all the encouragement I needed. He would help me forget my grief for my father for a moment; he would remove my trepidation over the journey ahead. Just for this one, stolen moment in time, this golden afternoon together, alone, in my rooms; he would destroy my imaginary boundaries and tear down the walls I'd built to protect myself. Jasper was the water that quenched my thirst in a desert of painful memories.

We had lain down together in my huge, mahogany, canopied bed and drawn the curtains around us to hide our shameful act. Shameful to the rest of the world, perhaps but to me he was my life, my soul, my reason for rising in the morning and the one thing that brought me pleasure when the lights were extinguished. If I'd died that day, I would have been a blessed man for the knowing of him and for the fact that he so freely gave of himself to me.

After it was done, we had lain there together, his head resting against my shoulder, my fingers playing with his golden curls. I found that our loving had filled me with a kind of unspoken bravado. Perhaps there was something of the wayward journey-man in me, come down from my legendary grandfather. Mayhap I would discover that I did enjoy trekking through the foreign jungles with my lover at my side. I'd begun to look forward to it with a zest that surprised me. Yes, I would do as my father had asked of me. I would return that thing to its rightful place. I would end the curse against my beloved Cullenwood and I would not do it alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Wild Orchid

Chapter Two

I was impatient to be off. It was simply too wet, cold and dreary a day to be standing idly on the Warf, waiting for our boat. Jasper and I were taking a skiff across the channel to France where we would travel overland to the city of Biscarrosse, France. Once there, we would be boarding a Latecoere 521 seaplane that would be flying us on the 4,360 mile journey across the Pacific to Tucupita, Venezuela.

Jasper had brought with him, all his camera equipment and a goodly supply of books on botany and the Amazon. Practical chap that he was, Jasper believed all of the answers to life's questions could be discovered within the pages of books. I, on the other hand, was skeptical. I'd seen to many coincidences to believe that there wasn't some outside influence acting upon our lives at times.

I stood watching as the blokes working the docks that morning loaded our steamer trunks aboard the little boat and then motioned for Jasper and I to get on deck. Chaffing as I was to get the trip underway, I turned to look back, one last time, at the shores of my beloved England. Standing on the docks was the caretaker of Cullenwood, Charles Swan and his lovely young daughter, Isabella. They would have Cullenwood in their keeping while Jasper and I were away.

Charlie raised his hand in farewell and saluted me as our little craft drifted into the heavy mists obscuring the channel that morning. It would be a very long time before I would see his face again. Jasper sighed and gripped the railing. He was as anxious as I, to be started off but he too would miss Cullenwood.

"Edward, do you think we will be bored on the plane?" he asked, glancing slyly over at me.

"I would doubt that possibility, my love," I whispered, leaning toward him and winking my eye.

He turned back to the water, smiling to himself. Jasper, my Jasper, love of my nights and light of my day, I prayed that nothing would ever take me from him.

I drew forth from my coat pocket a flask of strong brandy and took a healthy draught of it. I had chosen a drink that I knew would keep my inards warm that chilly morning. I passed the flask to Jasper who also imbibed. I took nearly two hours to cross the channel in that dratted fog but all too soon, we both could see the shores of France and though it was good to know that first part of the trip was finished, we had still before us, a 9 hour motorcar journey to Biscarrosse and from there the 12 hour flight to Tucupita.

On the shore, our hired driver was waiting for us and he helped load our luggage into the trunk of his car. Jasper and I climbed into the ample back seat and made ourselves comfortable. Ordinarily, I would have enjoyed travelling the coast of France in a motorcar but in this dreadful weather, the scenery was dull and lifeless. Jasper buried his nose in a book and I stared listlessly out the rain streaked windows.

It was nearly 6pm when we arrived in Biscarrosse. Jasper and I holed up in a fine hotel near the coast. We had taken a suite on the top floor of the hotel so that we would be awakened to the sight of the lovely bay. Our driver was just across the hall. Jasper and I had the night together with no interruptions. I had already laid out my plans for him.

After taking our fill of the pub across the street, Jasper and I returned to our suite. He slipped into the privy to have a hot bath and I turned on the radio, dialing up some soft jazz music to set the tempo. When my love emerged from the bath wrapped in a soft white robe, his golden curls damp and hanging in his lovely green eyes, I found the site simply too alluring to resist and grabbed him from behind.

"Alas!" he cried. "I have been conquered by a greater man! I surrender!"

"Yes, my love, you will surrender!" I growled against the back of his head as I pulled him to the bed and threw him recklessly upon it, tearing the robe from him as I did so.

I drank in the sight of him lying there upon the soft down comforter, his lean, taunt flesh laid out so temptingly for me. His breath was rapid, his cheeks flushed and his skin damp still, from the bath. It was more than anyone could have resisted. I had no intention of resisting. He was mine to conquer, mine to own and possess. I was jealous of him, my American lover. I would have taken a knife to the throat of any man who tried to touch him. I was a Cullen and by God, the Cullen's guarded what was theirs. He was most definitely mine.

"Why do you hesitate, love?" he asked coquettishly. "Do I not appeal to your finer tastes?"

I stood smiling down at him, my growing arousal pressing impatiently against the crotch of my tweed plus fours. I yanked my hat off and threw it across the room, then pushed my suspenders from my shoulders and tore at the buttons on my shirt as I jerked it from the band of my breeches.

Jasper watched me with an amused expression as I went about the job of disrobing myself. When I had accomplished my mission, I eased down next to him in the big, comfortable bed and reached out to take him into my arms. We had all the night before us to love and I intended to use every minute of it. We could easily sleep on the plane the next day, in fact; I meant to do just that.

"Careful, my love," Jasper whispered against my ear as my overly eager hands moved a bit too roughly upon his body. My Jasper did not enjoy rough lovemaking. He was a gentle soul and he desired tender touches and delectable embraces. It was not that I did not desire these things but the man within me often longed for something more primal and carnal.

I did as he asked of me and slowed my conquest, taking my time to love him not only with my caresses but with my lips as well. He wreathed beneath me when I began to plot a course with my skilled mouth, south along his finely-muscled torso. I paused to move my tongue slowly around each of his hardened nipples before continuing on toward my final destination, his swollen, erect manhood.

I longed to feel it in my mouth, to draw upon it as if the salty fluid that came forth from it was the elixir of life itself. I held his hips down against the bed as I lowered my head to take it in, sliding my skilled tongue along its throbbing, purple length.

As I began to tease the leaking tip with my teeth, nipping at the fragile skin, Jasper let fly from his throat such a deep and guttural moan that I was nearly unmanned and had to stop and allow the hot, all-consuming waves of bliss to flow over me for a moment before I could continue, lest I spill and end this erotic exploration of my lover's body all too soon.

My sweet love tangled his strong hands in my hair and guided me lovingly back toward my target, desiring to feel my mouth upon him once more. How could I refuse his demand? I took that hard length into my mouth again and began to work my craft upon it. Jasper was pushing himself deeper into me each time I descended and it nearly gagged me. I endured it for him. I would endure almost anything for him.

"Edward, you must stop this! It's torture!" he cried.

"Yes, my brave American. I am torturing you with pleasure and I am afraid that you will have to endure more of it before you will be allowed a reprieve!" I growled.

He moaned again and pulled at my head, willing me to come up to him. I released his manhood and crawled up to brace myself over him. As I looked down into those fetching eyes, I was taken with how deeply in love with this man that I was. I felt the emotions sweeping over me as I pressed my lips against his and felt him open to my kiss. How had I managed to win this prize, this perfect soul that deigned to share my life with me?

"Kiss me again," he pleaded in a low, husky voice as he clutched at my shoulders, needing me, wanting me as badly as I wanted him.

I deepened the kiss and stole from him his very breath as I pushed my tongue into that sweet mouth that tasted of brandy and cinnamon. I lay my body down on his and he wrapped his strong legs around my waist as if to hold me to him; as if there was a chance in hell of me trying to leave him.

"Let me have you," I begged him.

He looked up at me with nothing but complete sincerity on his face and smiled. "I am already yours," he said.

I reached into my small bag of toiletries that I'd thoughtfully placed on the bedside table earlier and retrieved a bottle of massage oil. I poured some into the palm of my hand and ran my fingers through it, then reached beneath him to ease those fingers into his body, stroking that spot deep within that made him cry out with pleasure. I did this to him for some time, watching his handsome face as his pupils dilated and his cheeks flushed a deeper red. He breathed like a man running a marathon and his chest heaved with the effort as he thrashed about, thrusting his hips against my hand wantonly.

"Are you ready for me, my love?" I asked.

"I am always ready for you, Edward!" he cried.

I withdrew my fingers and wrapped my well-oiled hand around my own straining endowment as I moved into position between his legs. He bent his knees up and moved them apart for me as I lowered myself into position and pushed, oh so gently against him, giving him ample time to adjust to my efforts at penetration.

Once, twice, I moved, then I was sheathed completely within my lover's hot, willing body. I began my rhythm and he moved to match it, driving his hips up and against mine. Slowly, oh so slowly and easily, must not be rough, must not be greedy with this loving, I forced myself to be a gentleman. It wouldn't have mattered much; he and I were both too far gone to continue this dance of pleasure any longer.

I held my passion in check until after he'd let go his own. I always did so. It was the nobleman in me, the desire to be always the victor in it. If he would not let me ravage him, then at least he would surrender to his pleasure first. It was not open for negotiation. When at last I gave vent to my own passion, I had no longer the strength to hold myself up and fell onto him, knocking the wind from his lungs.

Jasper slept soundly, exhausted from our love play. I sat holding a glass of champagne. I was beyond sated and yet there was still that wanton desire in me for a bit more. I believed it was that way for all men. They could be given the world on a silver platter and it would never be enough. It would be always one piece short of the full plate.

It did not matter. I was here. He was here. We were on our way and nothing would stop me from keeping my promise to my father. Nothing would stop me from fulfilling my destiny, nothing short of God himself.

Or so I thought…


	3. Chapter 3

Wild Orchid

Chapter Three

Jasper and I boarded the seaplane that morning at 5:00am. My love had never before been on such a plane and he was somewhat hesitant and resistant. I took his hands and patiently urged him onboard as our luggage was loaded into the cargo hold below. We took seats in the passenger area just behind the pilots. I had paid to rent this plane exclusively for just the two of us. I wasn't in the mood to spend a 12 hour trip indulging in conversation with other travelers.

I yawned and eased my fedora down over my eyes, planning to nap for the better part of the unstimulating ocean flight. Jasper, however, had other plans and immediately yanked my hat off, tossing it aside and tugging me back upright.

"You aren't going to shut me out like that! I'm absolutely terrified of us safety landing this flying contraption and I won't be sitting here anxiously while you sleep, Lord Cullen!" he admonished me.

"My love, what is this you are saying? You, Jasper, the fearless bull rider and Apache fighter, frightened of a little seaplane?" I teased.

Jasper punched my arm and then wrapped his hand tightly around the same spot he'd just punished. He did not relax until we were airborne and even still, I could see the nervous energy bundled up within him, waiting for the right moment to wreak havoc upon our situation. I leaned over and peered out the window, noticing the coast of France becoming a mere spot of dark on the horizon of blue.

We were away at last and our next stop would be on mainland Venezuela. I had contacted, by correspondence just prior to our trip, a Capucian monk who lived in the monastery at Tucupita. This monk, a Father Dawes, had assured me that he could secure for Jasper and me, a guide from the native Warao tribe who could speak passable English.

The monks had extensively westernized the Warao tribes near Tucupita. Many of the tribes now followed Western customs and gave their children Western names. Some of the tribes were Catholic in their practices, others had adopted such modern customs as they saw fit and kept their own rituals, incorporating a little of each culture. The particular tribe we would be working with was of that persuasion. Their Shaman couldn't speak any English but his oldest daughter, who had been educated at the monastery for most of her young life, could speak it quite fluently.

Father Dawes had contacted this girl and secured her assistance with our predicament. She would accompany us on the journey to locate the pyramid. She would bring with her, as a guide, her younger brother, a lad of 17 years. This brave fellow had been to the pyramid when he was a child and Father Dawes felt fairly confident that these two could be of valuable assistance to us.

A man from Tucupita, who owned and operated a river raft service, would take us up the Orinoco River to the Warao settlement. He would then leave us and Jasper and I would be at the mercy of our hired guides. The young ladies name was Leah and her brother was called Jacob. I wondered what temperament these two natives would have. I expected Leah to be somewhat cultured having been educated by the Capucians, her brother however, I held out very little hope for.

I'd read about the native tribes of the Amazon in my dastardly grandfather's journals. He'd talked of how some of the tribes practiced cannibalism and tortured their enemies, sacrificing them to their pagan Gods. I sincerely hoped that Jasper and I wouldn't suffer such a fate. I did trust Father Dawes, what choice did I have? None, really and despite my concerns, I was enjoying myself.

In spite of his earlier anxiety, Jasper had managed to settle down and to my surprise, when I turned to address him, I found him soundly asleep. That was my Jasper; he could sleep anywhere and under any circumstances. I was left, for the moment, alone with my thoughts. Having nothing to occupy my time, I reached beneath the seat and retrieved my duffle bag. Secreted within one of the inner compartments was the little, ivory idol.

I took it from its hiding place and removed the leather wrappings. As I held it, this damn, little, thing, I was enrapt with a sudden feeling of trepidation and alarm and a complete and utter certainty that despite this mission, I, having held this thing in my hands and been owner of it, would not escape from its curse. I glanced aside at my sleeping love and prayed to whatever God would listen to me, that he should never come to harm from it. I sat holding the thing in my hands, turning it about in the faint light that came in through the small, round window.

It looked harmless and yet I knew it had a hidden power that I couldn't comprehend. Whoever had carved it in the long ago had been an expert at his craft. Probably a shaman or a holy man of some forgotten tribe of wild men in the depths of the jungle, in the distant past when the bloodthirsty tribes fought among themselves; this little thing had been made to bring good fortune. I supposed I was coming to believe in the stories about it. I wondered if I would really be able to stop the curse.

At some point during the long Trans pacific flight, I must have dozed. I woke in the evening with Jasper draped over my lap, his lovely head rolled to one side and his eyes fluttering in a distant dream. I reached down and caressed his face, loving the texture of the stubble on his skin. We'd been in such a hurry to leave that morning that he'd neglected to shave and I had to admit that I liked it that way.

The co-pilot called back to me to inform me that the coast of Venezuela was coming into view and when I strained my eyes to the left, I could see the dark, mountainous terrain sweeping toward us as we began to drift closer to the waves. I woke Jasper and he sat up rubbing his eyes.

"We're there, my love. Look, you can see the land now."

Jasper leaned over me to look through the glass and then drew back, holding his stomach as if ill. "Edward, I think I'm going to be sick," he gasped.

I encouraged him to lean back against the seat and took his hand. "Draw some deep breaths, love and close your eyes. It will all be over soon."

It seemed an eternity before the plane touched down on the water and began to coast toward the serviceable, inlet bay at Tucupita. This town wasn't small by most standards but it was still quite foreign to me as I took in the sight of its modest waterfront. The co-pilot opened the side hatch as we coasted in and tossed a rope to a dark-skinned man on the docks. He tied us off and hoisted a wooden plank up to the side hatch so we could disembark.

Jasper stood on shaking legs and made his way toward the hatch. I followed after him, my duffle bag thrown over my shoulder. It was good to be on tera ferma again. Jasper stood looking around. This city was like a wonderland of sights and smells both foreign and somehow comforting to me. The native Venezuela people were beautiful with their dark skin, raven hair and deep, black eyes. As we made our way along the docks, we were met by a man from the Capuchin missionary. He wore the usual, long, black frock of a monk and introduced himself as a friar named Eric Yorkie.

I waited for our luggage and trunks to be offloaded and Mr. Yorkie instructed some men standing by to load the things into a waiting horse-drawn tram car. Such unique things, those tram cars! They were large and made in the manner of a street-car though they were not powered by their own means but dependent on a team of horses to walk between the rails and pull the cars along. Ours was painted a bright yellow with dark, blue stripes; a cheerful looking thing it was, in this city of stark contrasts.

We followed the young friar as he boarded and took our seats in the open-air car. The driver clucked to the team and with a jolt, we were off and away. Jasper and I turned our bewildered heads from side to side as we took in the view. Everywhere I looked I could see fascinating things. Buildings of brightly, painted stucco rose from the red, dirt streets, scantily clad children ran alongside the tram car, calling out to us in Spanish, women carrying jars on their heads followed the children and here and there, a stray dog as well. Men sat lounging in open doorways, some of them quite fetching to behold.

Eric began to speak and informed us both that the city of Tucupita was in celebration that week and we were likely to see some interesting sights. Even as he enlightened us, we came upon a parade of sorts. Young men and women in traditional, native dress moved in a sort of dance along the side streets following a band of musicians. The tempo of the drum beat was quick and almost carnal, the flow of the music hypnotic to both myself and seemingly the dancers. Our tram stopped to let them pass and I watched them, enrapt with their graceful and enticing movements.

"What is this dance that they are performing?" Jasper asked.

"It is called the Capoeira. They do it so beautifully, don't they?" Erik sighed.

I sat back and watched them, unable to look away as the captivating and bewitching movements of the young natives numbed my brain to all else that was. I became conscious of Jasper tugging at my elbow and pointing to something he'd noticed off to the side. I forced myself to turn away from the dancers and pay attention to his excited conversation.

"Look, Edward, Eric says that is our hotel!" he cried, pointing to a three-, stucco building with wrought-iron balconies hanging from its front façade and a large, ample porch upon which sat a few old men with steaming cups of java before them. The tram car pulled to a halt and Eric climbed out, minding his long robes as he did, then reached up to help Jasper and myself.

"This is the Cambria. It's been in operation in this city since 1876. The tram has always stopped here. It's not as modern as the hotels in your part of the world but I think you will find it accommodating to your needs. They have a find eatery on the first floor if you are hungry. In the morning, I'll come for you both early and take you to the mission. Father Dawes will be waiting for you."

Jasper and I watched as Eric got back on board the tram and waved to us as it pulled away. A porter from the hotel came out to load our luggage on a cart and motioned for us to follow him inside. The interior of the old hotel was dark and cool after the sweltering, moist heat of the city. Fans lulled overhead in an almost lazy pattern of spinning blades in the shape of large leaves. Men sat at tables near the front desk smoking cigars and sipping liquor from crystal glasses. The atmosphere was laid back and relaxed. From somewhere deep within, a radio was droning on in a slow, easy jazz ensemble.

Behind the front desk sat a beautiful, older woman with long, black hair. She reached out to shake my extended hand and I managed, with much difficulty, considering my limited Spanish, to secure Jasper and myself the best room they had. The porter called to us and we followed him up a set of stairs. He pulled our luggage to the bottom and two other young men helped him to bring up the bags and steamer trunks.

The suite I'd booked for us was in the front of the building overlooking the busy street and tram tracks below. We had a large balcony and two floor to ceiling windows that were covered in filmy, blood-red, sheer curtains. The stucco walls were a bright yellow-orange and the floor a dark, wide-plank polished wood. Upon it lay several ornamental, hand-woven, native rugs. There was a mahogany bar set with several bottles of local rum and drink and plenty of glasses, and a huge bed, made with soft, comfortable-looking, linens of the same blood-red shade as the sheers.

Though I looked vainly for one, I didn't see a radio. Jasper and I would have to be content without music for tonight as I saw no sense in unpacking the antique Victrola being that we were staying here for only one night. I tipped the porters and closed the double doors to the suite, locking them behind me. Jasper opened the curtains and flooded the room with the last of the evening sunlight as it came in from over the tile rooftops across the street.

"Come, Edward, the dancers are making their way back up the street and they will pass just under the balcony."

I went to join him there, watching those beguiling, young people in their dance as they moved back up the other side of the street following the musicians. So taken was I with their movements that I drew Jasper back inside, pulled the curtains and took him into my arms. I pushed my hips wantonly against him and began to mimic the movements of the Capoeira with him. Jasper laughed aloud but he too tried to perform that intricate dance. We moved, about in the suite, wrapped in each other's arms and attempting to find the grace of the dancers below us in the street as the musicians played upon their native instruments.

I was enrapt with that moment, the innocence of it. We were young, both of us. We were all alone in this perfect, golden moment. Nothing could touch us, nothing could tear us apart. I looked down into his jade eyes, watching him watching me. He felt it too, of that I was certain. I drew him even closer and claimed his mouth with mine. He melted against me, opening to my advances and twining his warm, moist tongue with mine.

"Jasper," I whispered as I ended the ardent kiss.

"Yes, my love?" he asked innocently.

"You own my soul," I confessed.

"Love, don't say such things, its blasphemous!" he exclaimed, laughing softly.

I pulled at him, drawing him across the floor and we fell together onto the big bed, the evening breezes stirring the red curtains and the sound of the Capoeira band receding into the streets below us as we lay together. Rays of sunlight swept over the floor, the bed, and fell warm against our exposed skin as we stripped each other of our suddenly unnecessary garments. Hands clasped and unclasped, breaths mingled for heart felt kisses as our bodies responded, longing to join together and become one with the other.

I'd taken Jasper in the hotel in France and so it was now my turn to surrender to him. I didn't mind to do so from time to time but I much preferred to play the dominant role with him. He moved to leave the bed for a moment and when he returned to me, he had in his hand the bottle of oil from my overnight bag.

"Are you sure, love?" he asked sweetly, his face wearing an enquiring expression.

"I am most certain, my Jasper," I replied as I rolled onto my stomach and relaxed against the bed.

He moved up between my legs, pushing them apart gently as he ascended. I craned my neck, turning my head to one side so I could watch him as he prepared himself for me. He knelt, stroking his manhood firmly, his head down, his mouth slightly open, his pink lips moist and tempting to me. I passed my eyes over as much of his porcelain skin as I could take in from my limited position.

"Won't you kneel up for me, lover?" he pleaded and how could I refuse him? I rose up on my hands and knees and felt him moving into position behind me. His fingers slipped easily into me and began to conquest for that spot within that made me nearly unman myself when he discovered it. I began to push at his hand like a greedy child and he laughed, stilling my hips with his other hand.

"Slow down, my sweet! Do you want this to end so soon?" he asked.

"Just do it, Jasper! Impale me with it, I don't care!" I cried lustily.

He laughed again, softly and then took his questing fingers away to replace them with his much more substantial length. As he invaded my tightly-strung body with it, I gasped and lowered my head to the pillow to hide the pain on my face. It never mattered how many times we engaged in this illegal debauchery, it always caused me pain. It seemed I could not find a way to relax and give myself to it as Jasper could. He surrendered without thought, I fought to the end. I would never be able to submit as completely as he could.

I didn't know if it was the English Noble, the young, Lord Cullen in me, or if it was just my masculine stubbornness that refused to acknowledge that I was a man who loved other men. Such an abomination would never be accepted in my upper-class world, though I knew I wasn't the only man who engaged in such behavior. What one does behind closed doors is one's own affair, or so I believed.

Jasper moved so slowly and carefully within me that his pace almost drove me mad. I tried in vain to behave and hold still for him but it was futile and I began to move of my own volition, pushing back onto him and increasing the speed of the act in order to reach the finish. That was how it always was with me. If I could have had my way, it would always be rough, nearly violent and quick, a capture and defeat between the sheets and a quick and rapturous explosion of pleasure. I loved Jasper but the act was purely for enjoyment and I knew it. So did he and he never held it against me.

"My love, will you spill before me?" he cried, again, the amusement obvious in his voice.

"Never!" I hissed between my clenched teeth as I fought to hold off my pleasure.

He began to sweat and breathe with shaking breaths, my precious and beautiful lover. I knelt up and pushed my back against his chest, supporting myself with the high headboard of the exquisitely carved bed. This position proved too intense for my love and he let loose his release, falling against me, his chin resting on my shoulder.

I was able to stave it off for only a moment more, stroking myself with one hand and holding his weight up with my strong back as I felt the waves of intensity take me, sweeping me away with it, with the fading music and dancers, away over the tiled roofs and into the mysterious jungle that awaited us. The jungle that we would enter the very next day and the journey that would surely be an adventure more exciting and eventful than anything Jasper or I had ever known.


	4. Chapter 4

Wild Orchid

Chapter Four

August 16, 1934

To say that I was looking forward to that day would have been an immense understatement. I was bubbling over with excitement and yet on the surface I somehow managed to maintain a calm, gentlemanly façade. Jasper was oblivious to my discomposure. We sat together on the palatial front porch of our hotel, sipping steamy cups of rich, black coffee and waiting for Eric Yorkie. The young monk has promised to come for us at dawn. He'd be taking Jasper and me to the monastery to meet Father Dawes.

Jasper cleared his throat and sat up straighter in his wicker chair, shaking out the newspaper in his hands. "Edward, I wish I'd learned just a bit of Spanish in school. I can't understand a thing on this page," he mused.

"Never mind it, love. Eric is coming."

We stood up and I extended my hand to the young monk. "Good morning, Mr. Yorkie. Will Father Dawes be introducing us to our young, native guides this morning?" I asked.

"Yes, I believe he wishes to talk with you first. Shall we board the tram-car?" he asked, gesturing to the horse-drawn tram that stood waiting as the steps of the porch.

Jasper and I followed the monk into the tram and I paused to remove my tweed jacket before sitting down on the cracked, red leather seat. The heat was nearly unbearable. Neither Jasper nor I was used to it. The moisture that hung in the air made me nearly gasp for breath. Jasper unfastened the top, three buttons on his cotton shirt, revealing his milky-white chest. I noticed Eric's eyes move over him as Jasper eased back against the seat. I gave it no thought, however. Jasper was a pretty boy, how could I fault Eric for taking a passing glance.

"May I inquire as to your ages, gentlemen? I don't mean to pry or seem obtrusive but neither of you look a day over 18," Eric stated.

"I'm 24, Jasper replied. "Edward is 28."

"I see," Eric replied. "So, have either of you ever been in Venezuela before?"

"No, sir, my grandfather was the explorer. I'm just here to clear up a difficult matter but rest assured. I've done thorough research into the dangers of this place. I plan on being extra careful," I replied. "All that being said, Jasper and I will truly be at the mercy of our young guide and his sister, the interpreter. Tell me, Mr. Yorkie, are you acquainted with either of them, the young natives?"

"I have met Leah. She is quite a beauty but very headstrong and stubborn. She's brilliant, though. Picked up on English and Spanish very quickly. She'll be attending The Central University of Venezuela at the capital city of Caracas this fall on full scholarship. She's planning to study medicine and hopes to return to Tucupita to open a hospital for the natives. The Capuchins' have given her their full support in that venture. As for her brother, Jacob, I can't say that I've had the pleasure but I've heard plenty about him," he replied.

"What have you heard about him?" I inquired as I lit a cigarette and handed it to Jasper before retrieving one for myself. I offered the pack to Eric but he respectfully declined.

"I've heard Leah talk about his skill as a hunter and a warrior. He's only 16 but she tells of a hunt during which he fought hand to hand with a wild boar and subdued it. I believe the young lad is quite strapping. She describes him as being rather tall and of substantial build. Most of the native Warao men look much like that. They have to be quite sturdy to survive in their harsh environment. We see it as inhospitable but to them, its paradise. Given the choice, nearly all of them will return to the jungle and live near the river rather than stay at Tucupita."

"You've described Leah as being stubborn and headstrong. Will she be difficult to manage on this trip?" Jasper wisely asked.

"No, she understands her position is that of an interpreter and despite the fact that she is older, she must obey her brother when she is with him because he is the oldest son of her family. The Warao people are a patriarchal society and the women know their place. Here, Leah is treated like every other woman but among her own people, she must behave submissively to the dominant male in her family clan. Since their father will not be with them, she will have to defer to Jacob," he replied.

"And what of him?" I asked. "Did she allude to his temperament in her descriptions of him?"

"You have nothing to fear from him, Mr. Cullen. He is just a boy. He knows his way through the jungle and will be invaluable in a fight. He will hunt for all of you and he will lead you. He understands his position as well. That being said, I would warn you both not to do anything that he might find offensive. The Warao people are not warlike and they are the most hospitable tribe when it comes to foreigners but they do have their wild customs and you don't want to find yourself on the defensive against him all alone and far from help," he warned.

Jasper swallowed hard and glanced at me. I took a thoughtful drag from my cigarette and blew the smoke out through the open side of the tram car. The streets were starting to come alive around us as the sun rose above the tiled roofs. Women were visible among the adobe and stucco houses, hanging clothes between the buildings on make-shift lines. Soon enough, the mission came into view as it stood at the far end of the main street and rose several stories above all the other buildings near it with the exception of the grand, old, Catholic church across the street from it.

The mission was a narrow, light-brown stucco building with tall, slender windows of stained glass. The tram stopped directly in front of the mission and Jasper and I climbed out followed my Mr. Yorkie. He led the way through a pair of wide, acacia-wood doors carved with scenes from the bible. Inside it was dark and cool. The walls were painted with murals of the baptism of Jesus in the Jordon River. The artist had been quite skilled. As Jasper stood inspecting the paintings, I wandered about looking at the finely-carved, wooden furniture and breathing in the scent of the sandalwood incense.

Eric left us, for the moment and went to find Father Dawes. I stepped out the open side door to take a look at a charming, little garden, secreted away in the square courtyard made by the mission, and three outbuildings. That was when I saw him for the first time.

I found that I was without speech or breath. My body coursed with adrenaline and my palms began to sweat. My first impression of him was that he might be an angel come to rest in this house of God. He was tall and muscular; his long black hair came down nearly to his waist and was tied loosely in a leather thong at the base of his neck. He was dressed only in a rust-colored loin-cloth made of some leather-like material. He wore no shoes. His stood sideways of me and I could see only his profile. He seemed to be enthralled with something, though what it was, I couldn't fathom, then it occurred to me. He was listening to the music, the polyphony chanted hymns of the monks. His expression was curious and he was concentrating hard on the sound, leaning slightly forward as if to hear it better.

I stepped out into the little garden, walking on the stone path toward him. I was draw in a manner and unable to resist moving closer. I longed to see his face clearly and hoped he would turn toward me. As if in answer to my silent prayer, he did just that. When he beheld me, a white man, here in this city of Latin America, he gave pause to his fascination with the music and began to study me instead.

He tilted his head to one side as if confused and regarded me in a most inquisitive manner. I smiled and nodded to him and he nodded back. I wished he would smile in return but he did not. I wanted to step closer still. His eyes were captivating me; so dark and deep set and with very long, thick lashes. He had an angular face with high cheek bones and the fullest, most sensual mouth I'd ever seen on a man. Yet his exotic features and that rich, dark skin made him seem most mysterious to me. Could this be our young guide? Was this Jacob? Again, fate would answer that very question for me.

"Jacob!" I turned toward the voice. It was feminine yet deep and smoky. The woman who had spoken to the boy was a native also. She stepped into my line of vision at that moment and gestured to the young man to come to her. He gave me one last glance, then dropped his head and moved quickly and gracefully toward the woman. I followed his retreat with my eyes, drinking in the view of him as he moved among the flowers and ferns. He seemed very nearly a man and yet not so. The face was still that of a boy.

As they disappeared into the doorway, I heard Jasper calling for me from within. I took a breath to steady my shaken nerves and tried to assess my jumbled feelings as I headed toward the sound of my love's voice. I ducked my head and slipped back inside to find Jasper standing with Eric next to an older, grey haired man who I presumed was the aforementioned Father Dawes. My deduction would prove to be correct.

Father Dawes, I would come to like that man immensely. He was a great hulk of a man and I could see that he'd been a massive fellow in his youth. He had told me, in our correspondence that he was 70 but I would never have believed it. Though his hair was grey, his face and his body seemed much more suited to a man in his early 50's. He was quite handsome with dark skin and eyes himself. Though a priest, he wore his hair slightly long and tied it back in much the same way as our young guide. When Father Dawes smiled, it was quite infectious and everyone around him couldn't help but be moved to smile as well. He clamped his big, strong hand on my shoulder and greeted me with a thick, Scottish accent making me feel as if I hadn't left home at all.

"Well, Lord Cullen, I see the man I knew as your grandfather in the young man before me. You look very much like him or rather as he did when I first came to know him years ago. He was just as cultured and sanguine as you. This lad with you, your Jasper, he's rather entertaining. He's been informing me of the reason for your little journey. I must say, I'm surprised to learn that an educated English noble would succumb to silly superstition about a little, native statue."

We were all quite startled when a strong gust of wind blew through the open garden door and put out the candles, sending the heavy, wrought-iron chandelier overhead, swinging in a wide arch above us. I wouldn't have been surprised if it had fallen and crushed the life out of our little group. It would have been fitting.

"My, the weather certainly does change quickly around here, doesn't it?" Jasper asked, clearing his throat nervously.

"Come, now! Surely you don't think that was caused by my flippant remark? Gentleman, I'm sure you are both chaffing to be off and on your way but I would like just a moment of your time before I acquaint you both with your Warao guide and his sister."

"I've met him already," I said.

"Met who?" Jasper asked.

"Jacob," I replied.

"Good heavens! Where on earth did you meet him?" Jasper asked.

"In the garden," I replied. "He was listening to the monks singing Matins.

"It's too late for Matins!" Jasper objected. "They are singing Prime!"

"Quite right my good man," Father Dawes remarked. "Never the less, Jacob is not as he would seem. He may appear rather quaint and harmless but he isn't. He's very strong as I'm sure you noticed and he is a cunning fighter and capable around the river and in the jungle. He won't steer you off course. You will need Leah to communicate with him as he doesn't speak a word of English. He can understand a few words but he makes no effort to learn it. He isn't stupid, he is just practical. He knows he will never leave the jungle or his people. I'm surprised he agreed to come here with the rafts man. It was my understanding that Leah was to accompany you two with the river boatman, to the Warao settlement and pick up Jacob there. I suppose curiosity got the best of him."

"He looks older than 16, Father, is he really that young?" I asked.

"Yes, he is. I'm surprised that he hasn't gone through their coming of age ceremony yet. Leah was telling me just this morning that he hasn't been though it yet. I suppose it's because his father doesn't think he's ready. Maybe this trip will prove his mettle. Did I tell you that their father is the shaman or leader of their tribe? Jacob will one day have that position to fill if he survives to adulthood."

"What do you mean if he survives?" Jasper asked.

"Their life is very hard and fraught with peril. He could be killed by enemy tribesmen or die of simple infection. He might be injured during a hunt. The life they lead is harsh but it is theirs and they don't envy us ours. At any rate, I've had the raft men load your supplies from the hotel onto their barge and they are waiting for us on the docks. Leah and Jacob have already gone down to them. Shall we make our way there?" he asked.

Jasper stood up and followed the priest. I took a lingering look around this place, the last vestige of civilization that I would see for I knew not how long and then headed out after them. As we neared the docks, I got another look at our native companions. The woman I'd seen earlier, Leah, was standing near the raft, her hand resting on one of the steamer trunks. She was dressed in a pair of men's safari pants, boots and a green button-up blouse. Her hair was cut to her shoulders and she brushed it impatiently back out of her eyes. When she turned to me, I saw how similar and yet different she looked from her younger brother. I turned toward Father Dawes.

"How old is the woman?" I asked.

"She's 22 but mind you don't get any ideas my young Lord!" he admonished. "Jacob would hack you to pieces if he even suspected you desired her. At any rate, she's betrothed to a fellow from Caracas."

I glanced at Jasper and he was looking back at me with a devilish grin on his handsome face. He was thinking, as I was, that Jacob had nothing to fear, for his sister, from either of us.

Father Dawes stepped up to Leah and reached for her outstretched hand. "Hello my dear, I'd like to introduce you to your English companions. This tall fellow with the unruly hair is Lord Edward Cullen and his green eyed companion is the American, Texan, Jasper Whitlock. I've appraised you already of their mission and I'm sure you have informed your brother of it as well. I know Lord Cullen is wanting to be on his way so I won't keep you young people but do please be careful," he said as he bowed to us and then turned to go. I found myself wishing that he would be going with us.

I turned to Leah and smiled, extending my hand to her. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Leah," I said.

She took my proffered hand firmly in her own but did not return my smile. She then turned to Jasper who extended his hand to her as too.

"Ma'am," he said in his thick southern drawl. "Pleasure."

She nodded to him as well. "If you gentlemen will get onboard, we can be off. I want to tell you both before we get started, I won't tolerate any untoward behavior. You will both behave decently. I won't have you mistreating my brother either. He's here to guide you and hunt for us but he isn't your pack mule and neither am I. You will both carry your own things. Is that clear?" she asked in a firm, authoritative voice.

Despite her abrasive nature, I found myself liking this brash young woman. She was an independent lady in a man's world. I understood how she felt in a manner. "Of course we will be respectful of you both. We are most grateful for your assistance. Jasper and I are in your capable hands," I said.

She glanced up at me but spoke no further and took a seat on the wooden raft next to her intriguing brother. He looked up at Jasper and me and Leah took his wrist in her hand and leaned up to speak into his ear. I heard her talking in their native tongue which was very beautiful to listen to, then I heard her speak our names, Jasper's and then mine as she gestured toward us. I nodded to Jacob again and Jasper did the same. This time he did smile and I was paralyzed upon the spot where I stood.

I felt as if that angel in the garden had deigned to pay heed to two worthless humans and give to us the grace of his fair countenance. I noticed Jasper moving in my peripheral vision but I was unable to look away from his face, that angel sitting with his bold sister. This was senseless. I was becoming distracted by this native boy and I couldn't understand why. It reminded me, in most uncomfortable way, of the first time I'd ever seen Jasper and of how I'd become obsessed with him in quite the same manner.

"Come, Edward," Jasper encouraged as he sat down among the luggage and gear. "We're ready to go."

I managed, somehow, to uproot myself from the bank and step onto the raft. As the two raft men pushed off with their long poles and began to steer us toward the center of the huge Orinoco River, my distraction with Jacob waned as the reality that we were now really and truly on our way, finally set in. And so onward into the Amazon, Lord Edward Cullen and your handsome young American lover! Go forth and conquer! But to conquer what exactly; that was the question!

As I sat musing those silly childish thoughts to myself, I chanced to glance up and noticed our bewitching, young guide staring back at me in his uniquely curious way. I found that same hypnotic feeling trying to steal over me once more and I fought it. I fought, also, the sudden overwhelming urge to grasp Jasper's hand in mine. Though we sat side by side, our elbows touching in the cramped quarters, I thought better of such a bold, public display of affection. Our native companions would most likely find it offensive and that was no way to begin. I sighed and turned to watch the riverbank rolling by. When I was brave enough to look up at Jacob once more, his attention had shifted to his sister and they were deep in a conversation in their language that I couldn't understand.

"What's the matter, Edward?" Jasper asked, noticing my obvious state of nervous energy.

"I'm just worried that something bad might happen to you and it will be my fault for dragging you along with me on this ridiculous trip," I lied. It was the first time I'd ever lied to him.

"Don't worry; I'm having the time of my life!" Jasper assured me.

I chanced a slight press to his hand and gave him a genuine smile. Jacob was exotic but my Jasper, he was the real deal.


	5. Chapter 5

Wild Orchid

Chapter Five

We floated down the wide, rolling river and the dark, churning waters carried us toward our destination. Our rafts men were very skilled at keeping us in the center of the swift-moving current with their long poles. I sat up straight and stared ahead, watching as the thick, dense jungle closed in around us and the last straggling huts of Tucupita disappeared into the undergrowth.

The canopy of lush greenery overhead shut out much of the glaring sunlight and once inside, I noticed the temperature drop perceptively. It was a much needed relief from the suffocating, moisture-laden heat we'd been forced to put up with in the town. I found myself thoroughly enthralled with the fascinating scenery surrounding me. Jasper, a botanist, was studiously observant of all the many intriguing plants and flora we passed.

I began to look earnestly for the wildlife I knew lived in the canopy. I could hear a cacophony of bird sounds and the screeches that I could only presume came from the monkeys. I noticed Leah watching Jasper and me. When I turned to Jasper and commented that I wished I could see the beasts making all that racket, she whispered something to Jacob. He looked back at us, then rose and made his way, on remarkably steady legs, to where we sat.

Jacob knelt down and reached out to touch my shoulder. I nearly gasped when he did. I looked up into his black eyes and was spell bound with the seemingly innocent depth to them. He smiled and pointed up into the canopy above us. I looked in the direction he was indicating and saw there, the little howler monkeys of which I'd read so much about in my grandfather's letters.

He'd described the little beasts as being overly curious and quite a nuisance, making off with pieces of equipment and anything they could scavenge. I found them to be rather adorable looking. I smiled at their silly antics as they tossed bits of bark and leaves at us. Jacob reached down and picked up a small piece of drift-wood and raising his muscular arm, tossed it up into the canopy toward the little monkeys. One of them reached out and caught the drift-wood and to my complete amazement, threw it back at Jacob.

Jasper and I laughed aloud at this astonishing sight. I was shocked to see Leah smiling as well. It seemed the strictly-business; young lady did have a soft side as well. She was clearly protective of her younger brother but seemed more than happy to indulge his childish behavior when it was all in good fun. Jacob threw the wood back up to the little monkey one last time and the beast threw it down at us again as we sailed beneath the tree and drifted on along the slowly narrowing river.

Jacob sat down cross-legged in front of Jasper and me, facing us. He reached out curiously and touched my silver cigarette case that I'd placed beside me on the raft. I lifted it up and opened it to show him what was inside. I removed a cigarette and lit it, passing the first one, as always to my Jasper. Jacob watched as Jasper and I smoked our cigarettes, his head tilted to the side with that childlike look of curiosity. Leah noticed and spoke to him in their language, then told us that she'd informed him what the cigarettes were and that it was similar to their ceremonial pipes.

"Tell him we are celebrating our trip and our good fortune in finding such charming companions," I asked of her.

She gave me a sarcastic look but conveyed my message. Jacob smiled and lowered his head shyly. I noticed a slight blush to his cheeks and wondered at it somewhat. Could he truly be as innocent as he seemed?

After nearly an hour of steady travel along the river with Jacob pointing out the wildlife for Jasper and me along the way, we began to notice that the vegetation on either side of the river was starting to have a civilized look to it. Jacob got up and joined Leah in the front of the raft but he remained standing like the raft men and strained his eyes ahead.

"Gentlemen, we are coming into the outskirts of the Warao village. This is our home and we expect you to be courteous. Speak through me only. Jacob and I will give you a tour and show you where you can pitch your tent. We'll stay here tonight and obtain all the supplies and pack mules we will need for the trip. We'll head out at first light in the morning. Our father is anxious to meet the two of you," Leah told us.

The raft sailed on for nearly 20 minutes more and then the first of the Warao huts came into view. The Warao people were river dwellers who lived in round, open-sided huts built up on stilts near the banks of the river. They slept in hammocks hung inside their huts and had a fire pit in the center of the hut for warmth and cooking. The only furniture in the huts, besides the hammocks, was a few carved benches in the shape of animals. This I knew not from sight, but from the drawings in my grandfather's ledgers.

As our raft drew closer to the docks, many small, naked children ran down to the riverbank to greet us. I heard some of the older boys calling to Jacob and to my complete astonishment, he leapt off the side of the raft and waded to the shore to greet them, grabbing up one of the small lads and swinging him around. I watched him running up the bank toward the older boys who seemed to be close to his age. I turned to Leah.

"Are those other boys your brothers?" I asked.

Her mouth closed in a tight line and she looked down at the raft. "No, our three, older brothers are dead, our mother as well. A rash of disease broke out among our tribes a few years back and those you see here today are all that is left of our once great people."

"I'm sorry," I murmured as we stood and followed her and the raft men onto the shore. "Shall we help with the unloading?" I asked her.

"No, the men will remove your things and bring them up to my father's hut. You can set up your tent close to it if you like. It would be the safest spot," she answered. "Come; let me take you to our father."

We followed her up the bank and through the center of the little village that seemed to be arranged in a circle around a large, central bonfire pit. I wondered if it was ceremonial. Toward the back of the circle was the largest of the thatch-roofed structures. It was toward this hut that she led us. I could see Jacob standing inside it, talking animatedly to a man whose face was obscured from me.

As we drew nearer, Jacob stepped out onto the steps of the structure, tugging the older man along with him and pointing excitedly toward Jasper and me.

"That man with my brother is our father. He is the shaman of our people, a leader of sorts. He is the one who carries the prayers and requests of the people to our Gods. Be respectful to him," she advised.

"How should we show respect?" Jasper asked.

"Bow when I introduce you. I will interpret for all of you."

The shaman was a handsome man and I could see the resemblance to both his children. He smiled and extended his hand to Jasper and me. Jacob stood beside him, beaming and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Leah turned to him and spoke and Jacob stepped past Jasper and I and took off in a brisk walk toward the rafts men who were dragging our luggage and trunks toward the building.

"Jacob will show them where to put your things. Jasper and Edward, this is my father. His Christian name is William," Leah told us.

"Please convey to him our great appreciation for his hospitality and for allowing you and Jacob to accompany us on the journey," I asked her.

Jasper and I stood listening as she spoke to her father and he nodded, and then gestured for us to follow him inside the hut. Leah walked behind us and reached up to pull a hanging blanket down over the open front of the hut, shielding us from the rest of the villagers. She walked all around the inside of the hut closing the blankets down and closing us in. The central fire was the only light.

The shaman gestured for us to sit around the fire on soft mats. He had taken a long, wooden pipe from inside his robe. He lit it in the fire and handed it to Jacob who had joined us and was sitting just to the right of his father. I watched the boy draw on the pipe and tilt his head back to exhale the aromatic smoke.

"What is in the pipe?" Jasper asked.

"I plant similar to peyote," Leah replied.

Jasper glanced at me as Jacob handed the pipe over to me. I gave the matter not a second thought and took a long draw from the proferred pipe as well. The smoke was fragrant and thick and I found the after effects to be most pleasant. We all took several drags from it and then the shaman put it aside and began to speak. I could have listened to his deep, rolling voice all afternoon but Leah soon began to translate.

"He is asking the Gods to protect us on the journey and to bring his children and their new companions back safely to this place. He prays for success and good fortune for us. This trip is to be a test of sorts for my brother to see if he is ready to join the men of the tribe and complete his own journey toward manhood. If he is able to return safely to our father, he will have earned the right to go through the coming of age ceremony. Our father hopes this will be the case. He is now asking for you to show him the idol."

I was startled. I'd not realized that Leah and Jacob knew the reason for the trip. I chose to hide my stupefaction and instead reached for my duffle bag, taking from within it, the cursed, little thing and handing it, still in its wrappings, to the shaman.

He flinched visibly as he took it from me. Jacob leaned over to watch as his father unwrapped the idol and held it up. As he turned it about, the flames in the fire danced quickly away from it as though the very fire itself abhorred the thing. The shaman quickly covered it and handed it back to me.

"He says that there is a strong curse upon the idol and upon whoever removes it. That same curse has been upon our people as well, ever since the thing was taken. Sickness and pestilence have followed us all these years. He hopes that your bravery in choosing to bring it back and restore it in its rightful place will lift the curse," Leah said.

I looked up at her and then at the shaman. He smiled again; the lines of care that marked his face now seemed more like the signs of a man who had carried the burden of great sorrow and worries. I suspected it was so.

We took our noon meal in the hut with the shaman and his small family. The village woman had prepared a delectable array of native dishes including fish taken from the river and some of the vegetables they grew in their own gardens. For our drink, we had a potently, fermented brew that they made themselves and sweetened with the fruits they harvested in the nearby jungle. That, in addition to the pungent smoke we'd imbibed earlier, left both Jasper and myself feeling rather jovial.

We struggled, somewhat, to set up our large, canvas tent next to the shaman's hut. We finally managed it and began to position our trunks, folding tables and cots in what was to us, the most civil arrangement. I unpacked the Victrola and placed it on a folding table near Jasper's cot, then rummaged in his trunk for a record.

Jasper sat watching as I cranked up the antique player and set the record on the velvet-covered turntable beneath the needle. I flipped the switch and the celestial sound of the Miserere filled the little canvas tent. Drawn, perhaps by curiosity and perhaps by the unworldly sound of the music, Jacob lifted the tent flap and stepped inside, letting the flap drop behind him and staring at the Victrola in complete astonishment.

Leah was not with him and I could not explain the music to him. He smiled and crept closer to it, putting his head down near the player, looking into the carved wooden horn as if believing he would find the singers inside it. He crept back and turned to Jasper and myself, grinning from ear to ear and pointing at the Victrola. Jasper laughed and spread out a tiger skin rug on the floor of the tent and gestured for Jacob to rest on it if he chose.

Jacob sat down on the rug and listened to the Victrola as it gave forth the inhumanly enchanting chords of the "Allegri Miserere". He could not understand from whence the sound came but he was spellbound none the less, his fair countenance rapt with the beauty of the music. It was something so foreign, so magical that it was beyond his comprehension and yet that mattered not at all to him, as it would have to more cultured men such as Jasper and myself.

Jasper watched him with patient amusement, then my love rose and took forth from his packing crate, a delicate, paper lantern with the shapes of moons and stars cut into its sides. It was designed with wires to support it so that it could be set over a candle or lamp. Jasper placed it carefully over the hurricane lamp on his folding table. He then called Jacob's name and waited until the boy pulled himself out of his reverie over the music and gave my love his attention.

The handsome, dark-skinned boy leaned back, his long, black hair almost touching the ground where he sat, resting his weight on his hands and tilted his head up to watch in awe and innocent amazement, as with the flick of his wrist against the paper lantern, Jasper sent spinning about the tent, the shadow shapes of moons and stars. Jacob turned his head to watch as the shadows chased themselves about, silhouetted against the canvas of our tent. His face lit up with a smile that brought tears to my eyes and he drew up on his knees, reaching with both hands as if to catch the shadows. And as he did so, the piercing C of the lead soprano cresendoed to an ethereal high note and he appeared to me, in that captivating moment and in the half light of the candles, as a kneeling angel beseeching God to take him back to heaven. Surely there has never been, nor will there ever be again for me, a vision more rapturous.

Then as that high C decrescendoed, a hot and startling desire descended with it through my body and centered itself in my groin. I felt the flush in my face and I was ashamed of my arousal for how could I feel such a thing in the very presence of my Jasper and for this innocent, young, native boy, whilst listening to a song that had been written to honor a psalm from the Holy Bible? It was beautiful and blasphemous and it was, without a doubt, the most utterly carnal and primitive experience I'd ever known.

As the music ended, Jacob turned to me with a distraught look on his face and jumped up, pointing to the Victrola and gesturing helplessly for both Jasper and I to come to him. He obviously wanted to hear the music again. Jasper chose another record and placed it on the player, showing Jacob how he must dial the crank to power the player and then flip the switch to turn it on. I sat down on my cot trembling. I couldn't understand what had just happened to me. I'd broken out in a cold sweat and thankfully, Jasper was so preoccupied with entertaining Jacob that he failed to notice.

I passed my hand over my eyes to shield them of the alluring native standing only a few feet away, his attention, for the moment, fixated on Jasper. I lay back against the pillow and concentrated on catching my breath. It must have been the liquor and the smoke. What other reason could I have had for such a vision, such a sensation as that? I'd been behaving as a man crazed or in a drunken stupor.

Jasper finally noticed my state of distress and left Jacob for the moment to come and take stock of the situation. "Edward, are you ill?" he asked.

"It must have been the spirits we drank. I'm sure it will pass. Allow me to rest here for a moment, love," I begged.

"I'll fetch you some cool water and a cloth for your head," Jasper promised but I reached out and caught his hand in spite of Jacob's presence.

"I'll be fine, love. There's no need. Play with the boy for a bit and entertain him. He's quite taken with our toys, isn't he?" I asked.

"He certainly seems so. Isn't it refreshing how innocent he is? I wish all boys his age could still retain some of that childish charm. He's quite the looker, isn't he, love?" Jasper asked, raising his eyebrows.

I looked past him at Jacob who was batting at the paper lantern and trying to figure it out. "Yes, Jasper, he certainly is," I replied. "He certainly is."

Jacob stayed in our tent until nearly dusk. He was hesitant to leave until Leah finally forced him to do so. She apologized for his intrusion on our privacy but we assured her that it had been our pleasure to host him for the evening. As she led him out of the tent, he pointed to the Victrola and began to jabber to her about it in their language.

Jasper rose and went to close the tent flap, securing the ties to give us privacy. We turned down the lanterns and undressed for bed. I sat watching Jasper as he pushed his suspenders off of his shoulders and kicked off his boots. He walked over to me and sat down on the side of the bed. I smiled up at him as he leaned over to press a kiss to my lips.

"It's going to be difficult to find the time to be alone together, isn't it, love?" he teased as he ran his hand down the front of my open shirt, pressing it against the crotch of my breeches.

"I imagine we'll become very creative, won't we?" I asked as I pushed my hips up against his hand.

"Let me put out the light, love. Our shadows are visible from outside and we wouldn't want to give the natives the wrong impression," Jasper warned as he leaned across me to blow out the hurricane lamp.

We were cast into darkness within the tent and he stripped away his breeches to and lay down upon me on my narrow cot. We fell to kissing and soft caresses as he liked. I was feverish with a molten desire that evening. I refused to admit the true reasoning behind my carnal state and instead, concentrated on the warm, willing body that lay atop me.

We ended up together on the tiger-skin rug. I pushed him down on his stomach and ground against him with complete abandon. I knew he didn't like such rough love but I needed it that night, I had to have it so. I didn't want to admit it but I wasn't myself and I desperately hoped I wouldn't do something rash and stupid and end up destroying what I'd worked so long and hard to cultivate with Jasper. His heart was gentle and faithful. I'd always known I had a wild streak in my blood, a need to conquest and devour. Jasper was not that kind of man.

We made love together. I moved over him so carefully, so gently. I gave and he took. It was always so with us. I needed it and so did he.

"Jasper," I sighed against the top of his head.

"Yes, my love," he whispered back against my neck.

"Would you love me even if I was a bad man?" I asked.

"You are a very bad man and I love you still!" he jested.

"I mean what I say, love. Would there be a sin I could commit that you would be unwilling to forgive?"

"None, whatsoever!" he gasped as I moved to the side and took him into my arms. "Why do you ask?"

"I want Jacob," I sighed.

"Pay it no mind, love. I want him too," Jasper replied.

"You do?" I gasped in surprise.

"Very much so, he's a fleshy snare, isn't he? But you and I must both remember, he is only a boy. It isn't their way. We must look but not touch, love. If he arouses you like that again, just come to me. I know you love me and you know I love you. We'll use it to fuel our fires for each other. Nothing more will ever come of it and you and I both know this. You do love me, don't you, Edward?" he asked, looking up at me with his deep, soulful eyes.

"Of course I do, love!" I whispered hoarsely as I bent to take his mouth and force my tongue into it.

"Then that is all I need to know. Now, we must get some rest. Leah will wake up in the morning," he said as he rolled off of me and slipped back into his cot.

I groaned as I climbed up off the rug and into my own, miserable, little cot. I wondered what the morning would bring and if we would be successful. I wondered about my heart and its wayward ways. I wondered if Jasper had told the truth about forgiving me any sin. I knew, without a doubt, that I loved my Jasper with all my heart. I knew with just as much certainty, however, that the man in me wanted Jacob very badly.

And so it was that I drifted off to sleep with the sounds of the Orinoco River and the crackling of the fire lulling me to dreams; dreams of a certain native boy with dark, deep-set eyes and skin the color of mocha.


	6. Chapter 6

Wild Orchid

Chapter Six

And so it was morning again and I was ready. Jasper and I had washed up in the stream that ran near our tent and down the hill to join the mighty river. Leah had come to wake us at dawn and we'd eaten with the shaman and his family in his hut. We broke down the tent and packed it up. Our gear and luggage was being loaded onto two pack mules that would be accompanying us on the journey. Leah had informed us that Jacob intended to cover a lot of ground that day and he hoped to reach a certain spot along the nearly non-existent trail to the pyramid. About 1/3 of the way through, was a large waterfall and it was to this spot that he hoped to lead us. We could camp there and hopefully he would be able to hunt some game that had come to drink at the falls.

I'd not seen Jacob yet. He'd been absent from our meal this morning and I'd wanted to ask about him but it seemed inappropriate to do so. The shaman and villagers stood watching as Leah instructed the men loading our mules where to put the things. I hoped the sturdy, little animals would be able to hold up under so much weight but they didn't seem to mind and in fact appeared happy to be going on the journey with us. It was at this point that our handsome guide decided to join us.

He didn't really come from any particular direction, I simply looked up and he was there, standing in front of me. He was dressed in his loin cloth as always and his long hair was restrained in a leather thong at the base of his neck. The shaman moved to embrace first his son, then his daughter and spoke quietly with them, giving them words of encouragement in their tongue.

I noticed another man who had joined the party. He was quite tall with a muscular build equaling that of our young guide. Leah noticed me watching him with interest and came to tell me that his name was Paul and he would be leading the mules and helping Jacob if we had any trouble. He'd expressed an interest in joining us and the animals were his so he had a vested reason for coming along.

I was pleased to have another strong man accompanying us. The more, the merrier I thought. Jasper and I hoisted our packs and took our place behind Leah and Jacob. Paul would follow in the rear with the mules. The women of the tribe began to sing and play their instruments as we walked along a well-trodden trail leaving the village and following the river. Jacob nodded and smiled to everyone we passed. He was obviously enjoying himself and seemed to be in good spirits. That made me hopeful.

As we made our way down the trail, a few straggling children and onlookers followed us for some distance but eventually, we were alone just our small group in the wilderness that was the Amazon. Jasper looked all around him, stopping from time to time to make notes. Leah was vigilant as well but she turned her pretty head from side to side to look for threats and dangers. Jasper was oblivious to everything but the plants and flowers we passed. From time to time he'd pause to sketch like a wild man.

It was a snail's pace that we made due to the lush undergrowth. Jacob had all he could manage to blaze a trail for us with his machete as he hacked at the foliage on the overgrown path. I'd have lost us for certain but he was able to keep us on that little, winding trail though I could see that he was beginning to tire with the efforts. He didn't give up, though. Leah would spell Paul with the mules, from time to time and he would take over for Jacob so the boy could rest and follow behind.

In this manner, we made our way forward. The heat and the biting insects were murder but they didn't seem to be bothering our native companions. When we stopped for lunch at noon, Leah gave Jasper and I a little, clay jar of a noxious-smelling oil and instructed us to rub it on our skin and clothes. Though it smelled rancid, it did seem to work to keep the bugs away from us and that alone was a blessed relief.

I watched Jacob eating. He sat on a fallen tree near his sister and Paul. It was strange how we'd segregated ourselves, naturally. The Europeans sitting on a rock and across the path, the natives on a fallen tree- it was as though we all wished to stay separated from one another. It didn't matter all that much to me. I was actually enjoying myself despite the heat and the insects. Jasper was as well. He showed me his sketches and explained that he planned to put them together in a book of sorts detailing our trip and showcasing all the interesting things he saw along the way. I conveyed my support and that I felt it was a capital idea.

Jacob was anxious to be starting again. He was concerned over our slow progress and seemed to be worried that we would not be able to reach the falls before dark. Leah interpreted his worries to us and informed us that we would all have to move considerably faster that afternoon. Paul was supposed to spell Jacob after lunch but our guide insisted on doing it himself and was driven with a kind of burning energy as we went forward.

The sun was directly overhead and in the open places (and thankfully there were few of those) it was simply unbearable. By midafternoon, however, it had begun to rain. Jasper and I were drenched and Paul was hard pressed to keep the mules up with us in the thick sloshing mud. Our gear was covered with a tarp but I was certain it should be waterlogged just the same. Paul could not spell Jacob in this downpour for Leah would not have been strong enough to keep the mules moving. Luckily for us, the rain was blessedly brief.

As meal time neared, Leah fell back to speak with Jasper and me. "Jacob wants to keep going. He feels that we can still make the falls though we may have to go a little way in the dark. If we don't stop for supper now, we might be able to reach it at dusk. Would you both be willing to put off the evening meal for a bit longer? I'll cook for us tonight when we stop to make camp if you will both agree to wait until then," she offered.

"Will we be able to see to make camp in the dark?" Jasper asked.

"Paul and Jacob will build a large fire to keep us warm and keep the animals away. I can make food while you men set up the tents. I think we should keep moving as long as his strength holds out," she answered, glancing up toward Jacob.

I followed her gaze and noticed our young guide seemed to be tiring out. His dark skin was covered in sweat and dirt. His strong limbs were trembling with the effort to clear the path and his long hair was beginning to come loose from the thong that held it back. Leah left us and went to him, putting her hand on his shoulder to stop him for a moment. She lifted her canteen and gave him a drink and pulled his hair back, securing it for him. I watched as she dampened her handkerchief with water from her canteen and used it to wipe the sweat and grime from his forehead. When she was done, she reached up and put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled his head down, pressing her forehead against his.

I'd noticed the natives at the village doing this same thing and I assumed it was a form of endearment to them. I found it quite touching and so did my Jasper as he reached out and brushed my hand with his. I smiled at him and leaned toward him, stopping myself just in time as I remembered Paul was behind us. When I looked back at him, I noticed he was regarding us, Jasper and me, in a most curious manner. I wondered if he'd seen that little interaction and realized it for what it truly was.

Jacob rested for a few minutes and then moved on once more. I was exhausted and I could see that Jasper was beginning to tire as well. He stumbled more than once and I had to reach out to steady him. Jasper ought to have been sturdier than he was due to his rough and tumble American upbringing but his life in London had made him somewhat soft and spoiled. I supposed that was my doing. I'd pampered him lavishly.

Dusk came upon us quickly and Leah and Paul lit some torches to help guide us. Poor Jacob had to rely on the weak light falling behind him and the full moon overhead. Before long, however, he turned to the group, his young face bright with a huge smile and called to Leah in their tongue. She held up her hand and asked us to be silent. We stood still and that was when I felt it. The ground was shaking perceptively and I could hear a kind of thundering sound; the falls, we'd made it! Though we were still a considerable distance away according to Leah, it gave me hope to know that food, shelter and rest were within reach at last.

It was comforting to know, as well, that Jacob would be able to rest too. The closer we got to the falls, the louder was the thunder of it and the more the ground shook beneath us. At last, we came into a kind of clearing and Jacob stopped, bending forward and resting his hands on his knees. He reached up and pointed with his machete toward the right and Jasper and I stared into the darkness but saw nothing.

"The falls is just down that way," Leah said. "Let's set up the tents while Jacob rests. Paul can start the fire and I'll go for water. Would one of you come with me?" she asked.

"I'll go," Jasper volunteered. I wanted to go too so I could look on that mighty falls that we'd been feeling and hearing for so many miles but I knew I was needed here.

Paul began to gather wood and when Jacob tried to help him, he shooed the boy away. Jacob shrugged and sat down on a large stone to rest. His chest was still heaving with the effort of his labor from the day and he was filthy. I felt sorry for him and wondered if he would have to work as hard the next day. Paul had tied the mules off to small tree and he gestured to them and to the baggage on them. I presumed he wanted me to unload them and so I set to work doing just that. By the time Jasper and Leah had returned, I'd unloaded the mules and begun to set up the tents. Paul had a fire going and was building it up with all the dead wood he could find. Leah watered the mules and Paul fed them some grain.

Jasper came to help me set up our tent and then he went to help Leah set up the second tent. She, Jacob and Paul would all be sleeping in it but they hadn't brought all the things that Jasper and I had felt we couldn't do without. I began to arrange our tent in much the same way it had been the night before in the village that was now miles behind us. I put my cot against one wall, Jasper's against the other with our folding tables beside the cots. I placed the hurricane lamp on Jasper's table and then drug his steamer trunk to the foot of his cot. I did the same with mine. Then I spread the tiger skin rug on the floor between the two cots and placed the extra folding table near the door and sat the Victrola upon it. Now the place looked much more homelike.

Jasper lifted the tent flap and came inside, pausing to wipe his forehead with his handkerchief. I found that sight so enduring that I leapt up and grabbed my love, wrapping him in my arms and swinging him about. I pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, my heart overflowing with pleasure at having these precious, private moments with him. He gently pushed me away and gave me a sweet smile.

"Careful my love, we mustn't carry on so when they might hear or see us," he warned.

"I don't care about it!" I laughed.

"Well you should, you scalawag!" Jasper teased.

"Why should they care? These natives aren't going to interfere with our personal business."

"Oh, Edward," Jasper sighed. "You're incorrigible! Come, Leah is making supper. She wants us all to go down and clean up at the waterfall and Paul is going now."

"You go ahead with him, love. I want to rest for a moment," I answered. "Besides, if I go down there with you right now, I'm afraid that I will be moved to do something quite rash."

"Something rash; whatever do you mean?" Jasper asked with mock innocence.

"Something like this!" I exclaimed as I grabbed him again and pressed my lips passionately against his.

"Patience my love! When they sleep tonight, I'll come to your cot and you can release some of this pent up tension you seem to have and excess of," he said as he nipped at the tip of my nose and then slipped out of the tent to follow Paul. I watched them heading down a barely discernible path that snaked off form the main one. Paul carried a torch and Jasper followed after him.

Leah was kneeling in front of the fire, spitting some kind of dried meat that looked like large pieces of burnt leather. I could have cared less what it was at that moment and Jacob, apparently didn't care if it was warm or not as he kept reaching into the bag and stealing pieces of the dried meat and cramming it into his mouth before she could scold him and swat at him with the wooden fork she held. He laughed and ducked out of her way. When he turned and saw me watching him, he smiled at me and I felt my heart stirring with the desire to walk over and wrap him protectively in my arms. Unfortunately, another desire, one darker and more dangerous was also stirring within me. I ignored it and walked over to kneel down beside the fire and watch Leah working.

After some time had passed, Jacob stood up and took a torch of his own, then headed down the path toward the falls. I fought the overwhelming push to follow him. I couldn't leave Leah alone here. She noticed me watching him, however and glanced up at the path.

"Go with him, would you? The others are heading back now, I can hear them. I don't want him to be there alone," she said.

"As you wish, though I hardly know what help I'd be to him in any troubles we might encounter," I said as I stood and made to follow him down the path.

"You are a man, aren't you? You could fight if you had the need or at the very least you could run and shout for help," she said disgustedly.

I didn't answer her. I could see the light from Paul's torch and in a matter of moments, he and Jasper came into view. Jasper smiled at me as he passed and leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Look but don't touch," he admonished.

"Leah asked me to go with him," I hissed back and mock punched my Jasper in the arm.

"Remember what I said, love," he called after me.

I told myself over and over again that I would do as he said, look and not touch. I wouldn't be the bad man who corrupted this innocent boy. I would just go down and wash up, nothing more. He and I could not speak to one another and so there was no danger of anything untoward occurring. How could it if we couldn't even communicate? And so I made my way down toward the roaring falls beneath the moonlight and tried to ignore the sounds of the jungle above and around me as I did so. When I reached the clearing, I stopped and crouched down in the undergrowth.

Beneath the full moon he stood, before the thunder of the falls that shook the ground below my traitorous feet as I crouched, hidden behind the lush ferns and undergrowth. He turned in my direction and I feared that he knew, somehow, that I was there, secluded and watching him, unbidden.

My eyes drifted over his impressive physique as the water lapped against his tight belly, just below his waist line. I watched him, a voyeur of his beauty, as he tipped his head back and disappeared beneath the water. I waited, holding my breath and was quite startled when he broke the surface only a few, scant feet from where I was hidden.

I could see him quite clearly now, this captivating man-child, his long, black hair sticking to the wet skin of his back as he waded among the shallows, ducking beneath the surface from time to time as he moved so gracefully and naturally within the water, having grown up beside the river. I was conscious of my hand drifting beneath the band of my breeches to stroke shamelessly, at the growing hardness there.

I could not deny that I desperately desired him and in a most un-virtuous way. It was unmanly of me to acknowledge such a thing. Buy yet I wondered, why had he been placed in my path? Was it to tempt me? Was it to draw me away from my beloved, my Jasper? It was the devil's work, I felt, and yet how could it be? Lucifer does not make beautiful things and are we not all God's children?

The conflict within me tormented my wretched soul but alas, I surrendered to it, that dark and rampant desire. I turned my sinful and greedy eyes toward him once more as he swam to and fro in the water, completely unaware that he had a silent watcher. But I could bear the want of him no longer and I rose and traversed the short path to the water's edge. He did not see me at first and so I cleared my throat, as a gentleman would, to make my presence known.

He turned to me and gave me a smile, beaconing to me to join him. I took a seat upon a fallen log and removed my boots and stockings. I shifted my suspenders off of my shoulders and began to unbutton my shirt, as I did so, I felt his eyes upon me; those dark, deep-set eyes, soulful and filled with a childish kind of naivety.

If only he could read my mind, if he could but see into my feverish brain and the wicked thoughts that lurked within it. He would flee from me. Or would he? I stood and slipped my shirt from my shoulders and began to unfasten my breeches. As I pushed them down and stepped from them, I found that I was gripped, quite suddenly, with the immense gravity of the situation. I knew that if I stepped into the water, I would touch him and I realized that I had neither the strength nor the will to stop myself. Yet I felt that it did not weight upon me, the guilt, as I feared it would.

Awash with self-consciousness about my nudity, I stepped into the water and moved toward him, relieved as the dark depths covered my source of shame and hid my arousal from him. I lifted my eyes to drink in the sight of him once more and he splashed water at me teasingly, inviting me, with his silent eloquence, to play at this boyish game with him. How could I not? I acquiesced to him and sent a wave of water splashing toward him.

He laughed aloud, the first time I had ever heard him do so and it was like a kind of precious music to my ears. His voice was too deep to be that of child but it had not yet reached the timber of a man's. I moved toward him, and with one quick and carefully timed movement, I reached out and grabbed him by his long hair and planted a playful kiss upon those full, soft lips.

He drew in a hard breath and pulled slightly back from me in surprise and yet I found no sign of fear in his eyes and he made no move to run away. I took confidence in that and moved toward him once more, feeling that I was much like a hunter, stalking his prey, but Jacob was not a helpless, mindless animal. He was flesh and blood, beating heart and pure soul, primitive and utterly intoxicating to me.

I reached for him again and my hand closed over his wrist beneath the water. I spoke his name, worshipfully and drew closer to him still. Did he know of love? Had he ever tasted the all-consuming fire of passion and spent his pleasure with another? Or was he, as he appeared to be, without the stain of sin upon his handsome flesh?

The heat of my desire was upon me. It was all around me and I was drunk with it and with the power I believed I had over him but it was only and illusion. I knew he was strong enough to break my very bones with his bare hands if he chose to do so. He remained, however, silent as ever and watchful of me.

"Do not do this thing," my conscious chided me and as it did so, I knew the warning was mute. I knew that I would do it, for there was nothing between us but the water and there was no one standing in my way.

He had become for me a thing of exotic beauty; a thing which drove the man within me to madness. I was compelled with a feverish and ardent desire as I perceived within him, a ferocity of spirit, and bravery as rapt and powerful as my own. I knew that he did not fear me even as I bore down upon him where he stood, looking up at me.

I was possessed with a fiery passion, a burning for him, this innocent one who had never been known by another. I knew I could give him, with my embraces, what no woman could ever give him. I longed to show him the secrets of love that I had learned on those long, sleepy, summer afternoons; wrapped up in the arms of my Jasper. I would love him with those skills I'd perfected in patience, when time was my friend, before I'd had in my arms, this trembling, vulnerable one, this young and unrestrained lover.

I thought again of all the men I'd ever given myself to before I met Jasper. I remembered those arms that had pushed me in dark rooms, restrained me against the sheets with the strength that only men possess. I remembered those men who even in the midst of their passion, had sought to discover my submission. Was that it; the prize in this violent and coquettish dance? Was the goal of it all that he should submit himself to my selfish will?

My hands set to trembling as I laid them on his powerful chest and felt there the rapid beating of his heart. Again, I spoke his name as passion flooded my senses and blinded my reason. I stared down into those black eyes that looked up at me with open trust; this thing of beauty, this wild, exotic thing sent to enflame my desires and enslave my soul.

I slipped my hand into his thick, dark hair once more at the base of his neck and tilted his head back as I pushed my body shamelessly against his and brought my arousal up between his thighs to brush wantonly against his own. I wrapped my other arm around his narrow waist and held him taunt as I took his mouth forcefully. He gave no response and I feared he did not understand what he was to do. I released his hair to place my hand beneath his chin, tugging at it and opening his mouth to my advances.

My tongue slid so easily into that soft, pliant mouth and I moved it against his so gently that the roughness of my embrace seemed foreign and out of place. He drew back in shock and pushed against my chest with his strong hands. I looked down at him, his mouth open and his eyes fixed on me with a kind of desperate confusion. I felt my heart wrench within my chest and I prayed that he would not run. He did not.

I moved toward him again, capturing him in one arm and holding him against me as I took his flaccid length in my other hand and began to stroke him. I watched his young face, his confused expression as it fell away and was replaced with obvious surprise at the forced pleasure I was giving him. As I stroked harder I felt him rise against me and I knew he was responding to it favorably. When he closed his bewitching eyes and moaned his pleasure against my mouth, I took him once more in a soulful kiss, loving the taste of him, loving that I was the first to conquer him.

"Yes, my young, beautiful one, my innocent and wild one, if you cry out your pleasure, cry it out into me!" I thought as I drank of his willing mouth, his moans like a kind of music to my hungry ears.

When I felt him shudder against me and become weak in my arms, I knew I had made him give it to me, his surrender, and his pleasure. I was drunk with the thought that I had been the first to take it from him. Yet even so, I was moved with deep emotion at the realization that he had given me a beautiful gift, his submission to me, his surrender. I would not forget that. It was a gift to be cherished. As I moved back to look down into those mesmerizing eyes once more, I could see that he wasn't frightened and for that I was thankful. Yet even so, I realized that I had betrayed my hearts love with this momentary indiscretion.

We moved like mannequins out of the water and dressed in silence. I followed him as he led the way back to the camp, the sounds of the jungle, more vivid, more surreal after this little encounter. It was as though my senses had become more acute, more attuned. I could hear the Victrola playing in our tent; I could see Leah poking at the embers of the fire as she knelt before it, cooking our supper.

I reached out and grasped his wrist, pulling him back toward me and I placed my finger over my lips to signify the need for silence from him and I prayed that he too would value our need for discretion. He nodded solemnly to convey his understanding and then stepped out into the clearing.

I went to the tent where Jasper lay sleeping soundly. His spectacles were eschewed on his face and the book he'd been reading had fallen to one side. I reached down and took the book, placing it on his folding table. I put his spectacles on top of it and ran my fingers through his hair. I was seized, suddenly, with a horrible need to wake him, take him into my arms and confess my sinful deeds but I knew I hadn't the fortitude to do such a thing. It was done. I'd broken his trust and if he were to discover it, then I feared that things would change between us.

Leah began to call for us to come and eat. I bent down and kissed Jasper's forehead. "Wake up, lover. It's time for dinner," I said.

His green eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me. "Edward, I must have drifted off. How was your bath?" he asked, looking up at me and smiling sweetly.

"Quite stimulating," I answered. "Now come my love." I reached out and took his hand, helping him to stand and we made our way out to the fire.

We, all of us, ate in silence. It didn't take long to make the roasted, dried, boar meat and corncakes disappear. Jasper and I had opened one of our bottles of wine and we passed it around to the group as we ate. I couldn't help but cast glances at Jacob and a few times a saw him looking up at me through his impossibly long lashes as he bit his lower lip. I felt like a criminal. He looked like such a child when he did that. I wanted to crawl away into a hole and rot.

After our meal, Leah took a flute and began to play softly. We sat around the fire listening to that sweet music as the fire died down to smoldering coals. Paul rose and tossed more wood on it to build it up for the night. Jasper yawned and fell over against me. I righted him and smiled at his sleepiness.

"Goodnight, Jasper and I must retire now," I said to Leah and I nodded to Paul and Jacob, pausing to pass my eyes over him one last time before turning and helping a very sleepy Jasper back to our tent.

As I tucked him into bed, he protested. "But love, I wanted to be with you tonight," he said as he reached up to grasp my wrist.

"Nap for a bit and if you wake during the night and want me, you know where to find me," I said as I leaned down and kissed him softly.

By the time I'd put out the lamp and tucked myself in to my cot, I could hear Jasper snoring quietly. I laughed softly as I pulled the blanket up over myself and leaned back against the pillow. I began to drift away to the sounds of the flute music and the crackling of the fire; the rumble of the falls behind, a natural backdrop to it all. Did I feel guilty? Yes, I felt dreadfully guilty and yet at the same time, I did not regret what I'd done and I knew that given the opportunity, I'd do it again.

"I am the devil," I whispered as sleep took me.


	7. Chapter 7

Wild Orchid

Chapter Seven

I lay on my cot, tossing and turning about in an utterly dreadful state. I burned with an unsated need and I could find no relief for my unfortunate condition. Jasper snored softly just a few feet from me. I longed to wake him with my kisses and embraces but I felt completely wretched over my recent exploit with Jacob. Though he behaved as if completely unaffected by our encounter, I worried that he might disclose my reckless lapse in judgment with Leah. That she would then browbeat me ceaselessly for it was without doubt. At last I could stand my misery no longer and rose from my cot, stealing across the room like a thief in the night.

"Jasper, my love, will you wake for me?"

He shifted about in his blankets and yawned, stretching his lean arms and arching his shapely back. "What is the time?" he asked.

"Nearly midnight, love. I must apologize for this rude interruption of your nights rest but I am afraid I'm in quite a quandary."

"In what quandary are you, my darling?" he asked, smiling up at me in the dim light from the lone, low-burning candle.

Before he could say anything further, I fell upon him, covering his body with my own and forcing my arousal against him in a most self-gratifying manner. He made no move to dislodge himself from me and in fact, began to reciprocate with his own advances, despite his apparent state of exhaustion. It was nearly impossible for either us of to resist the other when love in the darkness was the object of the encounter.

So it was that we, in a matter of mere moments, found ourselves without our garments and wrapped within the sweltering embrace that only we two could possess together. Jasper's eager hands were trailing down my back in a most possessive manner and he rose against me to place his mouth near my ear. In so doing, he had put himself in a position to completely unman me with the words he spoke in candor.

"Did you take advantage of him?"

The question nearly stopped my heart. I lifted up on my arms, bracing above him to look down at the handsome, green-eyed devil. He smiled up at me like a Cheshire cat and I feared he must have been observing the play between Jacob and me, hidden amongst the ferns as I had been when first I went to the falls. As I was, for the moment, unable to find voice to make my excuses, he filled the silence with another question.

"Did he return your advances?"

The interrogative caught me most off guard and without thinking; I spoke in Jacob's defense and so damned myself in the process.

"Of course he didn't! He is completely without knowledge on the subject and he stood there as if he was shocked by my actions…" I fell to silence, my traitorous tongue having already trapped me in an admission of guilt.

Oh he was most coy, my Jasper. He'd managed to, with a seemingly innocent question, trick me into disclosing my imprudence with the boy. If I'd felt wretched before, I was absolutely without recourse at that point. I sat up on the side of the cot and reached for my cigarette case. I could not stop the trepidous shaking of my hands and I wished for the candle to simply extinguish itself; for the darkness to enclose me and cover my humiliation. Jasper moved to sit beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"How could I blame you, my love? He is everything that a warm- blooded lover of young men would desire. Did you find him wanting in any way? I've tried to discover a fault in him but I am unable to do so. Tell me; is he as naïve as he appears? I wonder how a boy could grow up in a village such as his and not learn something of the ways of physical passion. It seems bizarre, does it not?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I simply tried to kiss his mouth and he was frightened and pulled away, pushing at me. We played in the water, that was all…"

"Don't attempt to mislead me, Edward. I saw his face at supper. I observed the way he watched your every move and quickly averted his eyes when they chanced to meet yours. Won't you at least share your mortification with me? I wanted so to follow you and catch you in the act. I knew you would try to do it. You hadn't enough time to engage in much indiscriminate behavior with him but won't you tell me, at least, what you did do?"

"Jasper, don't make me do this, I cannot!" I hissed, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Must I be coy in that as well; this wringing of information from you? Did you kiss him? Did you put your hands on his body? Did he touch you back?"

"Stop this, please! Is it not enough for you to know that I betrayed you? Are you gaining a kind of pleasure from torturing me?" I asked.

"No, of course not, I want to see it in my mind as it unfolded. Better yet, don't tell me, show me. Imagine, if you will, that I am he and you are you. Now, stand up and face me and we will play at this game. Do to me what you did to him." Jasper grasped my unwilling hand and forced me to stand with him. He took my cigarette and tossed it into the crystal ash tray on my folding table. "Come, love, do it for me," he begged.

I sighed. "He beaconed to me to come into the water and I undressed and joined him. He wanted to play a game of splashing the water about and we did so for a moment, then I approached him and took him by his long hair…" I reached out and grasped the back of Jasper's neck, looking into his jade eyes for some sign of distress, finding none, I proceeded. "I then bent down and quickly gave him a chaste kiss like this."

I brushed my lips against Jasper's and felt him draw in a sharp breath against my mouth. I continued in my description of my fall from grace. "He drew away from me in surprise but showed no fear so I advanced on him again. I took his wrist beneath the water and pulled him to me. I reached for the back of his neck and tilted his head up to me and I tried again to take his mouth, this time with more passion but he didn't understand what I was about. I used my thumb to open his mouth and showed him what a tongue is for. He responded but then pushed me away again. When he did not run…"

At this point, I reached out and captured Jasper in my arm in much the same way I'd done to Jacob hours earlier, pulling him against me and reaching for his manhood. I took Jasper in hand and began to stroke him firmly, demonstrating what ploy I'd used to shatter Jacob's hold on his passion. It had much the same effect on Jasper as he leaned against me, pushing himself into the palm of my hand.

"Then, I kissed him again…" I eased my tongue into Jasper's open mouth and felt his arms come around me. When I opened my eyes again, Jasper looked into them and I could see his arousal and his desire written there. "He didn't touch me as you are now. He didn't understand any of it, Jasper. He only knows that what I did to him felt pleasant. He might think it a normal behavior for men to engage in now. I hope I didn't warp his sensitivities overly much."

"It's not as if you're really worried about that now are you, love? You will most certainly attempt to have him again the moment you are able to do so. I understand your insatiable desires, Edward. I know you have demons to struggle with and I would never stand in the way. I only ask you to remember that he is a boy…" Jasper made no effort to finish his statement as my hand continued to work him in a most insistent fashion. He became rather weak in the knees and began to draw me toward his cot quite persistently.

I gave over to him and lay down. He quested over my body with his warm, skillful hands, slender hands, soft and un-calloused, so different from Jacob's. Jasper, my Jasper, the man I knew better than any other living being; my heart and soul within his grasp and his within mine.

"Love me," he said so eloquently.

"You desire it of me after what I've done?" I inquired.

"With all that I am."

His answer did not surprise me. He was as forgiving as the crucified Christ. I left him for only a moment to retrieve my bag and the supply of oil I had hidden within it. When he drew me against him once more, I found him hard and ready for me. I paused to look down at him once more and gave him my most sorrowful expression. "Love, how can you stand me?" I asked in all sincerity.

"I love you and that is simply the answer," he breathed against my lips as he rose to kiss me.

"Don't you want to take me now?" I asked, thinking it the fair and honorable thing to offer him.

"No, love, I want to know that I am first in your heart," he replied.

"Never think otherwise!" I cried, almost too loudly. I knew that Paul had still been awake when I'd looked out less than an hour earlier. The only reason I wasn't concerned was that he could not understand our language.

"Stop hesitating, then. Are you a man or not?" Jasper teased.

I silenced his prattle with my mouth and ground against him with abandon. We made our way from the cot to the floor and lay on the tiger skin rug. Our actions could be much more violent and possessive with the firm ground beneath us. My hands tangled in his hair as I brought him up onto his knees beneath me and reached for his hardness, letting my weight down onto his back. He held me up and I quested for the place within him that would make him my slave.

I knew when I had located it. He stiffened and then went slack, nearly falling forward against the ground as I moved my fingers within him. "Do you like that, love? I would never do this with anyone else but you," I vowed, wondering if those words were true.

"Give me all of it! I want you, please, Edward!" he begged.

"I want to love you with all of me, Jasper but you desire gentle love and I need something more tonight," I answered.

"Then give me what I must have and take what you must have from him if he will give it," Jasper replied.

"But love, I desire it of you, not him," I begged.

"I do not enjoy rough embraces. I know you want such but I cannot surrender to it. If you love me then do it with grace. If that is not good enough for you…"

"Never think it," I cut him off and wrapped my arms around his waist, moving into him with all the usual ease and careful consideration for his desire. As always, my needs were second and I knew I deserved no less on this of all nights.

I wanted so to lose myself in the act but I couldn't. He required me to remain alert and in control of my more base instincts. I'd not felt any such restraint with Jacob. I braced myself with my hands on his lower back and moved slowly and gently, prolonging the pleasure and the agony of my need. When he dropped his head, pressing his face against the rug to muffle his cries of pleasure, I gave myself over to it and finished. I'd never felt so cheated in the act and yet it was no different from any other time we'd made love.

His soft kisses afterword only made me hungry for more. As we moved to part and take our places on our separate cots least we be found naked and wrapped in each other's arms in the morning, I reached for him and held him so tightly that I was fairly certain I cut off his breath.

"Please, don't think that I don't love you," I whispered.

"I know you do or else you wouldn't put up with my insistent ways. I realize you aren't getting what you need from me and that is why I don't condemn you for your conquest of him. I only ask that you do me the honor of not falling madly in love with him. I ask that you reserve that sentiment for me alone. Can you do that, Edward?" he asked.

"Without a doubt, my love. You have my heart and you know that."

"I do so and I will not let it go. Remember, Edward, you mustn't harm him. He is very young and we will leave this place when our task is done. He must remain here and it might be difficult for him if he becomes attached to you."

"Yes, I will do my best to prevent such a thing from occurring."

"Good, now I must beg you to go to sleep. We will have another trying day tomorrow and I would imagine that Leah will wake us before dawn."

He settled down and within moments was drifting in dreams. I lay back and stared at the canvas tent above me. I was beginning to harden again and I knew sleep would elude me. I reached beneath the blanket and wrapped my hand around my arousal, stroking it firmly. Remembering what he'd felt like in my hand beneath the water, recalling the softness of his mouth, the darkness of his eyes.

"I am damned," I gasped in a hoarse whisper as I released into the palm of my hand.


	8. Chapter 8

Wild Orchid

Chapter Eight

I lay awake, the darkness of our tent illuminated slightly by the full moon that sailed directly overhead. This, the end of our second day in the Amazon jungle, had left me feeling exhausted and frustrated. Though I knew the object of our journey was to return the idol, it seemed as though I had forgotten it. I could not clear from my head, the disastrous conflict of emotions that welled within me.

I tossed and turned restlessly, Jasper's soft snores serving only to make me more aware of my inability to drift completely into dreams. I could not shake the memory of his eyes, the feel of his soft skin, his mouth… It was all quite torturous to me. I turned my back to Jasper and tried in vain to find the sleep that eluded me. Just as I was about to slip away, I was startled by a shuffling sound in our tent.

I sat up and groped for my lighter. When I struck it, I nearly cried out. Jacob was kneeling on the floor beside my cot. He jerked back from the flash of the lighter in shock and frowned, pressing his finger to his lips. He reached out and took my wrist in his hand, tugging on it most insistently. I sat up on the side of my cot and reached for my boots, slipping them on and sliding my suspenders up on my shoulders. I tucked my shirt in and buttoned it, then stood and followed him as he lifted the flap of our tent and stepped out beneath the full moon.

He took a torch that he had placed on the ground near our tent and lifted it, then with his other hand; he reached back and captured my wrist, once again. I allowed him to lead me. As we passed the other tent where Leah and Paul slept, I listened intently but I could hear no sound. It was obvious where he meant to take me. We were going to the falls. I made no effort to stop him. I moved as quietly as possible along the path but I did not have his skills and he was pulling me along rather quickly.

When the falls came into view, I was surprised to find that he did not lead me to the water but rather toward the falls itself and I was struck with a sudden alarm that perhaps he meant to throw me off of it or drown me for what I'd done. I resolved to go with him none the less. I knew I deserved whatever revenge he wanted to put on me.

I discovered that he was following a small, narrow path that led directly toward the thunderous falls and as we drew closer, I saw, in the light of the torch, that the path went directly behind the mighty water. He led and I followed to this secret place. As we passed beneath, drops and mist from the falls coated my face and chest. It was most refreshing in the incessant heat and I found this night time adventure quite invigorating.

Secreted just behind the center of the great falls was a small cave. Jacob entered it and pulled me behind him, the light from his torch our only illumination. The floor of the cave was soft sand and its walls glittered as though scattered with the facets of many diamonds.

I noticed then, that a woven blanket had been spread out on the floor and Jacob gestured to it and motioned for me to sit. I did as he asked and he leaned the torch against the wall of the cave and turned to face me. He stood over me looking both menacing and arousing at the same time. What did he want of me? I could only guess that he wished to repeat the pleasure I'd given him earlier.

I watched, mesmerized, as he reached for the tie that held his loin cloth and loosed it. The small swath of leather fell away and he stood, in all his exotic glory before me. I passed my eyes over this object of my desire with an undisguised longing. He was more than I'd ever imagined in my wildest dreams. He looked down at me with a kind of confused longing and I knew he was as frustrated with our inability to openly communicate as I was. I perceived, also, that his frustration seemed to stem from his lack of knowledge. He knew that I'd given him a feeling that was alien and unknown and he knew, just as keenly, that he had enjoyed it and wanted it again.

He moved to kneel beside me on the blanket and he reached uncertainly for my hand, pulling it toward him, beseeching me to touch him once more. He bit his lower lip and frowned as he struggled with the conflict he felt. I could see it in his fair face, the tumult of emotions. I chose to ease that misery. I rose up over him and pressed on his chest, urging him to lie down on the blanket. He did so and I hovered over him a moment. Any indecision I might have felt was swept away when he spoke my name breathlessly in that heavy, native accent.

"Edward…"

He could say no more to me but my name and it was enough. I slipped my suspenders down and quickly unbuttoned my shirt, tossing it aside. My boots followed and then my breeches and I to was naked with him on the blanket. What are you doing, man? Are you mad? I wondered to myself as I lay beside him. I leaned up on one elbow, looking down into those black eyes that roved over my white skin with abandon. I must look like a thing quite foreign to him, so much pale when he was accustomed to only the rich, caramel skin of his own people.

He raised his hand and brushed it over the stubble on my chin and whispered something in his language that I couldn't understand. "Jacob," I answered as I lowered my mouth to his and kissed him with a roughness that I would never have attempted with my Jasper. Jacob responded to it with a ferocity of his own and I found myself wrapped in his powerful arms. I realized, in that moment, that I'd awakened the man in him and now there would be no turning back.

"Then let the dance begin," I whispered, though I knew he didn't understand.

He rolled so that his weight was resting on me and he pressed me down into the sand on the blanket. I clutched at his back and slid my hands down to his narrow hips, pulling at them and showing him with that action, that he might relieve some of his misery by grinding himself against me. He was quick to understand this trick and began to move most wantonly and without restraint. I watched his face as he realized the pleasure he was experiencing. His eyes fluttered closed and he gasped for breath, then sucked the air back in through clenched teeth, an intoxicating moan escaping from his full lips as he did so.

I pushed up against him with the same abandon, desiring more contact. I found my greedy mouth had begun to water with a need that I could not deny much longer and I pushed against his nearly immovable chest. He looked at me with a confused frown but I was insistent and he rose up for me, rolling to one side and seeming quite disappointed. He would only feel that for a moment. I urged him with gentle pushes to lie back against the blanket once more and he did so, keeping himself propped up with his elbows to watch me.

I looked up at him with my most seductive expression, and then wrapped my hand around his hard, needy, and beautifully un-cut endowment. He took in another of those ragged breaths as I leaned down and ghosted my eager breath over the leaking tip of it, then I did what to him must have been simply unthinkable. I opened my mouth over him and took it all in.

He cried out and clutched at my head both trying to pull me off and at the same moment pushing me down. I loved his state of conflict and confusion. It was painfully arousing to me to know that I had him in such a way. He began to push up with his hips in that natural and instinctual way that men do and I allowed it as it served to drive him into the back of my throat. Yes, use me, Jacob! You cannot be too rough! My traitorous mind raved like the mad man it commanded.

I sucked on him with all my strength. I desired to make this experience as wonderful for him as I could. It was obvious that my efforts were paying off. From the sounds he made, I knew he wouldn't last much longer. I wanted so to proffer myself to him, for him to take me completely but I knew he wouldn't understand what to do and I honestly didn't know how I could possibly show him without causing him even more confusion.

As I continued to draw on him, I reached down and took his balls into my hand, massaging them firmly between my fingers. He clutched at my hair and I feared he would pull it from my head. That would need some explaining to my Jasper if he did. Feeling a bit more adventurous than normal, I decided to push yet a bit further and moved my conquesting fingers lower, circling his opening with them. I was afraid that he would balk at that but he was too far gone with his pleasure to even notice.

I pushed just the tip of one finger into him and when I did, he cried out and thrust his hips against my mouth so hard that I gagged on him. I felt the hot, salty liquid strike the back of my throat and I swallowed all he had to give me. It was the catalyst I had been waiting for, to drive my desperate needs. I released my own pleasure only a mere moment after his and fell against him, resting my head on his firm belly.

As the last of those shuddering waves of bliss passed over him, he fell flat against the blanket gasping for breath. I sat up beside him and looked down at him lying there, breathless and sated. What a beautiful child of a man he was to me and yet he wasn't mine, not in the way that my Jasper was. I felt the lump rise in my throat and the conflict returned. I had the sense to realize that Jasper was my life and my true love so what was Jacob, then? Could a man love with equal abandon, more than one heart, more than one soul? Or was this just lustful desire and nothing more? As I looked down into those large, vivid eyes full of fading innocence, my heart lurched as the finality of what I was doing to him began to set in.

So overcome with guilt was I, that I sought absolution from the very one I felt I'd wronged. I lay down and put my head on his broad shoulder, stretching my arm across his still heaving chest and throwing my leg over his thighs as if to draw as much of him against me as I could. He easily held my weight and I felt his arms encircle me.

We lay together in the little cave as the torch burned low and I knew we needed to return but so help me I couldn't tear myself out of his arms. His youth, his dying innocence, it was too close to my own lost heart, my own lost innocence. I both loved and hated him. He had begun to personify to me the boy I'd once been before I left the safe confines of my father's house and sought relief from my un-natural longings in the back streets of London, in the places where noble men don't go. In the long ago when I'd given myself to rough men of low character, I'd let them take from me the very thing I was now trying to take from Jacob.

I made no effort to stop the flow of tears that came so naturally. He tightened his strong arms around me as he heard me weeping as if to convey comfort. How could I tell him that I was sorry when in truth, I was still reveling from my sins with him?

After far too much time had passed, I reluctantly rose and moved away from him to dress. When I turned back to him, he'd done the same and rolled up the blanket, tying it onto his back in pack like fashion. He took up the torch and reached for my hand. I again allowed him to lead me back past the falls and along the path. As we neared the tents, he turned to me and laying the torch aside, took me in his arms and kissed me hard and possessively. It was so powerful that it made my knees weak and I fell against him.

He pulled back and ran his fingers through my hair. I did the same to him and in that moment, I knew that if he tried to run away with me, I would go. I would despise myself for all eternity for running from my Jasper but I would go. We parted ways and he went into his tent and I into mine. Jasper still slept. I envied him that rest. I returned to my cot and cast myself down onto it in almost more misery than I'd been in before I went with Jacob.

"I must stop this! I must stop it before it goes any further. He will fall in love with me and I with him and then when we must part at the end of this, it will destroy us both!" I gasped into the darkness.

"It's too late for that, my love," Jasper mumbled from his side of the room.

My blood ran cold.


	9. Chapter 9

Wild Orchid

Chapter Nine

I turned to face my wronged lover and observed him sitting calmly on the side of his cot eyeing me, a villainous traitor to our love, with a bemused expression.

"Jasper!" I gasped. "I thought you slept. I didn't mean to wake you."

"I'm sure you didn't, Edward. I'm sure you didn't mean for me to hear that little benediction either. Don't you realize that he already has a hold on you and you on him? Didn't I warn you that this would happen? He's a child, Edward and now things are complicated. What will you do when he comes for you again? For he most certainly will. Have you the strength to turn him away? I think not."

"Well would you have?" I asked angrily as I sat up and reached for my cigarettes. Would you be able to tell him no if it was you he desired? I tell you I cannot and neither could you, Jasper."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, setting it wild; his curls drifting back to partially obscure his eyes. He looked tired and worn and I felt wretched for perceiving myself to be the cause of his distress.

"No, my love, I doubt if I would be able to resist his innocent charm either but you must get a hold of this unchecked passion. If Paul or Leah were to learn of your liaisons' with him, I guarantee you there would be repercussions. Do you know what she told me? I asked her why he seemed so naïve and it's something I wish they'd told us sooner. Come sit with me, love and I'll let you in on the know."

I rose and made my way across the tent, carefully stepping over the tiger skin rug and unable to suppress the memory of Jacob kneeling on it and reaching for the shadow shapes spinning around the tent. I shook my head as if to expel the vision and joined my love on his cot. I offered him a cigarette and he took it gladly, exhaling the menthol scented smoke and relaxing into his narrative.

"When you and Jacob were playing down at the falls, I made so bold as to inquire of his childish manners to Leah, thinking him perhaps simple minded. She informed me that he, being their father's only living son and the youngest at that, had always been kept carefully sheltered. He must be innocent and pure when he undergoes their coming of age ceremony. He will someday take his father's place as the shaman of their people. Their law requires such purity of heart and mind in order to be blessed by their Gods. I found it all rather superstitious nonsense as does she but most of the villagers still hold to their old ways. Their father certainly does."

"So then you are telling me that I've ruined him?" I cried, aghast.

"Did you lay with him?" Jasper asked, refusing to meet my eyes.

"No, I… I pleasured him again but I didn't take him in the conventional sense. I used my mouth on him and that was all. I did nothing further," I sighed as I relinquished my guilty admission.

"Then I would strongly admonish you to do no more than you already have. In time he will seek you out again. You've shown him how erotic the touch of another can be but he has been shielded from any kind of sensual pleasure and now he will be wild with want of it. You will have to find a way to resist his desires if you can, though you are the fault of it. I didn't know it was this grave, the consequences. If I had, I never would have encouraged you to seek him out. I feel as though I too am at fault," he said, glancing up at me with those stark, green eyes.

My heart quickened and I reached out to brush my fingertips along his unshaven jaw. "My love, what a mess I've put us both in. Know that I do still love you and always have. You have my heart, Jasper, know that," I vowed.

"I never doubted your love for me. I know the reason why you seek his embraces. He reminds you of yourself in the past, doesn't he?" my wise lover asked.

Jasper could always see through my defenses. He knew my deepest thoughts and my greatest fears. It was his complete understanding and acceptance of me, even with all my many faults, that made me love him with such abandon.

"Will you not talk with me of this?" he asked. "Bare your soul to me, my love."

I sighed and took a slow drag from my cigarette. "It's late, Jasper…" I attempted to stall.

"Won't work with me, Edward. I want your words. Give them to me."

I turned to face him and saw only his open trust, his forgiveness. I hated myself for my betrayal of it but I knew he'd already put it behind him.

"Jasper, you know I've told you of my past, my indiscretions with men beneath my station in life. I started it when I was only 15. I knew, by then, that I was a man who longed for the companionship of other men in ways that were not acceptable. My first dalliance was with a stable boy who was about 18 or so. I gave him some fine whiskey and bribed him to take me in the hayloft of my father's barn. He didn't need much encouragement. It was rough and painful and I hated him for it after it was done. I regretted that it had been so but that didn't stop me from seeking it again.

"I went out into London, in the dark streets of Cheapside and spent my time in seedy taverns frequented by sailors and journeymen. It was no hardship on me to find a willing partner. Always I asked for it to be rough, for the man I'd chosen, to use me in that manner. I was raped on more than one occasion. I don't know why I needed it so. I've never understood but it was something in my nature that desired to be so treated.

"I have changed as the years have passed and now I find that I am the one who desires to dominate and to control. It is his state of innocence, the fact that no other has even known him in that way, it is like a drug to me, Jasper. He is like a siren song that calls endlessly in the darkness. "Come to me, take me, use me, I'm yours".

"Edward, I know all of this already. I'm only concerned for your state of mind and his as well. Perhaps I should approach Leah and ask her to keep a stronger watch on him…" Jasper began.

"No! You mean to make her believe that he is at fault? I am the one to blame for this dreadful state of affairs! I'm the one who sought him out, made the advances. He doesn't even know what we are about when we are together. He knows it feels good and that to him is all he thinks it is," I protested.

"You lie, Edward. No, I don't think you mean to lie, rather you delude yourself. He is no fool. I'm sure he knows he's been denied certain things in life. I have no doubt whatsoever that he is not completely ignorant of the concept of physical pleasure. How could he not wonder about it, the sensations and feelings that start to stir in the body of every young man? Look at him! He has the face of a child but his body is that of a man much older and tell me, love, is his endowment not more suited to that of a man than a boy?"

"Yes," I conceded. "He is rather well endowed."

"Then you know his body has stirred, even before you sought to awaken it with your embraces. I'm sure he has, at the very least, pleasured himself. Even drooling idiots in institutions do as much, having no brain in their heads at all to comprehend such a thing, knowing only that it brings guttural pleasure."

"Jasper," I protested vainly.

"No, listen to me, Edward. This must stop. You are the one who will have to stop it. He will not do so without some sign from you that you no longer wish it to continue. He will seek to have that contact again. If it goes on unchecked, he may become twisted in his mind and end up as you and I, aroused only by another man," Jasper warned.

"You speak of it, this attraction between us, as though it were a thing most vile to you!" I cried, clearly over-reacting.

"Edward, you make a point not to understand my admonishments. You know I love you. Let that be enough."

I leaned back and rested against his cot and he moved to lie beside me, stretching out and laying his head on my shoulder. I absently ran my fingers through his hair and brushed my lips against his forehead. My heart was in a state of complete bewilderment. I knew it belonged to Jasper but yet my passion longed for Jacob, for his body, for his kisses, his hesitant and blushing touches. God, how I wanted him and yet it was Jasper I held and that was right as well. I fought against the tears that threatened to announce themselves in my eyes and swallowed the hard lump in the back of my throat.

"Love, promise me you will not take him the way you were taken. If have him you must, at least promise me you won't hurt him, damage him the way you were broken. Promise me that. If you did such to him, it would be irrevocable and he would be changed forever. Don't do that to him. He isn't like us, Edward. His world is here with his people. It always will be. He will never be one of us and we will never be like him."

Jasper rose up and looked down at me with a kind of unrequited longing in his eyes. "I want you love. Won't you take me as you long to take him? Will you ever be satisfied with me, my body, and my embraces or will you be always ever looking for that better experience just beyond the horizon?"

"There is none better than you in my eyes, love!" I promised as I placed my hand on the back of his neck and drew him down to me. I urged his mouth open with my tongue and tasted the sweetness of his mouth, the wine scent of his breath. "Jasper," I moaned into his mouth. "My love," he answered.

I pushed at his breeches, loosening the belt and shoving them down his hips and beneath his knees. He shifted to remove then and I began to strip away my own shirt and breeches. When he came back to me, he was naked in all his glory and lay with his body stretched out full length upon mine, his hardness pressed to my own and matching its ardent desire.

"I think that I want to love you now, Edward. Consider it your penance for sinning so willingly with him. Will you acquiesce to me?" he asked.

"But of course I will," I whispered to him as I accepted his proffered kiss.

He lifted up so that I could turn and lay upon my belly for him and he reached beneath his cot and drew forth the small bottle of oil we had hidden there. I turned my head to look over my shoulder at him as he poured it into the palm of his hand and began to stroke himself. What an awe inspiring sight it was to me to watch that arousing spectacle.

"God, love, do you know how sensual you are? You drive me mad watching you touch yourself in that manner," I moaned.

He merely smiled and shifted his hips forward to give me a better view. I watched, riveted to the spot as he slid his other hand between his spread thighs and circled his opening teasingly. "I'd wager you would love to be inside me right now, wouldn't you?" he jested, tilting his head down and looking up at me lustfully.

I sucked in a hard, panting breath as he pushed his finger just inside and tipped his head back, gasping with the pleasure of it, the dual sensations. "Do I make you warm, my love? Are you wanton for me? Would you reach your passion simply by watching and deny it to me?"

"Never!" I cried. "Jasper, please, have mercy on me! Take me, please, love, I need… I want… God, I need," I keened as I thrust my hips against the cot desiring any possible friction that I could obtain.

"Beg me for it," he said, his voice low and husky with passion.

"Jasper, I beg you, please give me your cock! Take me with it! Make me scream your name and make me want no other," I gasped, panting and moaning like a man possessed.

"I'll give it to you, love," he whispered against my ear as he stretched out to lay over me.

I moved my legs apart to give him better access to me and waited for the impalement. When it came, it was the same slow, torturous pace that he always set when he took me. I needed it rougher. I needed to be driven like a nail into the cot and made to suffer. I knew I deserved his wrath but he refused to give me that release. He rode me with the easy, gentle passion he always possessed and I was forced to endure that exquisite torture until I could hold back my release no longer.

"Yes, Edward, this is love, this is desire, not the rape you want and crave. Why must you need it so? Is this perfect love not good enough for you? Do you feel you must be punished for it, your un-natural desire? Have you been made to feel that you are evil and therefore need the act to be painful in order to feel as though you have done your penance for it? This is how love should be. This is all you need. Give it to me, Edward. Give me your release. I want it. I want to own it and to own you, your heart, and your soul. So beautiful to me, so beautiful…" his deep sultry voice broke into a protracted moan as he spilled into my willing body. The force of his final thrusts having behind them enough strength to give me that coarseness I craved and pushing me past the point of resistance. I gave it to him, my passion and I surrendered myself to his demand. I was his and he knew it.

I lay on my cot once more, trying desperately to find some rest. My body had been most thoroughly sated and yet I had still a restless spirit. What damage had I done to Jacob? Would he confess to his father and sister what had occurred and would that prevent him from taking his rightful place in his tribe? Was Jasper right when he believed that if I simply stopped the rampant behavior the danger could be averted? If I'd only known at that moment, if I'd only foreseen the dreadful consequences that lay ahead, I would have acted to prevent it. I would have moved heaven and earth to keep safe those I loved. As fate would have it, I would find myself forced to do just that.

Authors Note: I forgot to give props where props were due in the last chapter. Marie gave me the hook "So the dance begins" and I loved it! Thanks also to Mistydeb for the Siren song reference I borrowed from her review! Also to Ant1gon3 and Rat3000 for being muses to me and letting me bounce ideas off them. Thank you also, to all of you that read and review, thanks for following along with me on this wild journey!


	10. Chapter 10

Wild Orchid

Chapter Ten

It wasn't our fair Leah who awakened Jasper and me the following morning; it was a rather disgruntled Paul. He lifted the flap of our tent and cleared his throat, gesturing for us to come out. It was still dark when we struggled into our clothes and began to pack up. Paul was loading up the mules and Leah was stirring something in a pot over the remnants of the fire. Jacob was nowhere in sight.

Jasper and I made our way down to the falls to freshen up at the pool and when we returned to camp, we knelt near the fire and took the clay bowls of soup Leah handed us. She'd made a kind of stew of the left over roasted boar. It wasn't exactly breakfast fare but it did fill the belly.

"Where's Jacob?" I asked her, attempting to be as nonchalant about my question as possible. I felt Jasper's eyes on me as I lifted the bowl and drained the remainder of my soup.

"He's gone ahead to scout out the trail. It gets very hard to find from now on out. He says there is a bridge ahead and he's worried that it may not be safe for the mules to cross. He's not even sure it will hold our weight. If it doesn't, then we may have to go miles out of our way to try and find a safe place to cross the river."

I glanced over at Jasper and he had a worried look on his handsome face. My love had a very strong dislike for bridges of any kind and I had no doubt that the one we were facing today would further feed his insecurities. I would find that I was most correct in that assumption.

"Leah!" Jasper and I both jerked our heads up in unison as Jacob called out suddenly from the edge of the camp. She got up and went quickly to him, their dark heads pressed together as they spoke in their lilting language. I wished desperately that I'd learned some of it.

When she returned, her face was grave. "Jacob is concerned about the safety of the bridge but he wishes to try it just the same. He feels that if we try to take it one a time, Paul leading the first mule and then him after that with the second, that we might be able to cross safety. He wants you, Jasper and me across first."

When I turned to Jasper, I observed that his face had taken on a noticeably paler shade. I reached out and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "We'll be fine, Jasper. Don't fret! Jacob knows what he's doing. He wouldn't lead us astray."

Jasper didn't look particularly reassured but he did at least make an attempt to relax. Leah tossed a crock of water on the fire and stirred the ashes to be certain it was completely out, and then she packed up the last of her belongings. We set out on the path behind Jacob, just as we'd done the day before.

After traveling along the difficult path for nearly an hour, the sound of the falls finally began to fade into the distance behind us. I found myself somewhat sad to hear only the sounds of the jungle around us. That falls had such a special meaning for me. I'd meant to ask Leah what it was called in their language but I'd been far too distracted that morning.

Following behind a sweaty, provocative-looking, native boy made rational thought rather difficult for me. Though I stayed far enough back to prevent being struck with his machete as he swung it back and forth, I was close enough to smell his sweat and be treated to a view of his perfect body and rippling musculature as he moved quickly through the undergrowth. Leah walked beside me and Jasper came behind us, stopping, just as before, to sketch a plant he'd never seen or a flower he liked the look of.

Jacob paused and called to Paul to take over for him as he stopped to rest for a moment. Leah went to him and gave him her canteen. He drank and then fell back to walk next to Jasper and me. He glanced at the sketch book in Jasper's hand, then reached out and snatched it away from my very surprised love, who turned his concerned eyes on me.

"He just wants to look at it," I assured Jasper.

Jacob stopped walking and stood still, flipping through the drawings. He stopped at a picture of an orchid and held it out to Jasper, his eyebrows lifted as if to inquire or ask a question. Jasper smiled and tapped the picture, then gestured around at the jungle. Leah was watching our interactions and came to assist. Jasper asked her to tell Jacob that he was looking for the elusive Sobralia Orchid and that he hoped he would be able to find one before we left the Amazon. She easily translated this to our young guide and he nodded his understanding.

He walked with Jasper and me for a few miles as Paul forged ahead, then when Paul could no longer find the trail, Jacob resumed the leadership of our group. We did not stop for a noon meal but forged ahead. Jacob wanted to get across the river before dark and I heartily agreed that we should do just that.

Before the sun had moved much further across the sky, I heard the unmistakable sound of the river ahead. I could see that my Jasper was visibly shaken and clearly fearful of the river crossing but I could do nothing to calm his fears when I myself was rather un-nerved. We came out of the jungle and into a clearing of sorts. We were rather high up and directly in front of us, crossing the wide, Orinoco River, was a large, suspension bridge. It looked dreadfully frightening with the heavy mists rising from the river below, surrounding it as it shifted slightly in the breeze.

"Holy Mary Mother of God!" Jasper gasped, crossing himself.

I could find no words to say. It was just that terrifying to behold. Jacob turned back to Leah and called her name. She went to him, rather reluctantly, then he took her hand and together, they stepped out onto the softly swaying bridge. He took her across the wide river one step at a time and then when she was safety on the other side; he returned and reached for Jasper.

My love was planted firmly on the ground and shook his head at Jacob. He was trembling and unable to move. I set my pack down and placed my hands on either side of Jasper's face, not caring what Paul might think. I pressed my forehead against Jasper's just as I'd seen Leah do to Jacob.

"My love, we must cross. You saw that it's safe. Jacob won't let anything happen to you. You must do it for me, for us. Hold to him and keep your eyes on the far bank. Don't look down. Come, now; you must do this," I encouraged.

Jasper swallowed hard and then glanced up at me. I stepped back from him as he shouldered his pack and reached out for Jacob's hand. It was obvious that Jasper was petrified. I so wanted to be the one leading him across but I knew we must only go two at a time. I was dreadfully worried about Jacob and Paul leading the heavy mules across but there was nothing for it. I watched as Jasper followed after Jacob. My love's whole body trembled and he clutched at Jacob's hand and the rope railings on either side of him as he was lead through the rising mists and to the other shore.

I didn't notice that I'd been holding my breath until I saw Jasper step onto the ground on the other side. He dropped to his knees and lowered his head. I could barely see him there, on that far shore, but I watched as Jacob knelt down beside him and seemed to be trying to give comfort. Leah came to him as well and got him up on his feet. They stood together as Jacob made the journey back across the bridge to fetch me.

I hadn't realized how frightened I was for myself until the gravity of the situation descended upon me. I reached for Jacob's hand with no hesitation, not wishing to seem fearfull as Jasper had obviously been. I relished the feel of that strong hand around mine, pulling on me, leading me. He was warm, so warm. I refused to look down and instead, looked up at him as he moved across the bridge in front of me. I could feel the cool mists as they surrounded us, hear the water flowing beneath us in strong rapids, taste the dampness in the air, and feel the breeze that moved the bridge beneath us. It was a strange, surreal moment and I knew that I would remember it for the rest of my life.

When my feet touched ground again, I could easily understand why Jasper had dropped to the earth. I was tempted to do much the same but instead, I went directly to my love who was sitting on a fallen tree, his face still pale and his mouth in a tight line.

"You did it, Jasper! I'm so proud of you for overcoming your fears!" I said, smiling down at him.

"I feel as if I'm going to be sick! Poor Jacob, having to go back and forth over that damn thing! How can he do it? Does he fear nothing?" Jasper cried.

"He doesn't think about fear. He does what he knows he must do. He has no choice," Leah answered as she stepped away from us and toward the end of the bridge. She was clearly nervous and I knew why.

Jacob had reached the other side and he was sending Paul over with the first mule, the smaller one. Jacob would come behind with the larger animal. Paul stepped forward onto the bridge and had a bit of a struggle with the animal as it didn't want to go. Jacob came up to help him and it appeared that they were placing something around the animal's head. I turned to Leah to ask her what was happening but she answered before I could ask.

"They have to cover the mule's eyes. The animals won't go across the bridge unless they can't see the water. Paul must have forgotten."

I was on pins and needles as I watched big, strong Paul dragging his little mule across the bridge as it swayed and lurched, the ropes groaning under the added weight and the old boards creaking beneath them. We all held our breaths as he made his way slowly across. When he finally stepped off the bridge, dragging the mule with him, he was as relieved as all of us and we could once again breathe but only for a moment.

Jacob had started to make his crossing with the larger of the animals. Though he'd covered its head, the animal was still reluctant to follow him and tried to jerk away. He had to stop and gentle it with his hands on its neck before the beast would quiet and allow itself to be led. I let out a ragged breath and grasped Jasper's hand. It was sweaty and felt clammy to me. When I looked up at him, his eyes were trained on Jacob and his expression one of deep concern and fear. Leah and Paul looked much the same.

It was dreadful to watch him making that final crossing and I cursed myself for bringing so much baggage with us. What if the ropes broke? What if they couldn't hold up under all that weight and the boards snapped? Jacob would fall into the rapids below. I shook my head to dispel that visual and gripped Jasper's hand tighter. Leah took a few fearful steps toward the bridge and gasped in fright.

I jerked my head up to see what had upset her. The damned mule was fighting Jacob again. The beast was struggling and trying to throw off the cloth Jacob had tied around its head. He was giving it all his worth to keep the animal from throwing them both off the bridge.

"Jacob!" Leah screamed and Paul moved forward, pulling her back least she run onto the bridge and add more weight to the straining structure.

I could hear the ropes groaning and the unmistakable snapping of some of the boards as Jacob fought with the stubborn animal. I began to pray silently, to whatever God would listen to me, to please let them make it across. Paul looked toward Jasper and me and then back at Jacob.

"Edward," he called and motioned to me. "You are the lighter of the two of us. You must go and try to help him. If you don't, that mule will continue to fight and he'll be thrown into the river."

I stared at Paul in utter shock. He could speak fluent English. I knew the look on my face betrayed my stupefaction but there was no time to say further or to ask any questions. I had to go and help Jacob. I didn't hesitate for a moment. As I reached for the ropes on the bridge, Jasper's hand closed over my shoulder.

"Don't!" he hissed between clenched teeth, his face set, his eyes raging with unchecked anger. "Don't you dare go out on that damn thing!" he shouted.

"Jasper, I must, he'll be killed…" I began.

Paul reached for Jasper, pulling him back and Leah put her hand on his arm and tried to comfort him. I turned my back on the three of them and let out a shaking breath as I tried to steady my legs and my nerves. I stepped out onto the heavily swaying bridge and tried to keep my balance as it moved beneath me. Step by step I forced myself to move toward him as he continued to struggle with the animal. I continued to pray silently and tried to keep my breathing level and steady.

I felt the boards and ropes creaking beneath me. I knew there was too much weight on the bridge but I refused to give in to that rational fear. I reached him and took hold of the rope, lending my strength to his. When he saw that I held the rope as well, he released it and placed both his hands on the animals head, speaking soft words in his language to it. After a moment, it stilled and I began to pull softly on the rope, leading it across as Jacob continued to pet it and talk quietly to it.

Across the bridge we went together, step by agonizing step. When at last I felt the ground again, I tossed the rope to Paul and sank down at Jasper's feet, exhausted and riddled with adrenaline. I fought the waves of nausea that threatened to take me and looked up at Jacob. He knelt beside me on the ground and reached out, taking my face in both hands. He pressed his forehead against mine and said something to me that I couldn't understand.

"He is thanking you for helping him. He says he is forever grateful to you and he will return the favor," Leah said.

I couldn't look up. I reached out and grasped his wrists as if I could hold him there, keep him there. I really just needed to know that he was safe.

When he pulled away from me, I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder and he helped me stand. I turned to face Paul. "Why didn't you speak before now?" I asked.

"I had no reason to," he answered rather curtly and taking the lead of his mules, moved toward the path and made to follow Jacob.

"Leah, how is it that no one thought to tell us that Paul can speak our language?" Jasper asked.

"He went to the monastery school with me. I thought you and Edward knew. I'm sorry," she answered as she gathered her pack and followed after Jacob and Paul.

Jasper and I made up the rear. I felt sick and wondered how Jacob could have the strength to move much farther after such a struggle. He didn't take us too far actually. We traveled for only another hour or so and he found a spot near a natural spring where we could make camp.

He cast himself down on some soft moss and closed his eyes. I stood nearby watching him for a moment, then went to assist Jasper in setting up our tent and arranging it as we desired. When we reemerged, Paul had put up the other tent and Leah was kneeling over a small fire.

I wanted to lie down and give myself over to the rash of emotions I felt but I knew that if I did, it would only upset Jasper. He'd been so quiet since the near disaster at the bridge. I could only hope we wouldn't meet with any more close misses before the journey was ended.

Leah called us to eat and I forced myself to go and sit beside the fire as she passed out corncakes and a broth made with what looked like potatoes and pork. It was delicious and despite the nausea I'd felt earlier, I had two bowls of it.

I could not look at Paul as I ate. I was certain that he knew about me and Jasper. How could he not? He'd been awake the night before when we'd engaged in our dalliances in the tent. I could only hope that he wouldn't hold it against either of us. I couldn't look at Jacob either. He'd been avoiding eye contact with me since we made camp and I felt that was best. Perhaps nothing further would occur between us.

As darkness fell, Leah played her flute, Paul began to poke listlessly at the fire and Jacob sat cross legged, whittling on a small piece of wood with his sharp knife. I glanced at him from time to time, wondering what he was making. Jasper sat next to me and sketched. I wanted to retire to our tent and take him with me but he seemed inclined to stay with the company.

A rustling in the jungle near our camp brought everyone to attention. Jacob slipped his knife into his mouth; the blade gripped in his teeth and reached out for his machete that lay on the ground near him. Paul rose without a sound and took a stance in front of Leah, his spear in his hand. I watched breathless as Jacob rose, turned toward the sound and stepped silently into the jungle.

Jasper reached for my arm and clutched it tightly. Neither of us moved a muscle as we waited. I heard a sudden, loud rustling sound, then the unmistakable whistle of the machete slicing through the air. What followed was a sickening cry and a choking gurgle.

"Stay with Leah!" Paul cried as he ran past us and into the jungle after Jacob.

The three of us stood silent and watchful as we waited for what seemed an eternity. Paul came back and fetched one of the mules but said nothing. Leah breathed a sigh of relief.

"They've killed a wild boar. We've been lucky. That will feed us for quite some time. The God's have obviously been smiling upon us thus far to bring us safety across the bridge and deliver the animal into our hands."

I watched her cross herself and then bow and draw some symbols in the ashes near the fire. I was reminded of the priest telling us how the natives combined elements of Western religion with their own beliefs. I found it comforting and perhaps she was right. Maybe my prayers hadn't gone unanswered.

Jasper and I sat watching as Paul and Leah skinned and dressed the boar. Jacob had gone back to whittling and seemed to be ignoring the spectacle of blood and gore before him. Jasper was slightly sickened by it and that was a surprise to me, him being from Texas. No matter, however, he was tired and excused himself to go lie down. I made to join him and noticed he'd left his sketch book. When I reached down to retrieve it, Jacob grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

He took the book and set his whittling aside to thumb through the pages again. He stopped at the colored pencil drawing of a black Sobralia. He shook his head no as if to convey that such a thing wasn't possible or perhaps I'd misread his meaning. I watched as he tilted his head to one side then he moved his fingers over the picture, murmuring to himself in his language. He glanced over at Leah and Paul who had their backs to us, then put his hand on the back of my neck and tilted my head up to face him.

His black eyes were hard on mine and I could reach the message he was sending. He tilted his head to one side as if to invite me into the jungle with him and I looked over at Paul and Leah and then back at him, shaking my head no. He understood, of course but was rather insistent and stood, reaching for my hand. I rose and allowed him to lead me over to the little spring that was hidden behind mine and Jasper's tent. Jacob knelt down beside it and reached out to caress my cheek as I joined him.

I allowed him to give me those soft caresses but only for a moment. My heart was heavy as I reached up and took his hand in mine, stilling his movements. I shook my head no at him once more and then said Jasper's name. I placed my own hand over my heart and spoke Jasper's name once more, emphasizing the word as I pressed against my chest. I nodded to him, hoping he would understand what I was trying to tell him.

His fair face showed his confusion as he looked up at me. He shook his head no and frowned, reaching for my hand. He pulled it to his chest and placed it against his wildly beating heart. "Edward," he whispered.

I felt my traitorous heart thump soundly against my chest and the hard lump formed in my throat. I must break his fragile young heart, his trusting heart. I shook my head no once more and pulled my hand away from him, putting it back on my heart I spoke Jasper's name one final time.

Jacob's face contorted with grief and he stood up over me glowering, his fists clenched. I firmly expected to be struck but he didn't hit me. I got to my feet and he took a step back. I could see the tears in his eyes as he backed slowly away from me. He said my name once more in a kind of half sobbing way and then turned and ran off into the jungle.

"Jacob!" I cried as he disappeared into the darkness.

Leah and Paul, hearing my cry, came running and stood on either side of me. "What's happened?" she asked.

"Jacob ran off into the jungle!" I cried.

"What have you done? Why did he run?" Leah asked.

"I…I don't know," I stammered.

"I'll find him," Paul said, taking a torch and running off in the direction Jacob had disappeared.

I slunk back to the fire defeated. Leah followed and sat down beside me. "You'd best tell me exactly what happened," she said, her voice straining to be civil.

"Leah, I think I gave him the wrong impression. He's… I think he…" I couldn't make myself say the words.

She stood up and slapped me hard across the face. "What have you done?" she cried. "He was innocent! He has to be so! Have you ruined him?" she screamed.

"No, I swear I haven't! I didn't ruin him, Leah," I tried to assure her.

Jasper, hearing the commotion, came out of our tent rubbing his eyes. "What's happening, Edward?" he asked.

"And you!" Leah shouted, pointing at Jasper. "Both of you fine gentlemen with your worldly ways! I know what you do with each other after dark. Paul told me. He heard your unclean words to each other! Did you try to seduce my little brother with your wicked ways?" she cried.

"Leah, Edward did not lay with him. You have nothing to fear. Jacob is just confused right now with all that he is feeling. Perhaps Paul could talk with him and help him understand that he's just experiencing things that are normal for a young man to feel. His body is just waking up and maybe if your father had explained to him…"

Leah cut Jasper off. "He must be pure! Don't you understand that?" she cried.

"Leah, you and I both know that is just superstitious beliefs. It won't matter if he's been touched when he goes through that ceremony. I would imagine that others have done much more than he has and gone through it," Jasper protested.

I sat silent and pensive. I wanted to run after Jacob and try to find him, try to explain but I couldn't. I couldn't tell him what was in my heart and I had no way to make him understand.

Minutes ticked by as we waited, Leah fuming beside me and Jasper quiet and worried. Finally we heard them coming back through the jungle toward us. I could easily hear them arguing in their language. Paul looked angry when he came into the clearing and I stiffened, expecting trouble but he stepped past me and went into their tent. Jacob wouldn't look at me. He went to Leah and put his arms around her, his head on her shoulder.

"Go to your tent, please, for the love of God!" she said angrily.

I sighed and rose, reaching for Jasper's hand. He followed me and we closed the flap behind us. "Damn, could I have botched that up any worse than I did?" I mumbled as I sat down on my cot, overcome with guilt and grief over losing him.

"You did what you had to do love," Jasper assured me, sitting down beside me and running his fingers through my hair.

I reached for him, pulling him close and pressing my lips against his. "Forgive me for my weaknesses," I whispered.

"There is nothing to forgive," he answered.

We sat together, anxiety ridden as we listened to the ardent discussion going on just outside out tent. Jacob's voice rose in anger as he spoke with his sister and her voice, calmer and more soothing, seemed to be trying to defuse him. I wanted so to go out and take him into my arms, comfort him but I knew it would be foolish.

When I heard him break, his words fall away to a soft sobbing, I rose and went to the tent flap, lifting it slowly and peering out. He stood with his head in his hands and Leah was holding him as he cried softly. Paul was thankfully nowhere to be seen. I let the flap fall back and threw myself down on my cot, giving over to the wretched emotions that had been threatening to take me all that long, dreadful day.

Jasper was beside me, his arms around me but I could find no solace there. There would be no easing of my pain. How could I be comforted when all I could hear was the sound of Jacob's breaking heart and all I could feel was the echo of it in my own chest?


	11. Chapter 11

Wild Orchid

Chapter Eleven

I had never before been in such misery. It had been a nightmare of a day and the ugliness of it had not ceased with the coming of darkness. Jasper tried to ease my suffering but his touch only made me feel more wretched. I was undeserving of him and his patient understanding. Though all was silent outside the tent, I worried that our native companions were plotting against us because of my dreadful mistake and I could find no rest though I was past the point of exhaustion.

Jacob had eventually settled down with Leah's soft influence and had gone with her into the tent. I was desperate for a chance to make things right but felt I had no recourse. Jasper put on a Billie Holiday vinyl for me and the soft blues of her voice would normally have eased my nerves but not tonight. He was lying on his cot, attempting to sketch and I sat smoking in the dim light of the hurricane lamp.

Hours after Jasper had eased off to sleep; I lay awake, listening to the sounds of the jungle. Was that damn idol to blame for the disparaging situation we all were in? Had it worked some kind of dark magic on me to make me attempt to seduce the boy as a means of harming both him and me? At that point, I would not have dismissed any possibility. Jacob's tribe believed that the removal of the idol has brought misery upon them and I knew it had done so for my family. Perhaps the curse was still at work.

When morning came again, I was bleary-eyed and numb with regret and despair. I put on a brave face for Jasper and we quickly packed up our tent and went out to face our judgmental companions. Leah was in her usual spot before the fire dishing up our breakfast. Paul was busy with the mules and Jacob sat near his sister. He didn't raise his eyes or greet me in any way. I could hardly blame him.

We all looked quite tired and I had no doubt that the lot of us hadn't had a decent night's rest. No matter, we had but one choice before us, to continue on and so we did. Jacob, leading us as always, was obviously still angry with me. His movements with the machete that morning were exaggerated and wasteful of energy. His face was set in a heavy scowl. I tried to remind myself that breaking his heart, as I'd done the previous evening, was better for us all in the long run but I felt I'd damaged him in a way that was irreversible.

The overall mood of the company was toxic. Instead of easing, Jacob's anger seemed to be growing with each passing hour. He refused water when Leah offered it and continued on, pressing his endurance well past the limits of safety. I felt the anxiety spiking in my body and could almost taste it, a nasty metallic sensation, on the back of my tongue. We'd stopped for a moment so Paul could adjust the packs on the mules when it happened.

I was watching Paul and my back was to Jacob. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and heard Leah cry out. When I turned, I beheld my love pinned against a large tree, Jacob's strong hands straining against Jasper's shoulders, holding him there. Jasper's eyes were wide with terror; he gasped for breath and called out to me. Jacob's face was set in a scowl, his teeth clenched and his breathing hard, erratic. He looked every bit the dangerous and wild man that my grandfather had described some of the natives he'd met in his travels to be.

"Jacob!" Leah cried, trying to pull him off Jasper but with no success. He was simply too strong. Paul came from behind, wrapping his arms around Jacob's chest and pulling him away. Jacob fought; struggling against Paul then shoved his way free and stomped off into the jungle. Leah ran after him and Paul stayed with us.

"Are you harmed?" he asked Jasper.

My love was clutching his throat and struggling to get back his air. "No, I'm all right, I'm not hurt," he said, his voice strained and shaking.

"My God, Jasper!" I cried, clutching him to me and holding him with my hand on the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry," I whispered against the top of his head.

"It's not your fault," he answered, his words muffled against my chest.

Paul fetched his canteen and offered it to Jasper who gladly accepted it. "They aren't far. I can hear them talking just beyond those rocks. Stay here with the mules and I will go and see if he has calmed down. He will not listen to me but he will listen to her," Paul assured us.

Jasper leaned back against the rocks looking pale and haggard. I waited until Paul was out of sight and then grabbed him again, holding him tightly against me and feeling the rapid beating of his heart, the heat of his skin, the dampness of sweat through his cotton shirt. He pushed at me and shook his head no. I knew he was worried that Jacob would return and find us that way. I had the sense to realize that it would only serve to raise his wrath further. Justified though it may have been, he'd taken his anger out on the wrong man.

Paul returned in due course and he was followed shortly by Leah . She retrieved her pack and motioned for us to come with her. We took our places and followed behind. I could see Jacob ahead, blazing the trail, his angry motions somewhat more subdued than before. I kept my head down and Jasper did much the same. After going on in that tense, silent manner, the air around us pregnant with the possibility of more unchecked hostility, Jacob finally tired and called to Leah. We would stop for a bit.

"She removed her pack and began to rummage for fruit and bits of dried meat. Jacob came to sit on the ground near his sister but as always, refused to meet my eyes. I knew I would have to try and make this better but had no idea how to do so. As fate would have it, Paul would present the solution.

I stepped away for a moment to relieve myself. As I was tucking my shirt back into my breeches, I saw him approaching me and understood that he wished to talk. "Edward, you will have to try and speak to the boy. Help him to understand. He is still, in many ways, a child in his thinking. He is angry and hurt and he resents Jasper because he thinks that you chose Jasper over him. If you tell him that you and Jasper were already together and that what you did with him was a betrayal of that, then perhaps he will not be so angry with your friend. With you, however, I think there will be no forgiveness."

I sighed and scratched the back of my head. "It's no more than I deserve," I admitted. "But how will I speak to him?"

"I will go with you and translate if you wish. No, perhaps it should be Leah. Yes, Leah will have to do it. He doesn't trust me," Paul replied.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because he knows that I am in love with Leah and he knows also, that she is already given to another."

I watched Paul as he walked away and wondered how I would be able to do this thing that he suggested. When I rejoined the company, Jasper had shouldered his pack and Paul was giving the mules some food and water. Leah stood a little way away from the group. Jacob was with her. When she saw me, she left him and came to me.

"Paul told me that you wish to communicate directly with Jacob. He has asked me to translate for you. Mind what you plan to say to him, Edward. He is very angry with you right now and very hurt. I am angry with you too," she said, her pretty face marred with that anger.

"Can we go a bit into the jungle where we can have some privacy?" I asked.

"Come, follow me," she answered.

I nodded to Jasper to stay where he was and assured him I would be right back. He watched without saying a word as I followed Leah. She called to Jacob and gestured for him to join us. At first he resisted but she was persistent and at last, he stood, and stomped into the jungle ahead of us with Leah and me bringing up the rear. When we reached a spot just ahead where two very large boulders stood on either side of the path, so close that I could stretch out my arms and touch then on either side, he stopped and turned, making me the object of his wrath, his fuming expression, his dark head down, his eyes boring into me.

Leah gestured to me with a nod and I dropped my eyes to the ground at my feet and began to speak. "Jacob, I never meant to harm you. I didn't understand that you were so innocent of it all. I suspected it but I suppose that I refused to accept it. You are a thing of rapt and exotic beauty to me and I was unable to resist your gentle persuasion. I wanted to hold and touch you, to know you and to have you know me but it was a selfish need on my part.

"Jasper has been my lover for several years now and he holds my heart. It was wrong of me to lead you on so and to attempt to seduce you. I am completely to blame in this and I… I must beg you to not take your aggression out on him. He is not at fault, I am. I am forced to choose and it is killing me!" I gasped, finding that I had lost my voice and was temporarily unable to continue. She spoke on a moment longer, conveying my words to him but I refused to look up least he see the tears standing in my eyes. It was bad enough that he could hear them in my voice.

"Jacob, I do care for you very deeply, too deeply. I am ashamed to admit that I wanted to keep you for myself. I loved every minute that we spent together and I am not sorry for the knowing of you, only that the manner in which I chose to convey my desire was utterly wrong and that wrong had been visited upon both you and Jasper, neither of whom is deserving of it. I cannot ask you to forgive me, for what I have done to you is beyond forgiveness, just know that I… that I…" I stammered off, unable to continue.

"Oh, God, I cannot…" I cried out, clutching my face in my hands.

I felt Leah's hand on my shoulder and looked up at her as I brushed the tears away from my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Go on, Edward; say to him what is in your heart. It will make things better for him to hear it," she encouraged.

"I love you, Jacob and I can't hurt you anymore. I want you both and that is wrong. I will leave this place and you must remain when this is done. We will both be hurt if we don't stop it now. I saw in you something that reminded me of myself when I was younger. I'm so very sorry. Just know that I do love you."

I could say nothing more. My breaths were ragged and uneven. I could not see the ground beneath me for the tears that refused to leave my eyes. They ran in rivulets down my face and it felt like a kind of catharsis to me to shed them even though it made me look the fool to this strong native boy. Had he not broken into sobs the night before over this very outpouring of emotion?

"Come, Edward," Leah said and I allowed her to lead me back to the others, attempting to calm myself as we neared them.

I could not look at Jacob or Leah and I certainly could not look at Jasper. We resumed out trek and I walked along in silence, not enjoying the beautiful scenery, taking no pleasure in the fact that it was reasonably cool under the lush canopy. I was a man in misery and nothing could ease my pain.

At last we stopped to make camp and I moved through the motions like a ghost. Jasper tried to comfort me with his soft words and gentle touches but I refused to allow myself to let him ease me. I was deserving of the pain. I had earned every stab of it. We had set up our tent and were arranging the cots and trunks when the flap lifted and Leah stepped inside followed by Jacob.

"Jasper, Jacob has something he wishes to say to you," she said.

I watched as Jacob moved past me without giving me a glance and knelt in front of Jasper who sat on his cot with his sketch book in his hands. Jacob reached out for Jasper's hand and placed his over it, making Jasper's hand look fearfully small. He looked up at Jasper and began to speak in that rich, rolling voice that was not quite a man's and no longer a child's.

"He says that he has wronged you and for the wrong reasons. His actions were not those of a man of his standing and he regrets them. He let his anger get the best of him and it was beneath him to behave in such a manner. He hopes that you will forgive him and that you will hold no ill will toward him for treating you as he did," Leah translated.

"Tell him that all is forgiven," Jasper said, looking back at Jacob and meeting the boy's eyes.

Jacob nodded solemnly and then stood to go. I watched him, desperately hoping that he would at least give me a look to ease my suffering but I was not graced with even so much as a glance. He stepped past me as if I wasn't there and exited the tent with Leah following him. Well at least my aim had been achieved. He would no longer wish to harm my Jasper and that was the thing that mattered most.

The evening meal was a return to some semblance of normalcy. Leah played her flute as usual, Paul sat staring at the embers of the fire and Jacob whittled, albeit with his back to us. I was restless and could find no solace in the company. I turned to Leah when she laid her flute aside.

"Do I hear water nearby?" I asked her.

"Yes, there is a stream just ahead with a small pool. It has a little falls above it and I imagine that is what you are hearing."

"Is it safe for me to go there? I would like to freshen up a bit," I said.

"I would think so, wouldn't you, Paul?" she asked.

Stirred out of his reverie, Paul sat up and blinked. "Yes, I would imagine so. Take a torch with you, though. You will be within earshot so that you can call for help if you need it."

I stood and took up a torch, then looked down at Jasper. "Will you join me?" I asked.

"No, I'm tired, Edward. You go on ahead. I'll wash up in the morning," he said.

I sighed in defeat and headed off in the direction of the sound of water. I found it without any difficulty. A pretty, little place it was; just a small waterfall that ran down into a round pool, the water flowing out from there to continue its journey to the Orinoco and on to the Amazon.

I laid the torch aside and stepped out of my boots, sliding my suspenders down from my shoulders. When I was naked in the warm evening air, I slipped into the cool water and sank down into it, letting it wash away the dirt and sweat. I wished vainly, that it was a baptismal font and that I should be washed clean of my sins and my grief as well but there would be no forgiveness. The one I wanted absolution from would not give it.

I waded out into the deep water and over to the other side of the pool, bracing my arms up on a rock ledge to look out into the darkness of the jungle on the far side. Fireflies danced about in the inky depths and I could hear the sounds of the night birds calling to one another. It would have been peaceful if not for the acid that churned in my gut and the feeling of despair that hung over me like a dark cloud robbing me of my enjoyment of life and of this place.

My thoughts were interrupted rather abruptly when a scream froze in my throat and I was jerked beneath the water by my right ankle. I struggled in terror, attempting to discover which way was up and which down. My body naturally righted itself and my head lifted above the water. I stood streaming wet and swiftly swiping the water out of my eyes. My mouth gaped open and my heart was pounding in a fierce rhythm. Then I saw my attacker standing not a foot away from me; Jacob, his face completely impassive.

I gasped in shock and my immediate reaction was to send a wave of water splashing at him. I was instantly shocked that I'd done so, expecting him to lunge at me and attempt to drown me again if that had been his original intention. To my complete surprise, he laughed and stepped closer to me. I stood immovable as he approached; the moonlight bouncing off the surface of the water, shimmered on his wet skin and reflected in his dark eyes.

He reached out and took my chin in his big hand, bringing us close together and then brushed my lips with his. I could neither breathe nor move. My heart would have stopped as would have time, if I'd been its keeper. I waited to see what he would do next and he smiled and wrapped me in his strong arms, whispering my name against my ear.

I melted as a wave of almost violent relief washed over me and made me feel lightheaded. He had forgiven me. He had come to find me and it would be alright. I felt my hands on him, in his hair, touching his face; heard my voice speaking his name as though it was a benediction. I pressed my body wantonly against him and allowed him to hold me close.

He pushed me back against the rocks and ground against me, rubbing his hardness against mine beneath the water. I gasped and he caught that gasp with his mouth, breathing into me and taking my breath in return. He was all over me, all around me. I wanted it, I wanted him. God but I wanted him! I knew it was hopeless to pretend anymore. I had to have him! I couldn't live without it, the having of him.

I watched as he tilted his beautiful head back and bit his lip to silence his cries of pleasure as he came against me beneath the water. I followed after him, giving him what he'd come to take, my surrender, my love. His forehead was touching mine, his hand on the back of my neck, holding me to him. I placed my hand on his heart and spoke his name. He did the same to me. It was done, it was finished. There could be no turning back but I would not give up my Jasper either. I took his hand in mine and looked up at him. I put my other hand over my heart and spoke both their names. He nodded his understanding.

I followed him back to the campsite and he pushed playfully at me, nearly knocking me over into Jasper who was still sitting on the ground with his sketch book. He looked up and took the pencil out of his mouth. His eyes widened and then he smiled at me when he saw the look on my face and understood that all had been forgiven between Jacob and me.

I would sleep well that night. I knew it when I lay down, Jasper's head resting on my chest. There was no point in continuing the ruse any longer. Leah and Paul knew about us. I no longer cared if it offended them. Jasper didn't ask me to tell him what happened at the little pool. I didn't offer to. It didn't matter and he knew it. I understood that I could love them both, more than one person at a time. I did love them both and for very different reasons. What would happen at the end of our journey? Only time could tell and I would cross that bridge when I reached it. I had this little space in time, this little place in memory and I would hold to it for as long as I was able.


	12. Chapter 12

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twelve

Morning came again, as it does in the Amazon; wet, moist and sweltering. Jasper woke me with a coughing spell and I crossed the tent to him, concerned that he might have picked up some ailment.

"I'm fine, love," he assured me as he pushed away my hovering hands and sat up. "I've had this dratted cough since before we left London."

I watched him as he moved, stiffly about, in the tent. I couldn't help but feel that I was responsible for him, for his health and well-being. We made our way out to the others and joined them for breakfast. I didn't look at Jacob. I knew that if I did, it would lead to more and it was too early to start thinking about that.

"Jacob thinks that by this evening, we should be able to spot the top of the pyramid through the trees. He doesn't want to spend the night camped at its base. There are too many spirits that protect it and we might fall under attack. We will travel at a more leisurely pace today and stop sooner. Tomorrow we will reach our destination," Leah announced.

"Good, I'm getting weary of this jungle," Jasper mumbled.

"It will all be over soon, my love," I assured him, rubbing small circles over his shoulders.

Jasper looked strained and tired. I knew it was most likely my fault. Paul called to me to help him tear down the tents and load the mules. I left Jasper sitting beside the fire and went to do as he asked. It took us little time to be ready to move again. We had all become experts at setting up and tearing down our camp sites.

It was soon blatantly obvious that the path was more overgrown as we journeyed on. Jacob had to stop from time to time and re-orientate himself to the direction he wanted to go. At times, he couldn't find the path at all and we had no choice but to trust to his instinct.

When we stopped for lunch, Jasper and I sat together, leaning against a large rock and sipping a bottle of Scotch. I wanted the strong bite of it to keep me going and I knew Jasper would appreciate it as well. He leaned his head back against the stone and closed his eyes. I watched the sunlight filtering down through the trees as it played over his pale skin in flickering patches.

"Beautiful," I breathed against his ear.

"Who, Edward? Me or Jacob," he asked, grinning up at me.

"Both of you, you devil!" I said, punching him in the arm.

We were all of us startled to our feet when we heard Jacob cry out. Leah and Paul ran ahead of us and Jasper and I followed behind. My heart was in my throat as I imagined all the possible scenarios that would have made the boy yell like that. As it was, none of them were spot on.

"Jasper!" he called and as we neared him, we all looked up in the direction he was pointing.

There above us, growing out of a crack in the cliff wall, was the most exotic flower I'd ever seen. It was the one my Jasper had been searching for, the elusive and legendary Sobralia Orchid and not only that, it was black.

"My God!" Jasper breathed as he moved closer.

Jacob was smiling broadly and gesturing up to the flower. Leah put her hand on his shoulder and shook her head no at him, her face set and determined. He ignored her and tossed his machete down, reaching for the rock face.

"Paul!" Leah gasped and Paul tried to catch Jacob as the boy clambered up but he was too quick and was out of reach before Paul could lay hand on him.

I stood, clutching Jasper's hand, absolutely terrified. "Leah, tell him to come down! It's not worth getting hurt over…" Jasper trailed off into silence.

Jacob was sure footed and easily found the holds he needed to ascend the cliff face. The flower was growing nearly 20 feet above us and how Jacob managed to spot it, I would never know. He had reached it and carefully lifted it from the crack in the rock face, drawing it out and placing the delicate stem in his teeth as he began the precarious descent.

I had not realized that my breath was frozen in my chest until his feet touched the earth. I gasped for air and nearly fainted. Jacob brought the precious flower to Jasper and held it out in his hand for Jasper to take.

"Noir Sobralia," he said as Jasper took it from him.

"Tell him thank you," Jasper said breathlessly. "Tell him thank you so much!"

"What does that mean, Noir Sobralia?" I asked.

"It means the black orchid," Paul answered.

Jasper tucked the flower between the pages of his journal and held the book against his chest like it was a precious treasure. His face beamed and he looked more content than I'd ever seen him.

"Come, my love; we must go a bit further," I said as he took his arm and lead him through the jungle following our guide. I glanced up at Jacob and he was looking back at me. He gave me a quick smile which I returned.

It was a moment in time when all was right, all was perfect. We were alive and we were well fed. We were safe and happy and warm. In the morning, we would be standing in front of the pyramid and we could return the damned idol and begin our homeward trek.

Jacob had been correct in his assumptions. As the sun began to set that evening, we saw it; the utter top-most section of the pyramid, peeking out above the jungle canopy. We stopped for the night and set up camp. Paul and Leah walked back to a small stream we'd crossed to fetch water. Jasper went into the tent to play the Victrola and study his new treasure, laying the flower out on the cot and examining it from every possible angle as he sketched and wrote.

I sat down next to Jacob as he whittled beside the fire. I gestured to the object in his hands but he grinned, turning a little away from me and wouldn't let me see it. I tried to force his arm down so I could get a glimpse but he was too impossibly strong. When I made bolder and tried to tickle him in an effort to distract him, I found myself outmanned and forced down onto my back on the ground with a very heavy, sultry looking native boy pinning me down.

We wrestled about, him trying to keep me pinned and me trying ineffectively to get out from beneath him. Jasper lifted the tent flap and noticed us rolling about.

"Good heavens, Edward!" he gasped. "Paul and Leah will be back in a moment!"

"I'm not trying to seduce him! I wanted to see what he was carving… damn it…" I struggled to breathe as he ground his body against mine, keeping me pinned in place.

"Don't just stand there, man! Lend a hand!" I cried.

Jasper laughed and stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, my love, it would seem that you are in quite a predicament!" he grinned.

"Damn you, Jasper! Help me!"

He laughed again and came forward, tugging at Jacob and attempting to pull him off. Together, Jasper and I managed to free me from beneath him and Jacob sat back on the ground laughing and swiping at the dirt on his hands.

I struggled up, kneeling beside him and made one more play for the small piece of wood in his hand. When I did so, he frowned and tucked it behind him.

"Edward, perhaps you aren't meant to see it," Jasper said.

"Yes, my love, I suppose you are correct," I conceded and reached for a stick with which to poke at the fire. If I didn't watch myself, I'd end up like Paul.

Speaking of, he and Leah made their appearance, walking toward us through the trees. She carried the clay pot of water on her head, balancing it with one hand. Paul followed behind with the mules.

The sun had not yet set and we'd taken an early meal. Leah had told us over supper that we would be starting at soon as it was light enough for Jacob to see. He didn't want to be anywhere near the pyramid when night fell. I tended to agree. If he believed the place was crawling with spirits then I didn't want anything to do with it in the darkness.

Paul stretched out on the ground, his hands behind his head and Leah took out her weaving. Jacob sat on one side of me, my Jasper on the other. Jasper startled me with a light touch on my sleeve.

"Let's go inside and listen to some music. You can bring Jacob if you like," he offered.

I stood and made to follow him, reaching my hand down to Jacob. He looked over at Leah and she gave him a severe expression. He ignored it and grinned back at her in defiance. He took my proffered hand and allowed me to help him up, though it nearly took me off balance.

Jasper put the Allegri Miserere on once again for Jacob and set the paper lantern to spinning, just as it had been on that first night in the village. Jacob laughed out loud and dropped onto the tiger skin rug to watch and listen. I took the Scotch and lay down on my cot. Jasper rummaged through his trunk for a bit, then sat down, cross legged in front of Jacob.

Jasper had in his hand, a little, wooden disk with a bird painted on one side and a cage painted on the other side. Two strings were threaded through each side of the disk. Jasper wound the strings tightly and held the disk up for Jacob to see. When my love pulled on the strings, it appeared for a moment, that the bird was in the cage as the disk unwound itself. It was a kind of street magic that the vendors in London used to trick children.

Jacob's eyes went wide in his handsome face and he reached for the toy. Jasper showed him how to make it work and then sat back watching as Jacob did the trick for himself. He laughed out loud at the optical illusion, twisting the strings and making the trick over and over. Jasper leaned back, lighting a cigarette and smiling over Jacob's shoulder at me.

"We could take him back to London with us, my love. Imagine how intrigued he would be with it all. We could take him to Winchester Cathedral on Easter Vigil and let him hear the Allegri being sung in a proper place. Oh, Edward, do you think they would let us take him?"

"No, Jasper, they would not. They would likely kill us if they even thought we meant to take him. He can't go with us when we leave." I hated to speak those words. I wanted that same thing that jasper had just suggested. It could not be and we both knew it.

Jacob slept in our tent that night. Leah came to check on him but she found him slumbering on the tiger skin rug. I'd covered him with a light quilt and he was dead to the world. She gave me a look that could have curdled milk and I nodded as if in understanding. When she left, I looked over at Jasper and found him grinning at me with a knowing look.

"I'm not going to touch him!" I protested.

"Well, we will see, my love, when he wakes in the night and is hard and willing. We will see if you can keep your English hands off his native body!" Jasper teased.

I tossed a pillow at him and nearly knocked over the hurricane lamp. Jasper threw the pillow back at me and reached up, cupping his hand behind the glass chimney of the lamp. He blew it out and darkness descended over the tent.

Hours later, I was awakened to the feeling of a warm body curling up to me on the narrow cot. I felt Jacob's hand brush over my chest as he snuggled closer, lying next to me with his head on my shoulder. I wrapped the boy in my arms and sighed against the top of his head. He was asleep again in no time and I lay awake, listening to his breathing, Jasper's soft snores and the thunderous beating of my own heart.

I had no idea, what we might be facing in the morning. The pyramid may have traps of some sort. We could be in danger from the very age of the structure; collapse and entrapment were always a possibility. Jacob shifted against me and moaned in his sleep. I ran my fingers through his long hair and tightened my grip on him. I couldn't bear the thought of him coming to harm because of me. It was bad enough that I'd drug Jasper along on this trip but to think of causing harm to Jacob or his companions; it prevented me from resting properly.

I wanted to think that the only reason I couldn't sleep was guilt over putting the others at risk but it was only a small part of it. I wanted to stay awake and hold him. I wanted to feel him next to me like that. I entertained visions of doing just what Jasper had suggested earlier; taking Jacob back to London with us and showing him our Western life.

I imagined him dressed as a young boy in London would be dressed, his dark hair cut short, a news boy hat, plus fours, white button up shirt with suspenders, running through the gardens at Cullenwood as I chased after him on a warm, summer afternoon. I pictured him lying naked in our bed, wrapped in my arms, Jasper and I loving him, the sun setting over us as we lay together, teaching him about the pleasures that men can give each other.

I saw him standing at the head of the great, sweeping stairway, walking down it to me, dressed in finery and preparing to go to a ball or some other social function. I could hear him speaking in accented English. I wanted it, that possibility but I knew even as I let those visions fade, that it could never be and that was why I didn't want to sleep.

I fought to stay awake, hold him, and touch him gently as he dreamed. I breathed in the scent of his skin, his hair, memorized the feel of his eyelashes, his soft, full lips, the broadness of his shoulders. I burned those sensations into my memory to have forever. It would soon be the only thing I had left of him; the only thing to hold in the darkness of Cullenwood with Jasper beside me, just empty recollections of this "never could be."

"Nothing is set in stone, my love and anything under the sun is possible," Jasper murmured.

"Some things are certain," I answered with regret as I pressed a kiss to the top of Jacob's head. "Some things are certain."


	13. Chapter 13

Wild Orchid

Chapter Thirteen

It was not yet dawn when I felt him shift and move away from me. He lingered beside the cot for a moment and then he was gone. I felt the absence of him like physical pain but it was best that Leah not open our tent and find him twined against me when she came to wake us. I sat up and reached for my cigarette case, taking my lighter in hand, snapping open the top and putting flame to the wick of my hurricane lamp. It gave forth a soft, sputtering light and then our tent was illuminated with the gentle glow.

Jasper stirred and opened his beautiful eyes. He stretched like a jungle cat, purring as he loosened his sore muscles for yet another taxing day of adventure.

"Good morning, my love," he said, a bright smile lighting the corners of his cupids mouth. "Did you sleep well?" he asked with a tease.

"I did sleep rather well, actually. I was warm and comfortable if somewhat restricted by the big, native boy wrapped around me like a python."

Jasper suppressed a giggle with the back of one hand and reached for the cigarette I lit and handed over to him. He sat up on the side of the cot and inhaled, glancing over at me through the smoke. "Am I to assume that he behaved himself, then?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes, damn it," I muttered as I reached for my breeches and a clean shirt from the trunk. I was feeling rather frustrated and Jasper's suggestive questions were doing nothing to ease my state of discomfort. When I turned away from him, I felt the warmth of his chest against my bare back and the press of the hardness, in the crotch of his breeches, against my buttocks.

"Unhappy about that, love?" he asked, the brush of his long lashes like butterfly wings against my shoulders, his feather-soft kisses stirring the organ between my thighs, making it ache and fill with unsated need.

"Jasper, what are you about? The others will be awake soon and you know very well there is no time…" I sighed but he silenced my protests when his hands slid down my stomach and began to caress the bulge in my knickers.

I gasped and leaned back against him, letting him hold my standing weight for a moment as I struggled for balance and grasped his arms for leverage.

"Mmm, love, I will gladly let that sensual, exotic, little cock-tease sleep in your bed and leave you unsated every night, if I can find you this wanton the next morning."

Jasper's filthy mouth moved up and over my sweat dampened and now very warm skin, drawing a line of wet kisses across my back from one shoulder blade to the other.

"You like it, lover, being this heady? Do you ache for him in your very bones? Do you want him right now, naked in your bed; a willing, young, slut of a boy for you? Can you feel it, Edward; his tightness, as you sink into him and grind away your need in his body?"

I was conscious of a sound coming out of me, somewhat akin to the growl of an animal, as I began to thrust against his hand on my groin. He was kind enough to acquiesce to me and slid my knickers down. I felt them pool around my ankles. He took my stiff cock in his hand and began to pump it slowly as he rubbed against me from behind.

"Want you, love," he whispered, his warm breath ghosting across my ear.

"Ahh, Jasper!" I cried as I tried to keep my voice low so as not to awaken Leah and Paul.

"Oh, want you Edward, need to feel myself inside you…" Jasper trailed off for a moment as he stepped back, my cock sliding from his grasp. I could not suppress a whimper as I felt him moving away but in a moment he was back and his slickened fingers penetrated me, stretching me, preparing me for him.

His new bravado was intoxicating and I could not help myself as I thrust into the empty air in a vain effort to find some friction. "Jasper, what is this side of you? You are like a maruading pirate!" I gasped.

He laughed low behind me, his voice, when it came, deeper than normal and husky with his need. "I find that I am somewhat possessive of you this morning, my sweetheart."

"Then by all means, Jasper, possess me!" I urged breathlessly.

He removed his questing fingers and took hold of my hips, turning me and then placing his hand between my shoulder blades, urging me down over my trunk at the foot of my cot. He closed one hand over my mouth to help keep me silent and the other grasped his cock as he guided himself into me. The first initial stab of pain was quickly replaced with a languid rhythm that made me grind back against him, needful of my own passions.

Silently we rutted against each other like two men of low class, each one mindful, not so much of the other but driven on with an insatiable desire for his own pleasure. It was heady and it was animalistic and it was divine.

I felt my orgasm begin to move through me, my back arched and my toes curled. I gripped the edge of the packing crate and sucked in a deep, ragged breath as best I could through my nose while Jasper pushed himself deep within me. I felt the perceptible shaking of his legs as he spent himself and nothing could hold me back from the plunge over the edge. The shock waves rolled through me, settling deep in my belly and flowing out across my groin and thighs.

He fell against me and I let the trunk hold the weight of both of us as my legs were in no shape to do it. We lay there, recovering our shared breaths as best we could. When I finally felt him stand and reach down for my hand. It was all I could do to move. I was like a boneless piece of flesh just then.

"Bloody hell, Jasper!" I breathed against his lips when he moved to kiss me.

"Indeed my love, indeed," he answered.

After breakfast, Jasper and I packed up our tent and helped Paul with the mules. He was quiet and pensive that morning and I wondered what that could mean but assumed it was because he realized the potential danger that the pyramid might hold. I wanted to ask him what he knew about it but he did not seem inclined to make small talk. Leah was quiet as well, going about the work of readying her pack and seeing that the campfire was out. Jacob on the other hand, was jovial as usual.

Nothing seemed to dampen his cheerful spirits for long. He took his usual place in the lead as we began our trek toward the pyramid. It was a damp start to the day, the rains catching us just as we started along. That served to make this last stretch of un-cleared path even more precarious as it hugged the edge of a steep drop down to the Orinoco, several hundred feet beneath us. Jacob was making slower time than he'd hoped as he had now to be careful, not to send us all plummeting down into the river.

"Drat this rain!" Jasper exclaimed, swiping his damp curls out of his eyes and settling his heavy pack into a more comfortable position.

"It will be over soon, it always is," I said as soothingly as I could. Nothing, especially not a harmless, little rain shower, could ruin this day for me and I was trying to hold onto that floating feeling for as long as I could.

"Jacob!" Leah screamed in front of us and we both froze in place, the adrenaline coursing through me.

Just to the left and directly up above us on the steep cliff, a mud slide was careening toward the path at break-neck speed. It was between us and our young guide. Leah tried to lunge forward to get to her brother but Paul took hold of her in the nick of time.

"Jasper, Edward, get back! Help me with the mules! There is nothing you can do for him now. He will get to safety and we can make our way to him when it stops!" Paul shouted.

We moved back a few paces, keeping our eyes on Jacob as he backed up, his eyes strained on the ravaging force of nature that came between him and us. With no warning at all, the ground beneath his feet gave way and he was swept across the narrow path and down over the side of the cliff toward the river below. There was no time to cry out; there was no time to say anything at all. He was there and then he was gone.

Leah's scream of terror was barely audible over the destructive roar of the mudslide while it trickled down to nothing in front of us. It had taken Jacob and there was absolutely nothing we could have done to help him. She jerked free of Paul and ran over the edge of the cliff. We followed her, Jasper, Paul and I but as we stood looking down at the river below us, there was nothing to be seen there but the rapids and the remains of several tree trunks being tossed about in the raging water.

She sank to her knees her head in her hands and gave over to piteous sobs, crying out curses or pleas in her native tongue while she shook with her grief. Paul knelt beside her, his hands on her shoulders, pressing his forehead against the side of her face. There was nothing Jasper and I could do but stand there as outsiders, witnesses to their shared grief.

My belly churned and my guts clenched into a knot as the bile rose in the back of my mouth and unspent adrenaline flowed through me. My throat felt as though it was closing off and I couldn't draw a good breath. He wasn't there with us. He'd gone over the edge into the river and he would not be coming back. I felt the cut of small rocks on the ground beneath me as I sank to my knees on the jungle floor. My body was shaking and my hands clenched and unclenched. There are no words to describe what I was feeling at that moment.

It had been so sudden, so completely unexpected. No warning, no chance to say goodbye, I love you, anything at all. He was dead. No one could have survived a fall like that, not to mention the suffocating liquid mud that would have taken him over the edge with it and the debris that would have been slammed against him. He'd likely been crushed to death beneath the water if the fall itself hadn't killed him. At the very least, it would have knocked him unconscious and he would have drowned when he sank beneath the rapids. His battered body would wash up miles down-river from where we were.

I don't know how much time passed by while we all sat there together and grieved, out loud and in silent disbelief. Jasper sat next to me, his hand gripping my shoulder. His face was frozen in a mask of disbelief and his eyes full of unshed tears. I couldn't ease his pain when I was still a prisoner of my own. Leah screamed and cried and threw rocks into the river. Paul tried to sooth her as best he could but she would have none of it. After a time, she turned her rage upon me.

"You! Damn you and your grandfather before you to come here and take that thing, that cursed thing from the temple! If you had stayed in England then my brother would still be alive! Was it not enough for you to try your damndest to corrupt him? You had so see him dead as well? He was the last or my father's sons. Who will lead our people now? Damn you to hell, both of you!" she tried to make a run at me and Paul grabbed her, dragging her to the ground and holding her pinned tightly to his chest.

She struck against his huge biceps helplessly and then gave over to her grief again. And so we remained until evening began to fall. At long last, Leah rose and went to gather what she could of her gear, thrown about as it had been when she'd been trying to get to Jacob. Paul quietly asked Jasper and me to help him set up camp and we did as he asked. We could go no further at any rate until the mud slide had time to dry enough for us to attempt to cross it.

Paul took Leah over and sat her down beside the fire he had made, and then called to me to bring jasper. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"I am no leader as Jacob was. I cannot hope to take his place. As I see it, we have but two choices before us. We have the pyramid within our sight and I believe that I can get us to it. I do not have any knowledge of what we will find within it save the legends of our people. Leah has never been to it before and neither have I. Jacob was in it once many years ago when his father took him and his brothers to it for a ceremony. If you wish to continue, Edward, and I think Jacob would have wanted you to, then I will lead you but I wish to leave Leah here at the camp. I think it best for Jasper to remain with her as protection for her. I will not risk her death as well."

Jasper and I listened to what Paul had to say but before either of us could speak, Leah cleared her throat and sat up straighter to address the group.

"I will not be left behind. We have come this far and we will go on and finish this business. When we are done, we will take the river back to our village. We will build rafts and go slowly, drifting with the currents. We will look for my brother's body and we will take him back to our father. First we will finish this, and then we will let the river take us home."

"Leah…" Paul began but she held up her hand to stop him and he fell silent, and then turned to me.

"Edward, do you wish to go on?" he asked solemnly.

"Yes, Paul, I have no choice. I must." My voice sounded foreign and strange to me, tight and strained with my grief.

We made camp as best we could and put up our tents. Everything was wet and soggy. No one felt like eating but Leah warned up some stew and sat the bowls before us. I had to force myself to swallow it against the lump that had settled in my throat. More than once I found myself brushing the tears away as I sat there numb to my surroundings. When darkness fell, things were worse.

Leah had taken from her pack, a little bag which held Jacob's things in it. She was running her fingers over a bead necklace that had belonged to him, his hunting knife and other small things which he had brought along. It was more than I could bear to see and I slipped away quietly, taking Jasper with me.

Jasper and I went to our tent and I lay down with him on his cot, holding him tightly to me, unable to close my eyes and unwilling to rest though it was what my exhausted and grieving body needed. I could hear Leah's quiet sobbing and Paul's attempts to ease her pain with his words. I could not understand what he was saying to her but the meaning was clear.

I could not remember a single time in my life when I had ever before felt that wretched. Each time I'd lost one of the members of my family, it had been a slow, lingering death that had given us all time to say farewell and tie the loose ends. It had been within the safety of Cullenwood and in the arms of those I loved. This was nothing like that. I felt alone as I'd never before felt alone. Though I held Jasper, though I could easily hear our companions outside the tent, I was on an island adrift in a churning sea. It seemed that the dark waves would swallow me, just as the rapids had swallowed Jacob.

I felt the hot tears slipping down my cheeks and the slow grind of my breaking heart while time ticked on in its miserable rhythm. Why could it not have been me that had gone over? Why him, when he was so young and strong and alive? I was a young, old man and he was still a boy! I silently cursed myself and this whole adventure. I'd had the gall to start that day so happy and pleased with myself but I had a plan.

Tomorrow we would move forward. We would reach the pyramid and I would put the idol back where it belonged. We would leave, make our way down the hillside to the river and build rafts. We would float down the river and look for him. We would find him and take him back to the village. I would offer myself to his father as a sacrifice in exchange for the death of his son on the grounds that they let Jasper go back to Tucupita safely. I had no desire to live past this journey. Jacob was dead and it was no one's fault but my own.

Jasper was young and brave and strong. He had so much to offer to someone. He would find another and love again. I couldn't damn him to a lifetime of staying with me while I grieved myself slowly to death to pay for the life of another who had not deserved to die. I would die here in the village and Jasper could go back to London or to Texas where his family still lived. He could go on and find the happiness that he deserved. I deserved nothing but the fate I'd resigned myself to. Nothing would stop me from making the offer of my life for his. Nothing would change my mind.

At first light, I would inform Leah of my intentions and leave the rest to the hand of fate. I trusted that she would see things my way as she now hated me more than any other living man. I had no doubt she would be happy to translate my wishes to their father. I would keep it from Jasper. There was no need for him to suffer. Leah could take him back to Tucupita with the rafts men and get him to the mission. They would help him secure a flight back to France and from there he could make his way to London or wherever he wished to go.

I closed my eyes and remembered the sound of Jacob's voice when he'd spoken my name, the feel of his skin as I'd held him against me in this very tent the night before. It didn't seem possible that his vibrant life had been snuffed out in a matter of seconds. I let the grief take me and I sank into it, drowning in it and longing for him. I knew that I would never be happy again and I welcomed death as a means to end the pain.

Sometime before morning, I could bear the stifling heat of the tent no longer. I scooted myself free from Jasper and slipped outside. The fire had burned down to embers and I went to sit down with Paul who was crouched beside it, smoking a pipe and staring at the flickering coals.

"You must forgive Leah, Edward. She is bowed with grief over the loss of Jacob. She didn't mean those things she said to you."

"It doesn't matter. I will give their father my blood in exchange for the loss of Jacob's life. It is no more than I deserve. Will you and Leah see that Jasper makes it back to Tucupita? It is my only request. He is innocent in all this. It is my fault that we are here…"

"How is it your fault, Edward?" he interrupted me. "You did not take the idol! You are doing the noble thing to return it. My people are grateful for you for making this trip to bring it back to us. Jacob will be a hero among our legends for his sacrifice. Edward, do not stain his death with your blood as well. Their father will not want that and neither do we."

I sighed and took the pipe he proffered to me, drawing from it that same, thick and aromatic smoke I'd shared with the shaman on our first day in the village. It did nothing to clear my conscious but it did still my trembling hands and ease my aching head. Paul and I sat silently for a long time enjoying the company of each other and taking comfort from it. I had not yet changed my mind but began to wonder if I could really leave my Jasper.

Dawn began to creep upon us and slink over the horizon of the jungle canopy like a stalking tigress, forcing us to begin another agonizing day full of the grief of his absence. Paul stood up and stretched, then reached out a hand to help me stand.

He went into the tent to awaken Leah and I slipped back into our tent to rouse Jasper. I knew I needed to wash up and when I went back to the campfire, I took the water crock from Leah and offered to go back to the little stream we'd crossed to fetch water for the breakfast. She gave it over to me and I lugged it back down the path.

I knelt down beside the small, babbling stream and sank the crock beneath the water, letting the natural flow of the water fill it. I stiffened and stood quickly when I heard a noise behind me. I quickly took up the jug and made my way back to the camp site, having no desire to be eaten by some animal on its way to drink from the stream.

Leah took the jug from me and Paul heaped wood upon the fire. I watched them as they ducked back inside their tent to fetch out the remainder of their belongings. It was still dark at our campsite, the sun having not yet made its way high enough to filter down through the canopy to us. I pushed the flaps of our tent aside and went in to watch Jasper as he dressed and pushed a comb through his curls.

I sank down on my cot and held my head in my hands. Grief was rolling over me again and I honestly didn't know if I could make another day like this. Jasper came to kneel down beside me as the tears took me again.

"Jasper, I can't… I don't even want to…"

"Hush, my love, you must get hold of yourself," he urged, his voice betraying the panic he was feeling. "I need you to be strong. I am utterly at a loss here in this strange place and you are my strength. If you fail then I will be without anchor."

"Come, eat," I heard Leah calling from outside and I rose, taking Jasper's hand in mine.

We stood before the pyramid. Paul had gotten us that far and now he was at a loss. We'd circled the base all the way around and it had taken us nearly an hour but we could find no way to enter it. Paul scratched his chin and looked thoughtful. Leah was staring at the ground and made no effort at all to be helpful but at last she lifted her eyes and made a small noise in her throat.

"I see a way in, look up there!" she exclaimed.

We looked in the direction she was pointing and saw it, a small, cave-like opening several layers up on the side of the pyramid. The structure was made in the traditional step-style of mud bricks. We could climb the outside and make our way up. It would be easy to do so long as there were no traps or hidden dangers.

Paul instructed us all to leave our things behind and he tied off the mules. I carried with me, only the small, duffle bag that held the idol. Paul took his machete and had a pack that held several large sticks of wood that we would use as torches. Leah took her knife. We began to climb up the side toward the little door. It took us nearly 20 minutes to make the climb, as the brick had eroded away in some places and we had to scramble for a hand hold but at last we four stood on the platform before the entrance. Great wooden doors that seemed to be carved of acacia wood were closed over the opening.

Paul reached out and pushed them open and then stepped back as dust billowed out to meet us. We coughed against it and waited until the air had cleared then Paul lit one of the torches and stepped inside. We followed him at a safe distance but with a sudden gust of wind, the doors were blown shut against us almost as soon as we entered.

Jasper cried out in fear and tried to get them open again. He beat upon them and tried in vain to pull them back but nothing would give. "Edward, we are trapped," he gasped.

"Jasper, calm yourself. I have my machete and we will hack them open if we must, now let us go on," Paul urged.

He raised the torch and held it up so that we could see where we were going. Just ahead of us was a long passage with beautiful paintings done by the Warao people who had lived and worshipped here in the past. Paul and Leah lingered to look at the paintings and Jasper moved to cling to me. He was claustrophobic and hated this closed up place. I was inclined to agree with him at that moment.

Just as we were about to move forward, the doors began to shake and rattle as if there was something trying to get in to us. Leah and Paul turned and Paul held up the torch, his face strained and fearful.

"The spirits, it must be them!" Leah gasped, reaching for Paul and moving to stand behind him.

"Edward, Jasper, get behind me!" he cried but there was no time to move.

With one final rattle, the doors were flung open and slammed against the walls with a resounding thud of wood on stone. Light poured into the chamber and blinded us. There standing in the doorway, was a figure, outlined in the shadows, with the rays of sunlight spilling around it. I could not see at first who it was but as the figure took a shaking step forward and out of the sunlight, my fears melted into nothingness and my heart soared to heights I'd never before imagined possible.

There in the doorway, framed on either side with the wild and barbaric paintings of his ancestors, was our guide; wet and bedraggled and weak but alive. It was Jacob!


	14. Chapter 14

Wild Orchid

Chapter Fourteen

"It can't be!" Leah cried as she shoved past Paul and ran to Jacob. She placed her hands on either side of his face and pressed her forehead against his. "You're alive! You're alive!" she sobbed.

Jacob slumped to the ground at her feet exhaustion taking him. Leah pushed his tangled and dirty hair back from his face and clung to his neck while they held to each other as if still unable to believe they could do so.

I could not find voice with which to speak, nor call forth any words which would do justice to the feelings that enveloped me. I had never been a religious man but it was clearly evident to me that what I was experiencing was a true miracle from God above. No one could have survived a fall like that, into those churning rapids filled with debris. It just wasn't possible and yet here he stood before us, alive and breathing.

Jacob held to Leah as he struggled to get back his ragged breath. He raised his dark eyes and reached out one hand to touch me. I fell to the floor, taking his hand and pressing it against my face as if to convince myself that he was indeed alive and not just a ghost come back to haunt us.

His poor body was bruised, battered and covered in abrasions. A long, gagged cut marred the left side of his face and it would more than likely leave a scar but yet it did nothing to detract from his beauty but rather enhanced it for me. Despite all of this, he seemed to be all right.

Jasper was with us on the floor, his hand pressing against my shoulder in an attempt to get my attention. "Jacob might be injured. I wish he'd not tried to climb up after us. He clearly needs to rest. He might have internal damage from the fall," he warned.

"Right you are," I replied. "How will we ever get him back down?" I wondered aloud.

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it," Paul said. "Come, let us go on up while his strength lasts. It is a blessing that he has been restored to us alive and well but we cannot be on this pyramid when night falls. The guardian spirits will possess us and drive us mad."

"But Paul, he can't possibly go forward now!" I protested.

"Edward speaks the truth, Paul, let us sit here for a bit and take a small meal. I have with me some dried meat and a bit of fruit. We have our canteens. Jacob can take his ease, eat a bit and I will look him over for injuries while he tells us what happened to him," Leah said as she began to rummage through her bag.

"We do not want to be trapped here after dark!" Paul exclaimed, his face a mask of both worry and what appeared to me, to be slight aggression.

"We won't be," Leah insisted. "Just let him rest a bit and let me see to him."

She eased him down to stretch out on the floor, motioning me to support his head on my knees as she began to slide her hands carefully over his arms and legs, feeling for broken bones. Finding none, she then pressed carefully over his chest, stomach and groin, watching his face for some unspoken sign of pain. From time to time, he would winch a bit and she would ask him, in their language, if what she was doing was painful but he would shake his head no. At last, she sat up, relieved that she'd found no sign of further trauma.

"He seems to be intact and without any other injury. The Gods are to be praised for this. I will burn spices on the top of the pyramid to give them thanks for this gift," she breathed, swiping at the tears that hung in the corners of her wide eyes.

We helped Jacob sit up though he leaned heavily against Jasper and me while Leah gave him some dried meat and fruit to eat, encouraging him to drink heavily from her canteen. Paul paced restlessly about the corridor and made busy propping open the wooden doors with fallen stones. At long last he could bear the wait no longer and came back to us.

"Leah, we must move forward. If he cannot go with us then he will have to remain here and Jasper will stay with him. Can he tell me where in this place the room of idols is located so that Edward and I can go and find it, replace the stolen idol and then return to all of you?" Paul asked.

Jacob, sensing the nature of the conversation, pushed at our hands and stood on unsteady legs. He tried to take a few steps unaided but wavered and nearly fell. He reached for me and I put my arm around him to steady him. Jasper rushed to offer help and supported his other side. Jacob faced Paul and spoke in a firm though somewhat raspy voice.

"He is telling Paul that he will go on with us and he will not be left behind. He is weak but he wants to go forward. Edward, will you and Jasper help him until he gets his strength back?" Leah asked.

"Yes, of course we will," I answered.

Paul seemed placated and he took up his torch. We followed after him as best we could, picking our way among fallen stones and stepping over wide fissures in the floor. Cool, damp air rose from those fissures and I couldn't help but imagine horrible falls into the nothingness beneath us and the type of insects or creatures that might live in those cracks in the earth. I shuddered with that visual and continued on.

As we moved, the path began to incline slightly upward. Jacob struggled a bit but seemed to be getting some of his strength back. I could not say that I wasn't enjoying the chance to support his substantial weight a bit. Having him back in my arms again, if only for a short time, made the previous days grief worth every shed tear and every gut wrenching moment.

By and by we began to notice paintings that decorated the walls of the passageway, bright reds and greens, blues and yellows made a canvas upon the flat, brown stone. The paintings were of a rather violent nature showing scenes of sacrifice with bound captives dressed in red, flowing robes and wearing headbands with feathers. The captives resembled shamans in their decorative costumes and I had to wonder about the nature of these paintings.

Leah answered the question for me before I could give it voice. "Our people have a dark and violent past. It was the custom, in times of trouble, to make sacrifice of the youngest son of the shaman. It was their belief that this young prince of the tribe, given over to the Gods as a gift, would appease them and they would take away whatever ailed the tribe."

I fought to contain my instinctual gasp of shock. They had murdered their own boys as victims for sacrifice? I glanced over at Jacob and found Jasper doing the same, a frown on his pale face evident in the flickering torch light. He was thinking the same thing I was. Jacob was his father's youngest son and he would have been the victim of choice for the Warao people if they still engaged in such barbaric practices. Jasper's eyes met mine for a moment and he shook his head, his lips pressed in a tight line. I took the warning and said nothing further. They no longer did such things and so we had not to worry about it.

Paul stopped moving ahead of us and called to Leah who went immediately to him. "There are doors opening onto rooms on either side of the passage. Leah, ask Jacob if he remembers this place."

Leah asked Jacob in their language but he didn't seem to know where he was anymore than any of us and he shook his head no. Paul grimaced and seemed once more to be rather annoyed. After a moment of appearing not to know quite what to do, he dropped his pack on the ground and rummaged through it for the other torches he'd brought. He lit them and handed one to Jasper and one to Leah.

"Come, Leah, you and I will search the rooms to the right and Jasper, Edward and Jacob can search the rooms on the left. We will be within voice of each other and can call for help if needed," he said.

I took full support of Jacob as Jasper held aloft the torch and entered the first room. They were like dark, gaping mouths opening on each side of the corridor with a cool, stale air drifting from them. The rooms seemed to beacon to us like silent, waiting sentinels of this place, traps they looked to me but I had not to fear from them; at least, not yet.

As we stepped across the threshold, Jasper lifted the torch and waved it about. "My God!" He gasped. "Look at this, Edward!"

I stepped closer, still holding Jacob tightly as if I feared something would reach up and grab him away fro me. There before us, lying in heaps and piles upon the cracked, tile floor, was gold, precious jewels and moldering, wooden boxes of ivory, jade and treasures of immeasurable wealth. We stood dumbfounded. This must be the store house of the Warao tribe's wealth. If anyone from the outside was ever to discover it…

"Drat these cobwebs!" Jasper cried, waving his hands around in front of his face wildly.

"Careful, love, I see none," I insisted and wondered what he was feeling. I had not to wonder for long.

I felt, upon my face and neck, the soft, gentle wisps of what seemed like feather-soft touches. I could hear whispers of conversation, the voices male and seeming young. The words were in Warao but I could understand the meaning behind them. I could feel the warning in my very blood. These were spirits and they were protecting their treasure.

"Edward!" Jasper cried out, swiping madly at the things as they surrounded us, appearing like wisps of smoke, tendrils of it, winding around us and brushing, cold against our skin.

"Calm yourself, Jasper!" I pleaded with him, making to put my hand on his arm.

Jacob stood silent, his face contorted in grief. He lowered his head and shook it sadly. I wondered at his actions but didn't take much more time to consider them. I grabbed Jasper's free hand and taking Jacob in my other, pulled them out of the room and into the corridor. We moved in this fashion from room to room.

Some of the chambers were empty; others had treasures or weapons stored in them. We had reached the last of the rooms when a shout from Paul drew us to attention.

"Come, we've found it!" he cried.

Jasper led the way across the corridor, following the sound of Paul's voice and the faint flicker of his torch. We emerged into a large, vaulted room with a ceiling painted bright red and a floor of intricate, mosaic tiles. Along the walls of this room were slabs carved out of the stone walls. At the head of each slab was a small niche and in each niche stood an ivory idol just like the one I held. Lying on the stone slabs beneath each idol was a body.

The bodies were moldered away to nothing, mummified, as it were, in the heat of the Amazon and the constant temperature of the pyramid, dried out and preserved here in this dark burial chamber. The remnants of their ceremonial head-dresses and red robes remained visible on some of the bodies.

"Is this the burial place of the tribe's shamans?" Jasper asked.

"No, Jasper. These are not the shamans. These are the princes of the tribe given in sacrifice," Paul answered, his voice sounding tight and strange.

When I turned to him, his eyes were wide, his mouth open slightly, his expression strange. It made me somewhat uneasy as his whole demeanor had done as of late.

"Think of it, Leah," he said as he turned about, observing the dead princes lying on their stone slabs, guarded each by his own idol. "So many who went willingly to die for the tribe, to be given to the Gods as servants. Imagine such an honor," he said breathlessly.

"It is barbaric!" Leah answered, reaching out to grip Jacob's hand, thinking, as I had done, that it would have been her brother who we both touched reverently, that would have been lying on the stone slab with one of those damned idols standing over his head, a trocanter raised. I hated that image and could not imagine what would have made them carve the idols to stand like that over their dead.

Jacob was biting his lip as he looked around at the bodies. He knew what they were and what it meant. A tear slid down his face, reflecting in the flickering torch light. He turned away from me and hid his face against Leah's neck. She made to soothe him with her arms, shushing him and whispering words of comfort.

I could not watch him in grief like that. Jasper seemed the only one of our group with any sense at that moment as he was walking about, looking for the slab that was missing its idol. "Edward, did your grandfather mention this room in his journal's?" he asked me?

"No, Jasper. He only said that it was a room of idols, he didn't say anything about the dead princes," I answered.

"Let's find the one that is missing its idol, replace it and get the bloody hell out of this place!" Jasper insisted.

Leah handed me her torch and nodded at me to follow after Jasper. He took one side and I the other. Holding up my torch, I searched for the empty niche above the body of a prince but found none.

"Here!" Jasper cried suddenly. "There is an empty niche here!"

I ran to him, followed by Paul. There was an empty niche but empty also was the slab beneath it. In the deep dust it was obvious that in the distant past, the niche holding the idol had been disturbed. I wondered if the disturbances in that dust were from my grandfather's hands as he removed the idol.

"Put it back, Edward and let's go!" Jasper insisted.

"But where is the missing prince?" Paul mumbled aloud.

"I shifted my pack to the ground and began to rummage about in it for the idol. When I lifted it from its wrappings, the torches flared up. I could feel the feather-soft touches of the spirits again and hear their insistent warnings in that language I couldn't understand. A fear so palpable it was like an acrid taste on my tongue began to weave itself into the fiber of my being like it had been with me always and I fought to control the shaking of my hands while I stood and replaced the missing idol in the niche.

"Jasper!" Leah screamed suddenly. When I turned to see what she was so distressed over, I saw my love crumple to the floor and Paul standing over him with a raised torch. He'd struck my Jasper over the back of his head.

"Paul, what are you doing?" she cried.

He turned to face Leah and Jacob, his expression venomous. I made a grab for Jasper's fallen torch but when I stood with it, I received the brunt of Paul's thrown fist directly in my left eye. I stumbled back and tripped over Jasper's prostrate form. The last thing I could clearly remember was the sound of Leah screaming, just before my head struck the corner of the empty slab behind me.

"Paul, no… no… please don't hurt Jacob!"


	15. Chapter 15

Wild Orchid

Chapter Fifteen

I woke from that nightmare into a reality that was far worse than the waking dream. I was bound upright to a stake anchored into the stones beneath me. I could see the stars above in the night sky and understood that I was on the flat platform atop the pyramid. On the ground next to me was Leah, sitting up against the base of a similar stake, her hands bound behind her and a gag in her mouth. I turned my head from side to side as best I could but there was no sign of Jasper.

Leah gasped and struggled, trying to tear free of the stake that bound her. I followed the direction of her horrified stare and beheld a sight that ran my blood cold. Jacob was bound, face down, upon a large, stone alter a few feet away. Paul stood to the side of the alter, facing us. He held in his hands, a large, trocanter after the fashion of the ones the idols held in the pyramid. Paul's eyes were dark and fierce, his mouth set, his expression violent and crazed. When he spoke, the voice that came forth was almost unrecognizable and dripping with hate.

"A prince is missing and must be replaced. We must make sacrifice now to give our tribe back the force it once had when we lived within sight of this pyramid and took our strength from it. The Christians came to tame us, to take away our old ways and weaken us. We must get back those old ways." Paul reached down with one hand and placed it on the back of Jacob's head, lifting the boy's long hair and pulling it to one side, exposing his neck.

The torches in their niches all around us on the rooftop flared up and the spirits brushed forcefully against us, their whispers desperate and urgent. I felt dazed as I begin to see them, the ghosts of the murdered boys, dark eyes, dark hair, so like Jacob. They weren't trying to harm us, they were trying to drive Paul away from Jacob but he brushed them away, his face set and determined.

"With all the sons of our shaman dead, I can be free to marry the daughter of my father's brother. The shaman has no more sons and I will lead in his place. Leah will be my wife and I will restore our tribe to the strength it had when we made our sacrifices and ruled in this place as a power," Paul cried as he lifted the trocanter above his head.

I could feel the helpless hands trying to untie me, the sad, mournful voices and faces speaking in that old language, pleading, begging for release…

Paul stood above Jacob, chanting in that same language. I couldn't understand what he was saying but Leah was going completely mad on the ground next to me, fighting and straining against her bonds. Jacob turned to look at me; his face stained with tears, his eyes pleading and called my name one last time.

"Edward…" My heart broke and I screamed behind the gag as Paul brought the trocanter down.

It failed to make contact with Jacob's neck as Paul was shoved violently aside, the trocanter falling with a clatter of metal against the tile roof top. Jasper stood above him, a burnt out torch in his hands. Before Paul could recover his feet to stand again, Jasper swung it and made contact with the side of Paul's head. I could not see my love's face but I could hear his voice when he spoke. I could hear the power, the masculinity in it and it went right to my heart.

"Mister, you picked the wrong Texan to tussle with! I've been a weak man for too long and I've forgotten myself but I'll be damned if I'm going to keel over and let you hurt that boy, or my lover. You may go straight to hell you selfish bastard and when you get there, tell the devil Jasper Whitlock sends his regards!"

Paul staggered back toward the edge of the rooftop, the spirits swiping at him, surrounding him so thickly that he appeared to be literally wearing a swirling mass of thick smoke. He managed to get to his feet somehow and continued to swing ineffectively at them, attempting to chase them away.

"No, get away, no…!"

He stepped back a bit too far and the spirits surged against him. With a scream of terror, he lost his footing, flailing helplessly about for purchase but finding none. He plunged headlong over the side of the pyramid. I could hear his body striking against the stone steps as he fell into the darkness below us.

Jasper knelt beside the alter and cut Jacob loose, then came to Leah and me and freed us as well. My legs were numb from being bound to tightly and I fell to the tiles, unable to stand. Leah helped me sit up and then turned to look in the direction of the alter. I followed her gaze and was astounded with what I beheld.

Jacob stood face to face with a young man. The boy was tall and muscular like Jacob. He wore the ceremonial head band with three feathers hanging from the side of it and was wrapped in a red robe than hung from his wide shoulders with a gold clasp at his neck. He seemed almost transparent and yet had visible form. They spoke together in hushed tones in their language and the boy raised his hand and placed it on Jacob's shoulder, then pulled Jacob closer to him, pressing their foreheads together. The stayed thus for a moment, then the boy turned to face our group and smiled.

"He is the murdered prince whose body is missing from the slab. He is telling Jacob that he was freed from this place when your grandfather took the idol. Your idol was his. They were placed above the murdered princes to keep their spirits here in the pyramid to act as guardians over the treasure. The prince is asking us to free the other spirits. We must remove the idols from the room below and destroy them. If we do this, they will be able to leave this place and be free," Leah translated.

"Let's help them," Jasper urged. "If they are trapped here by the idols, let's destroy them."

And so we went below, the four of us and removed the idols as many as we could hold at a time and brought them up to the roof. One by one, we destroyed the cursed things, bashing them to bits upon the tiles.

The torches flared around us and the top of the pyramid was filled suddenly with a crowd of young men in similar dress to the prince who had spoken with Jacob. They moved about in the half light, drifting among the torches and passing between us, the living, as if floating on the currents of the air. Their handsome faces bright, smiling, seeming at ease.

All around us, the feeling of joyful relief was evident. It was so strong a sensation that I felt as if I could reach out and touch it. One by one, the spirits disintegrated away, becoming bright pinpoints of light resembling dancing fireflies. I could sense them going up and away, fare welling us as they went. We were left alone, standing there atop the pyramid in the inky darkness of the Amazon night.

"My God above, Jasper!" I cried. "You are an oak!" I took him in my arms and held him tightly against me. "You were so strong, so brave, my love!" I kissed him passionately not caring what Leah might think about it. She was preoccupied for the moment with Jacob.

"Come; let us get down from this place. I want to get away from here," Jasper urged me.

We took up the torches and began to slow trek back down through the pyramid. None of us spoke much. Jasper and I supported each other and Jacob and Leah went ahead of us, holding tightly to each other's hands. When we stood at the open doors of the lower platform, dawn was beginning to break over the jungle. The pyramid no longer felt ominous or haunted. The poor trapped spirits of the boys were free at last.

We made our way down the side of the pyramid very slowly in the faint light and mindful of Jacob's weakened state. Fortunately, the spirits were now watching out for us and aided with their good will, we reached the ground safely, all of us. We located the mules and our gear a little way away from the base of the pyramid where we'd left it the day before.

Jacob and Leah sat down to rest and Jasper and I took the larger of the mules, a blanket and some rope and began to trek around the pyramid to look for Paul's body. It took some time to locate it in the dense undergrowth but we managed to find him lying broken at the base of the pyramid. Jasper and I wrapped his battered body in the blanket, tied it off and laid him across the saddle of the mule, then made our way back to the camp.

Neither Jacob nor Leah would look at the body and that was for the best. We took up our gear, carrying more than the usual share as the smaller mule now had to take the gear the larger mule had been packing and headed away from the pyramid. Leah fell back to speak with me and told me that she wished to make a bonfire and burn the body when we found a suitable spot in which to do so.

We traveled a few miles away from the pyramid and managed to locate our former campsite along the blazed trail. Jasper and I cut branches and built a pyre for Paul, and then we placed his body upon it and doused the structure with some kerosene we'd brought along.

Leah stood silent for a moment, then bowed her head and began to speak a kind of prayer in their language. She would later tell us that it had been a request to the Gods to forgive Paul for his transgressions and allow his spirit to come to them. She nodded to me and I threw a match into the flames.

Jacob leaned against Leah and she took him in her arms. The four of us stood sentinel to the destruction of Paul's mortal remains and when at long last the fire burned low, Leah fished his blackened skull from the ashes, cooled it with water from her canteen and wrapped it in a blanket to take back to the village so it could be buried with his family outside the village.

All that day we travelled, resting when we got to tired and stopping to eat when we were hungry. We were all of us sober after the emotional upheaval of the last two days. As we walked along the blazed trail in single file, Jasper and I leading the mules, I kept remembering the face of the young spirit who had spoken to Jacob. I could see his dark eyes, his full mouth, and the glint of the gold band around his bicep. I could not shake his visage from my memory and it seemed the farther we went along the trail, the more vivid became that recollection.

When we finally stopped for the night, we were all still weary and grief stricken. Jacob sat on the ground beside Leah as she made up the last bit of jerky into a meal for us. He leaned against her and cried silently. He was still hurt from his ordeal and emotionally shocked from Paul's actions and what he had meant to do. It was a blow that all of us were still reeling from but most of all Jacob who had been the intended target.

I wanted so to take the boy into my arms and comfort him but I gave him the space he clearly needed. Jasper and I tended to the mules, fetched water and wood and did all the tasks that Paul had formerly done. We ate in silence and retired to our tents.

I lay with Jasper on his cot, holding him as he slept and thankful that he was alive and with me. I fought against sleep as long as I could but it finally took me and I drifted away into dreams.

It must have been nearly dawn when I woke suddenly. He stood not two feet from me. It was him, the spirit boy from the pyramid. I sat up to face him. When he spoke, I found that I could understand the words he was speaking to me. He knelt in front of me and reached out placing his hands on my knees.

"Years ago, Englishman, your grandfather set free my captive spirit when he took the idol that guarded me. He let me go and I was free. You must let him go, the shaman's son. He is not for you. You must leave him behind. You must let him go…"

The image faded quickly away, swept from me with a sudden breeze and I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it or if it had been real. It mattered not if the spirit had been there with me. His message was true. I knew it in my heart of hearts. Jacob was not mine. He belonged with his people and I would have to let him go.


	16. Chapter 16

Wild Orchid

Chapter Sixteen

The sunlight filtering down through the canvas of the tent woke me, shining against my closed eyelids. I was warm and secure but I was having a bit of trouble breathing. When I tried to shift on the cot, I came to understand why. Jacob was draped over me, his hand gripping my shirt, his leg thrown across my thighs. He slept like the dead and could not be moved. I tried in vain to wiggle myself out from beneath his substantial weight but it was pointless. At last I gave up the effort and surrendered my pride.

"Jasper, my dear, would you be so kind as to assist me with this?" I begged.

He was propped up on one elbow smoking a cigarette and grinning like the devil. He crushed out the smoke and stood up stretching slowly and taking his time to cross the tent to me.

"Why Edward, what a lovely new blanket you have! Tell me, love, where can I find such a mouth watering adornment?" he teased.

"Damn it, Jasper! Help me off with him!" I demanded impatiently.

Jasper chuckled and reached for Jacob's hand, untwining his fingers from my shirt, and then he rolled the heavy boy to one side so I could scoot carefully from beneath him. All that shifting about finally woke our native guide and Jacob sat up, stretching and looking about in confusion. When his eyes met mine, he smiled and reached out, throwing his big, strong arms around me and crushing me against him in a suffocating hug.

"Well good morning to you too, my handsome boy!" I gasped as the air was pushed from my lungs.

Jasper was in hysterics of laughter and sank down on the tiger skin rug, his arms wrapped round his knees as he attempted to get himself under control.

"Very funny, love! What would you do if you woke to find yourself in my situation?" I asked with masked irritation.

Jasper knelt up with a feral look on his face that made the blood run to my groin. He gripped the edge of the cot and glanced from me to Jacob, and then the corner of his cupid's mouth turned up in a dangerous, little grin.

"What would I do if I woke with a handsome boy in my bed? I think you know what I would do love," he growled.

I watched as Jasper slid his hand up the front of his chest and began to slowly unbutton it. I was mesmerized with his movements and shocked at his display of sensuality right in front of Jacob. It was enough to unman me and I couldn't allow that. I was not going to share either of them with the other. Jasper was unto me alone and Jacob… I knew wasn't for either of us. At least not each of us at the same time.

"Jasper, stop, not in front of the boy," I protested, reaching out and taking my love's hand in mine to still it.

"Oh and now you have a conscious?" Jasper asked.

"I won't corrupt him any more than I have already done. He slept in my bed last night and I did not touch him. I won't do it again, Jasper. I was warned by the spirits not to. He is not for me and I know it. I won't be cruel to him but I won't do further than I've done."

Jasper sat back on the rug and stared at me as though I was a stranger he was beholding for the first time. "You say that to me as you sit there holding him practically in your very lap and he holds you just as tightly. Do you know the jealousy that insights in me, Edward? I cannot compete with his body, his sensuality; I just do not possess that kind of lure…"

"Hush that foolish talk! You don't have to compete with him, Jasper. You are my lover and he is not! When we leave this place, I will go with you. He will remain here. I will always love him, yes but he is not my lover. You are. I choose you, my love. You know that so let it be enough!"

I could hear Leah moving about outside the tent. I knew we had to go forward. She'd told us that Jacob wanted to reach the falls by that evening and we could camp in our old campsite. The morning after that, we would be on the last leg of our journey back to the village and tonight would be our last night to camp away from it. I slid my hand down and gave Jacob a light smack on his firm bottom then slipped away from him to get washed up.

I lifted the tent flap and went out to survey the camp. Everything was damp with the early morning dew and from a light rain that had fallen in the night. Leah had drawn her long hair back into a bun at the base of her neck and was working to get a fire started in the damp wood. I poured a bit of kerosene on the pile for her and after some time, she was able to get a little blaze going. She hung the cooking pot over the flames and then turned to face me.

"Did you… what did you…" she stammered off for a moment and I was uncertain what she was trying to ask me. Finally she cleared her throat and continued, though without meeting my eyes.

"Did you lay with my brother last night?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"No, he came into the tent after I was asleep and climbed into my cot. He only slept with me. I did not touch him and he did not try to touch me. It was innocent on his part, nothing more. He only came to me for comfort," I answered.

She made no reply but seemed to be relieved at my admission. Jasper and Jacob came out to join us at that moment and we made a quick breakfast, all of us eager to continue. Jasper and I fed and watered the mules and packed up the tents and gear. I was tired of camping and moving about. I longed for the tranquility of the little village and hoped we would be able to rest there for at least a few days before going back to Tucupita. This trip had certainly been an adventure but I had to admit that deep down, I was starting to long for Cullenwood again and the familiar.

We reached the damned bridge early that morning and I came to understand that I would have to be the one leading the small mule across this time. Jacob took Leah and Jasper over first, just as before though Jasper was much more relaxed than he had previously been when we made our first crossing. He had changed after the pyramid and I was pleasantly surprised at his newfound bravado.

I took my smaller mule over without much difficulty and went back to help Jacob with the larger animal. It didn't bulk as it had done on the first crossing and things went much better for us all around. Still, I was pleased to have the dangerous suspension bridge behind us.

Jacob was feeling better and we were able to make a faster pace than we'd made the day before. It was early afternoon when we reached the falls but he wanted to camp there for the night and so we stopped and set up the tents while he and Leah went down to the water and filled the jugs and canteens. I loved the thunder of the falls on the ground beneath me and the way it seemed to signify the circle we'd journeyed on to get back to this point. I recalled that it was here that I'd made my fall from grace and here perhaps; I could make things right once more.

When our native companions returned from the falls, Jacob took his spear and machete and disappeared into the jungle. He was going to hunt for our supper. I would have loved to go with him but he didn't offer for me to join him and I would not have been so presumptuous. My grandfather had carried his guns with him and hunted along the way on his journey, the tiger skin rug in our tent, one of his trophies. I was not like him in that manner. I did not hunt for trophies. I did it only for food.

Just as I had begun to worry, Jacob made his appearance, carrying two, large birds in his hand. Leah took them from him and scalded them in the boiling water, then plucked the feathers off the carcasses. I helped her cut them up and she threw them into the pot for our supper. We would eat well tonight. I was looking forward to a full belly and sitting near the warm fire listening to her play her flute and watching Jacob carve his secret a few feet away from her.

Jasper went back into our tent to lie down and listen to music until super was ready. I sat beside Leah watching the pot boil and thinking about nothing in particular. When I felt a light touch, I was startled. Jacob was kneeling beside me, his hand on my shoulder. I looked up into those dark eyes and read the meaning very clearly. He nodded toward the water and I knew he wanted me to accompany him to the falls. I looked nervously at Leah and swallowed hard. It was time to make my decision. Go with him or stand firm in my resolve. Leah would make the decision for me.

"Go with Jacob. He wants to play in the water and I don't want him down there alone. Behave yourself with him, Edward!" she warned.

I stood and heaved a great sigh. Could I do as she'd asked? Could I behave myself? Only time would tell the answer to that riddle. We walked quickly down the now, well-trodden path to the falls and I found it to be just as enchanting as it had been before. I glanced up at falling water and smiled as I recalled the secluded, little cave behind the falls and what had occurred there less than a week before. Jacob, sensing my thoughts, reached out and took my hand. He was smiling at me and I understood that he too was remembering that night.

God, how can I break his heart again? Why does it have to be this way? Why can I not have them both? I reached out and pulled him against me, tucking his head beneath my chin and wrapping him in my arms. I whispered his name against the top of his head and pressed my lips to his dark hair. My heart was hammering within my chest and my arousal was a wild animal raging inside the cage of my body. He was in my skin, in my soul and I was in agony with want of him at that moment.

I could feel his fingertips moving down my back, pulling my shirt from my pants and then his hands sliding up beneath it to grip my shoulders. I pushed him away from me and stood panting, my desire evident in the front of my trousers for all to see. I watched his eyes sweeping over me and I knew that he saw it, as his eyes lingered there for a moment before lifting to meet mine. I knew also, that it was pointless to fight. I would have to have him again, if not completely, at least in so much as I'd had him before. We were both in need and the edge must be taken off of this wantonness before we could, either of us, go back to his village.

He reached for my hand again and led me to the water. When we got down to the edge of it, he untied his loin cloth and let go my hand, stepping into the water and slipping beneath it, with such grace that he made barely a ripple on the surface. I stripped away my clothes and joined him. The water was cool and soft against my hot skin. It was a blessed relief for both the heat and my state of arousal.

Jacob broke the surface next to me and threw his arms around my shoulders, pressing his lips against mine and throwing himself hard against me. I kissed him back with the same fervent passion as he gave to me. We both knew this would be our last time to be together and we, each of us, desired a closure that only this kind of loving could give to us. I could feel his need, hard and hot against my own and I longed to ease it for him.

He took one of my hands and drew it down his body, pushing it against his arousal as he breathed my name against my lips in a pleading sort of manner. I could not refuse his begging and took him in hand, just as I'd done that first time. He leaned all his weight against me in the water and I supported him as I gave him pleasure, my mouth seeking his again and again for dizzying kisses that took the breath from both of us. When I felt his hand close around my hardness beneath the water I was surprised as his bravery but pleased that he felt the need to reciprocate.

And so we stood together on less than steady legs, giving and receiving pleasure from the other in what would be our last dance of passion before we parted ways. I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I held him with my free arm and he did the same for me. Each time I kissed that full, soft mouth I could feel the vibration of his moans of ecstasy against my tongue and it rolled the passion through my body. When he cried out against my neck, I gave it over to him and we rode those rolling waves together.

We clung to one another in the water for an eternity when it was done and the afterglow had faded to dusk. It was the beginning of the end and we both knew it. His head was against my shoulder and I could feel his body shaking. I didn't need to look down to know that he was crying. I didn't need to cup his chin in my hand and force his face upward to see the tears coursing down his cheeks. I stood holding this boy of a man in my arms and knowing it would be the last time I could hold him thus, naked and warm in the water against me.

When we left the falls hand in hand and dressed, I fought harder than I had ever had to fight, to keep my grief in check. I had to be strong for him too. He was struggling with his own misery and I would not make it more difficult for him. We made our way back to camp and joined Leah at the fire. I called for Jasper and he came out to us, his eyes heavy with sleep. We ate the stewed bird and drank the last of the wine Jasper and I had brought. We would have no more evenings like this together.

Jasper went down to the falls with Leah and stood with his back to her while she bathed, then she did the same for him. It seemed strange to me that he didn't mind doing this for her or she for him. I suppose in her mind, Jasper and I were little more than women in men's bodies.

While they were gone, Jacob fished around in Leah's bag and got his carving out. He sat with his back to me again, working the small piece of wood with his knife. Though curiosity tormented me, I knew he wished to keep it a secret and I didn't try to see. I watched him, the muscles moving beneath his skin as he worked, his lower lip tight in his teeth with the concentration evident on his handsome face. I tried to imagine what he would look like as a fully grown man. It was beyond my comprehension.

The noise of Leah and Jasper returning to us pulled me away from my contemplation. Jasper and I did the chores with the mules and made ready to retire for the night to our tent. I was hesitant to go to bed, wanting to spend more time with Jacob and Leah but she seemed tired and Jacob was listless and wouldn't meet my eyes.

The moon rode high in the night sky as I lay with Jasper. His hands roamed over my body and his lips touched my skin. The fever was hot in him and he was taking, possessing, and claiming what was his. He had to know that something had transpired between Jacob and me at the falls but he asked no questions. When he nudged my thigh with his knee, I rolled over for him and lay on my stomach, giving myself to him and surrendering to his demands.

He took me harder and more roughly than he had ever done. It was all I could do to keep still my cries of pleasure and he finally had to put his hand over my mouth to keep me silent. It was what I had always wanted from him. He was taking what was his and he made no apologies for it and yet it was not the way it had been in the dark alleys of my youth. This loving with Jasper was not the rape of my younger days. It was something entirely different. It was passion at its basest form and it was exactly what I needed. Jasper knew that and he wanted to be everything for me. He had discovered the key to the puzzle for the two of us.

When he fell against me as it was done, I knew that I would be happy again. There would be an ocean of pain that I would have to swim through but there would be sunshine on the other shore and Jasper would be waiting for me when I stepped onto the sand and was ready to live and love again. I would grieve for Jacob and it would be misery but I had my Jasper and he would hold me through the dark nights of my soul. We'd made it through the jungle, we'd survived near death. We were young and strong and we had each other. I would be happy again.


	17. Chapter 17

Wild Orchid

Chapter Seventeen

Authors Note: Warning, for those who are squeamish, this chapter details the coming of age ceremony and if you think about it, I'm sure you can figure out what that is about.

We reached the Warao village at dusk the next evening. The tribe's children came running out to join us but we were sober. Leah took forth from her pack the wrapped skull of Paul and handed it over to her uncle, Paul's father. The villagers stood silently with faces aghast as Jacob and Leah told the tale of Paul's fall from grace. Jasper and I remained silent as well, unable to speak and unable to add or take away anything they said in their language.

The evening should have been tempered with celebration but Paul's death had put a black mark on the festivities. Jacob's father took us all into his hut and talked at length with us through Leah's translation. Over and over we had to tell and re-tell the events that had taken place at the pyramid. Then he asked to hear once more, of Jacob's fall into the river at the mudslide. When we had gone over these events until I was sick of hearing the words, he finally seemed satisfied and reached out, grabbing the back of Jacob's head and crushing the boy against his chest.

Leah turned to us and sighed with relief. "He is proud of Jacob for the work he did in leading us and he is proud of you, Jasper for saving his son's life. Edward, he thanks you for returning the idol and to all of us for learning the secret and then freeing the spirits. The past of our tribe is a shame that we must learn to move on from. He welcomes you both to remain here with us for as long as you desire."

"Leah, please tell him that we appreciate his hospitality and we thank him for his kind words," I answered.

She nodded and conveyed the message to her father. We spent that night sleeping in the shaman's hut with Jacob, Leah and their father. It seemed fitting to him that we should do so and we were tired and weary of travel and tent sleeping. We snuggled up in thick fur's on the wooden platform floor and slept with the scent of sandalwood incense that burned to keep away the mosquitoes and bugs.

The next few days flew by in a breeze of thought and emotion. There was a ceremony for Paul as his skull was laid to rest with his family members and the village women sang laments for his soul, then little by little, things returned to normal for the tribe. I saw little of Jacob during this time as he ran about with his friends and told them stories of our journey. I longed to have just one more quiet moment with him but it seemed as though that would never be.

Jasper and I continued to sleep in the shaman's hut at night and though we slept side by side, we did not touch for fear of offending the shaman who did not know about us. Jacob slept near his father and Leah on the other side of the hut. Sometimes at night, I would wake and turn to look at him and find him staring back at me. It was in those quiet moments that I wondered how I would ever find the strength to leave him.

A week had past when Leah caught me coming back from bathing at the river and told me that she wished to speak to Jasper and me about a matter of import and that she would be coming to our tent. Jasper and I had set it up to have a place to go during the day where we could have some quiet moments alone.

A few days earlier, Jacob had come to us and through Leah, asked us to bear witness to his coming of age ceremony. Though Jasper and I had no idea what that might entail, we'd agreed to bear witness for him. She wanted to speak to us both about this ceremony now and I was anxious to hear what she had to tell us.

Leah opened the tent flap and ducked her dark head to enter. She looked solemnly at Jasper and me as she took a seat on the steamer trunk at the foot of my cot. She drew in a deep breath as she blinked her large, expressive eyes and then sighed.

"This thing that he has asked of you both, it is a great honor. No outsider has ever born witness to this ceremony. You must attend or he will see it as an insult. My father is willing for you to be present. He will perform the ritual and I will assist. It should have been our mother but she is no more and so the duty falls to me. I will serve in her role," she told us.

"What can we expect to see?" Jasper asked, his handsome face wearing a serious expression.

"I can only tell you that there will be cutting and blood. My brother cannot scream or make any sound during the ritual. To do so would be considered unmanly. He must remain perfectly still and silent while it is done," Leah answered.

"What are you going to do to him?" I gasped, unable to keep my fears to myself.

She turned toward me, her face passive and beautiful as always. "I think you know what we are going to do to him," she replied as she stood to go. "The ceremony will take place tonight. I will come for you when we are ready."

I watched her move with her simple grace as she closed the tent flap and left us. I fell back against the cot as an overwhelming sense of despair took me. How could I be expected to sit silently by and watch as they hurt him? It was barbaric to wait until a boy was in his late teens to do such a thing. I cringed to imagine what it would be like for him with no antiseptic and nothing to dull his pain. I understood that this was perfectly usual for them but to me it seemed absolutely loathsome.

Jasper came to me and took my hand as he sat beside me on the cot. "My love, this is their way. Jacob is prepared to endure it. For him it is a rite of passage to manhood and he has certainly earned it. We must go and bear witness because it is his will. You don't want to insult him, do you my love?" he asked, soothing me with his warm hand as he ran it through my unruly hair.

"No, I would die before I insulted him! I will go and I will watch but I don't believe this is right," I answered.

Jasper laughed quietly and leaned down to press his lips to mine. "Love, their ways are not our ways. We consider ourselves advanced and modern but are we not, in many ways, just as primitive as they? We perform this rite on newborn babies, taking the decision away from them and negating it to a necessary evil that must be done for hygienic purposes. I am coming to believe that this way, their way, is better."

"How can you say that?" I cried as I sat up. "He will be in absolute agony!"

"Edward, it will pass. These people know their business and they will do what they can to ease his suffering. In a week or so it will be as if it never happened," Jasper answered.

I lay back on the cot and stared at the canvas above me, watching it flap in the breeze that served only to stir the sweltering air but gave no real respite. In my mind I went over all the scenarios of things that might go wrong. I feared the possibility of infection setting in, of him being permanently scarred or mangled in some way, rendered infertile. I feared for him and for the pain he must endure and I wished, with all my heart, that I might have had the foresight to bring with me some opium so I could use it to ease his misery.

Evening came and the people lit the torches around the village. I could hear the women gathering outside Jacob's father's hut and I knew it was time. Leah appeared in the doorway and beaconed to Jasper and me to come. I arose, all my limbs trembling with trepidation and followed her. Jasper placed a steadying hand on my shoulder.

We followed Leah toward the hut. The hanging mats had been lowered all around it, to give privacy. I turned to watch as a parade of people neared. Jacob's father, the village shaman, was leading the procession. Jacob followed directly behind him. The village women were in tow, singing and playing upon their wooden instruments. I turned to Leah to ask her for the meaning of this and she answered my question before I could ask it.

"The women are singing and praying to our Gods to grant him fertility and strength. They ask that the Gods bless him and his future marriage bed. They pray that there will be no complications. They ask the Gods to be with him through the pain and help him to remain silent and be true to himself," she whispered.

I watched as they came closer, the drums playing upon my beating heart like a death knell. I wanted to take him and run but it was useless. I raised my eyes to his and saw there a kind of resignation in them. He wanted this to happen and I understood that but it pained me none the less.

Jacob's father ducked and entered the hut. Jacob followed him and Leah motioned for Jasper and I to go in as well. She came behind us, shutting the flaps and securing them. The singing women closed around the hut and continued their incantation to the Gods. I tried to drown it out. Leah knelt on the mats and reached for Jacob. He lay down, resting his back and shoulders on her thighs. I watched him swallow hard and realized that for all his seeming bravado, he was inwardly terrified.

I sucked in a breath of air and felt Jasper's hand as he placed it in mine and gave me a squeeze. I vainly attempted to steady my nerves. Jacob's father took a sharp knife and put the blade of it in the flames of the cooking fire in the center of the hut. He turned back to Jacob and spoke in their native language. Leah began to translate for Jasper and me.

"Jacob, you are now on the threshold. On one side a man, on the other, a child. You have earned the right, by your bravery and leadership, to endure this sacred ritual. Show now, that you are deserving of it by maintaining your silence as it is done upon you, as it has been done upon all of your brothers before you and as it was done by your grandfather upon your father. Bring honor to yourself and your family. Live a long and happy life. May you have many children to grace your aging days and may they be a blessing to you and your tribe."

Leah reached beneath the mat and picked up a small, flat piece of balsa wood. She placed this piece of wood between Jacob's teeth and leaned down to whisper to him. He crossed his arms over his chest and she took his wrists in her hands to hold them. I knew that such a gesture was merely symbolic and done more for his comfort. She could not possibly hold him still in such a manner if he began to struggle. I drew another ragged breath and fought to keep the look of horror from my face.

Jacob's skin was shimmering with sweat; his breathing was rapid and shallow. He was fighting to lay still and not to shame himself with his fear. I watched him close his beautiful eyes and bite down hard on the wood between his teeth. Leah whispered words of encouragement to him in their language. I had never felt more truly an outsider than I did at that moment when I could give him no comfort and must wait, silently as the object of my heart's desire endured a pain I would never know.

The shaman knelt down beside him and untied Jacob's loin cloth, pulling it off and laying it aside. I couldn't draw my eyes away as he reached across his son and retrieved the knife from the flames where it had been heating up. I watched Jacob take another hard, ragged breath and squeeze his eyes tightly shut against the pain he knew was coming. I waited for it, aghast that I was allowing it to happen and helpless to stop it.

His father took him in hand and Leah leaned down, obscuring Jacob's face from me with her long hair as she spoke more words of encouragement. With one quick motion, Jacob's father severed his foreskin away and tossed it into the fire. I saw then, blood, so much blood but the flow was quickly staunched by Jacob's father as he pressed the red, hot blade of the knife against the wound, all around, sealing it and stopping the bleeding. Jacob's head was thrown back against Leah's thighs, his face a mask of sheer agony but he did not scream. He did not unman himself.

I felt faint, like a man drugged, and leaned back against the lodge pole behind me. Jasper patted the back of my hand. I could feel the tremor in his hand as well. I knew he had been just as affected as me but in a different way. I was in love with that boy. He was not. Though it had been bestial to me, I found a kind of rampant beauty in the ceremony, a kind of inner peace now that it was done.

Jacob's father moved aside to clean the knife blade in a bowel of water and then he wrapped the wound in soft, white leather. Leah moved from beneath Jacob, helping him to sit up. His father lifted him and carried him over to his cot, laying him down upon it and covering him with a woven blanket.

I watched as the shaman left the hut. Leah told us that it was to inform the villagers that the rite had been successful. I felt nauseous as I crept over on my knees to Jacob and reached out to take his hand in mine.

"Leah, please tell him that I found his bravery to be most honorable and I am proud of him," I stammered.

She leaned toward him and conveyed to him, my message in whispers. He smiled up at me and squeezed my hand. Leah dabbed at the sweat on his forehead and gave him a drink of one of their fermented concoctions. I resolved to remain with him through the long painful night ahead.

Jasper understood my devotion. He smiled down at Jacob, gave my shoulder an affectionate squeeze and then left us alone in the hut as Leah extinguished all the light save that which came from the central fire that burned in low coals.


	18. Chapter 18

Wild Orchid

Chapter Eighteen

It had been nearly two weeks since the coming of age ceremony. Jacob had been slowly recovering and was now completely healed from that traumatic experience. I could not shake, from my memory, the look of agony I'd seen on his face while it was being done to him. I could not suppress the overwhelming sense of helplessness I'd endured, being unable to take away his pain. I had stayed with him through the night after, held his hand, swabbed the sweat from his forehead and comforted him as he trembled silently on his cot.

I knew I was putting off the inevitable. Both Jasper and I had become restless here. Though the villagers were pleased to continue to host us, I realized that we were coming close to wearing out our welcome. I could not put an exact count to the number of days we had remained here with them but I had been unable to fathom leaving him until I'd known Jacob was well. Now that I had that reassurance, nothing stood in the way of our going home. Jasper, ever the perceptive one, had been giving me the eye all day and I knew he was going to broach the subject.

"Edward, how much longer to you propose to remain here?" he asked, looking up at me over the smoky haze of his cigarette.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, standing it up on end and leaned against the lodge pole of the shaman's hut. I looked out across the expanse of the small, village center with all the little huts circling it. Jacob was kneeling in the dirt with four other young men, playing at some kind of game where they tossed small, wooden blocks into a ring scratched into the dirt.

I could not fathom the rules of the game but Jacob was clearly winning and the other boys were not happy about it. I watched them pushing playfully at each other and laughing in the carefree way of boys but things had changed for Jacob and I could see that, in the way the other boys looked at him. They knew he was now considered an adult and yet he seemed to be still on the cusp of it and not completely in it yet.

I had to wonder what his life would be like after us, Jasper and I, left this place. Would he be married immediately and lose this boyishness that had so endured him to me? I pushed those thoughts away. As I moved to turn back to Jasper, Jacob caught my eye, noticing that I was watching him and gave me a smile. I returned it and waved to him.

"Love, you only make this harder on yourself and on the boy. You know we have to leave and yet you persist in hanging on one more and then one more day. I spoke to Leah last evening and she told me that the rafts men from Tucupita will be here tomorrow to take a load of furs and goods from the village back to the city. They will not come again for almost a month, Edward. We will have to go with them when they leave this place. I don't say this to hurt you, love, I say it because one of us must and clearly you cannot leave him without help."

Jasper clasped my shoulder as he slipped by me and stepped out of the hut. He walked past the playing boys, stopping to fluff his fingers through Jacob's hair, then headed on down toward the river. I watched him walking away until he was gone from my sight then crushed my cigarette against the lodge pole and slipped out myself to find Leah.

She wasn't far away, kneeling in front of a small stream, washing clothes. She stood up and swiped the sweat from her forehead as she turned to me. I cleared my throat and shuffled from foot to foot; trying to form the words I needed to say to her. Finally, I managed to find the man in me and let fly the things I had to declare.

"Leah, Jasper and I will be going back with the rafts men tomorrow and I… I need you to help me say goodbye to him. I need him to know that it will be our last night here and I don't want him to be sad. Can you tell him that for me? Can you tell him that I don't want to leave him…" my voice failed me and I stammered off, fighting the tears that threatened to spill like the heavy, dark clouds overhead.

The air around me was tense, expectant of the afternoon storm. The emotions whirling through me were just as mercurial. My hands shook and the lump in my throat nearly chocked me as I swallowed hard against the well of pain that bubbled up from beneath my breaking heart and tried to stake its claim.

Leah watched me with her somber eyes and said nothing as I recovered my composure as best I could. She glanced behind me at the sound of someone approaching and I knew without turning back that it was him. I felt his big hand on my shoulder and I closed my eyes tightly when he spoke my name. Before I could respond or even turn to face him, Leah began speaking in their rolling language, telling him the things I couldn't say.

He let go of me and moved to stand directly in front of me but I could not raise my eyes to face him at first, fearful of the emotion that would get away from me if I did. As she spoke on, I heard his breathing hitch up and watched him shifting nervously about in front of me. He reached out, quite suddenly and grasped my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. He spoke, his voice strained and tight, deep, husky, the words unknown to me but Leah gave me their meaning.

"He says he knows you must leave but he doesn't want you to go. He asks you to remain here with him," she translated.

"Leah, tell him that I have no choice but to return to my home. It is without its master now and I am wanted there. I don't want to leave him but I must. Tell him… Oh, God, I don't know what to tell him that will make this better!" I cried, reaching out to take his hand in mine.

"Will you write to him, Edward? If I can tell him that he will, at the very least, hear from you in such a manner, perhaps that would make things better. I can translate the letters for him. You can postmark them through the mission in Tucupita and they will send them along to him."

I nodded my head, still unable to speak and she conveyed this to him. He grasped my hand tighter and moved again, I felt his lips brush against mine and looked up in shock that he'd done this right in front of Leah. His big, dark eyes were full of unshed tears. Why did I cause him to cry so often? It was wrong and he was better off without me and my influence. He whispered my name again and pressed his forehead to mine, lifting my hand and placing it against his chest over his beating heart.

"Leah!" I gasped and she understood. She reached out and took Jacob's arm, tugging him back from me and speaking words to him that I could not understand.

I saw the hurt and pain in his eyes, the realization hitting him full on that I truly meant to leave the next morning. He shook his head and shoved away from Leah, then ran off into the jungle. When I moved to go after him, Leah took my arm and held me back.

"No, Edward, let him go, he's hurting and this is his way of dealing with the pain. Let him be alone for now."

Jasper and I packed up all our belongings and placed them in the crates down by the river dock. We were sleeping in the shaman's hut for the last time that night. I'd left out the Victrola and the box of records. Jasper and I had decided to leave those, and the paper lantern for Jacob to have. He knew how to work them and these things still held a fascination for him. I could get another Victrola and more records. I wanted him to have these memories of us, of me.

At nightfall, Jacob had still not returned. Leah didn't seem concerned and neither did the shaman. We ate our last meal with them in the hut. The village women had prepared a marvelous dinner for us and there was music and a kind of celebration as they well-wished us. I smiled when it was appropriate that I should do so but my heart was not in it. I dreaded what I knew would be the long miserable night ahead but I feared even more, the wretched day that would follow.

When Leah extinguished the torches in the hut and we settled for the night, I could feel the ocean of pain climbing up around me. He wasn't going to be there for me to say goodbye in the morning. He was going to hide until I was gone. Perhaps it would be easier that way. It would save us both that agony of parting, that one last glance, that one last touch. I must have let out a sob of pain because I felt Jasper's hand close over mine in the dark and I shifted in my wraps so I could be closer to him. He ran his hand through my hair and tried to soothe me in the darkness but I could not be comforted.

Sometime just before morning, I heard Jacob return. He lifted the mat over the door and slipped inside, going directly to his cot. Though it gave me some comfort to know that he was there and not out in the jungle, I longed to be alone with him one more time. I wished I could speak the words to him that he needed to hear but I could not and that was the torment of it all.

Morning came too quickly for me. I hadn't slept and I was exhausted with my nights grieving. I'd managed to keep silent as the tears flowed but Jasper knew. I was sure that Leah did as well but to her credit she said nothing. We ate a light breakfast with them, Jacob refusing to meet my eyes. He was listless and his expression flat and without emotion. I was sure I looked much the same. I didn't fail to notice that his dark eyes were as red as mine.

Leah came to Jasper and me as we sat on the small porch before the hut. "The men are here and the rafts are being loaded. My father has gifts he wishes to give you and Jasper. Will you come inside and receive them?"

We rose and followed her back into the hut. Jacob was gone again. He'd left just after we ate. I sat down beside the fire with Jasper on my left. The shaman lit a pipe much like the one Jasper and I had smoked with him before we left on the journey. He passed it to us and we again smoked with him. Leah told us that the pipe was for us and it was a gift. After each of us had smoked together, the shaman put it out and wrapped it in soft, white leather then handed it to me. Leah then gave us both bead necklaces that she had made for us and a woven blanket, one for me and one for Jasper. We conveyed to them our thanks and took the gifts down to the river, handing them over to be loaded with the rest of our things.

I turned to look back around the village, desperate for one last sight of him. He wasn't there. I was surprised when Leah climbed onto the raft with us. She said that she wished to accompany us as far as the bend in the river and that she would get off there and return to the village on foot. I was too grief stricken to give it much thought and was only vaguely aware of the sounds of the villagers shouting their goodbye's. The rafts men pushed off and we were away. The huts, people, sounds and smells of the Warao village were left behind in the jungle.

I sat beside Jasper on the raft, my fists clenched, my eyes shut tight. I trembled and shook, like a man in the throes of a fever. We had gone on for sometime and at first I didn't hear Jasper when he softly spoke my name. He touched my hand and got my attention away from my misery.

"Look, my love," he said quietly, gripping my chin and lifting it.

I saw him, Jacob. He stood on a large boulder just at the bend of the river. Leah must have known he would be there, waiting for us. She spoke to the rafts men and asked them to pull up to the bank. I was out and running through the shallow water with no thought to my boots getting wet. Jacob stepped down from the rock and moved to stand behind it, shielding us from the rafts men. Jasper and Leah got out as well and waited, just a little way away from us.

Jacob stood at arms length from me and stared. He neither spoke nor moved and I knew it would have to be me. I closed the distance between us and took him roughly into my arms, clinging to his warm, hard body. I ran my hands over his back, through his hair. I pressed my lips against his and took his mouth in a forceful kiss that stole his breath. I tasted his tears and the blood from his lips, so strong had been the kiss that it broke the skin. Neither of us cared who might be watching. It was goodbye and it was for always.

"Edward!" he cried against my neck, his head heavy on my shoulder, his arms tight around my waist.

I put my hands on his huge biceps and pushed him gently away from me so I could look into his eyes then pulled his forehead against mine, putting my hand on his heart. He reached up and put his on mine. There were no words to speak, nothing to say. It was all very simple really. It was pain and nothing more.

"Edward, is there something you need to say to him?" Leah asked from behind us.

"Tell him that I love him, that I will always love him. Tell him that I will write to him and that I will never forget him. Tell him… tell him…" I couldn't speak further. The tears had taken me and I could barely stand.

I listened as she spoke my words to him, and then felt the vibration of his deep voice against my palm that rested on his chest when he spoke his answer.

"He wants you to know that he does not regret this love and that he will never forget you either. He has something he wishes to give you," she said.

He stepped away from me and reached into the little, leather pouch he wore tied to his waist. He held his hand out toward me and there, lying on his palm, was a small, wolf. He had carved it from wood. I gasped in surprise. There were no wolves in the Amazon. He had seen it on the medallion I wore around my neck. The wolf was the symbol of the Cullen family and had been on our seal. This was what he had been carving as we made our journey to the pyramid. It was the secret he had been keeping. He had made a necklace of it, the chain woven from a very thin link of black, braided hair, his hair. I stood quietly as he tied it around my neck. Overcome with desire, I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair again and then crushed him to me.

We stood like that for some time, just holding and breathing. When I pulled back from him, I took off the medallion around my neck and reaching behind his neck, beneath his hair; I fastened it to him and left that part of me behind for him to have. He reached up and touched it, never taking his eyes from mine. It was time and we both knew it. I felt that ocean of pain once more and I fought to stay afloat in it. I could give way to my grief when I was alone but not here.

We held hands as we walked back down to the raft. Jasper stood with his head down. I could see that he was just as affected as I was. I couldn't imagine how difficult this was for him. I would make this up to him, this pain I'd caused him. I would make it better but not now. As I made a small, uncertain movement toward the raft, Jacob seized my hand once more.

"Quédate conmigo!" he gasped.

"What did he say?" I asked Leah.

"Stay with me," she answered.

I swallowed hard and looked down into those black eyes. "Come with me!" I cried before I could stop the words from spilling out.

Leah translated the words and I could feel the wash of misery take me when the tears spilled down my face.

It was over. I let go his hand, my fingers slipping down his, until there was no touch left for us.

I stepped onto the raft and sat sideways so I could watch as the rafts men pushed away and we moved from the bank, drifting down the river toward Tucupita and civilization.

I watched him, standing there on the bend of the river watching me. Leah put her arms around him and he leaned against her, still watching me. I kept him in my sights as we drifted away from him until he disappeared from view behind the trees. I sank against Jasper and sobbed. I didn't care what the rafts men thought of us. He was gone. Gone from my sight and gone from my touch. I would never look into those eyes again, never hold him close. The ocean of pain took me and I sank.

When we docked several hours later in Tucupita, at the mission, I was a man numb to everything but my misery. Jasper handled the unloading of our luggage and talked with the priest who came down to greet us. I barely spoke as our things were put into a horse-drawn tram and we climbed in. I didn't hear the city around me, I didn't notice if I was spoken to. Jasper spoke for me and when we reached the hotel, he paid the desk clerk and secured a suite of rooms for us.

He put his arm around me, led me up the stairs and then we were finally alone. I sat dejectedly on the side of the bed and looked up at him.

"How can you stand it, being with me?" I asked.

"I love you, Edward. I have told you this before. I understand you better than you understand yourself. I'm here for you, love. I will help you through this. Let me comfort you."

He undressed quietly in the afternoon light and drew me down into the soft bed with him. I let him undress me. He kissed away my tears. When he pulled me on top of him and made it clear that he desired me to love him, I gave him what he wanted. When I sank into his tight, hot body, I shuddered with the pleasure of it and hated that my enjoyment of this, my lover, was stepped with grief. I refused to think about Jacob as I loved Jasper. I refused to let his face, his eyes, enter my thoughts.

When we lay together after it was done, I let the tears come once more. Jasper slept. I lay awake, listening to the street music and tormenting myself with the knowledge that I was still close enough to reach Jacob if I wanted to. I could pay someone to take me back up the river to him. It wasn't too late but I knew those thoughts were foolish.

That part of my life was over. Cullenwood waited for its master and I would have to leave him, that young, wild, native prince, here in the Amazon where he could run free. I would have to let him go. I remembered the spirit boy from the pyramid and his warning to me. I had done as he asked. It was finished. As I drifted off to sleep, Jasper in my arms, I wondered if I would ever be able to dream again without seeing him.

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to get this posted. I'm currently without my laptop and having to write from work. For those who are batting for Jacob, don't despair. His part in the story is not yet over! (Winks at Jberi)


	19. Chapter 19

Wild Orchid

Chapter Nineteen

We sat together on the plane, Jasper and me, our hands clasped tightly. I watched through the dusty window as we took off, climbing into the clouds and leaving Tucuipta, the Amazon, and the beautiful, native boy who haunted my dreams, behind. I couldn't tear my eyes from the scenery below until we were out and over the water of the Atlantic, the lush greenery of the jungle fading away below us. I leaned over against Jasper and closed my eyes tightly. My heart was lurching and I wanted to beg the pilot to take us back but that chapter of my life was closed. I would have to learn to move on. Jasper was with me and now it was time to resume our story.

He had been more than patient with me on this strange and adventurous journey. We'd gone to the Amazon to return the idol but so much had happened. We'd both grown and changed. Jasper had found the man within him and that was a good thing. I'd begun to heal from the trauma of my past and had learned to do it with the help of an innocent boy. I was thankful that I'd done no more with him than I had. Perhaps he could go on and recover. Maybe it would be a good thing that he'd met me. I could only hope so.

Jasper dozed off and on during the 12 hour flight. When we landed in France, it was dark and we were both weary. We booked rooms in the same hotel we'd stayed at before we left and I placed a call to Cullenwood to speak with Charlie Swan. When he answered and realized it was me, he nearly burst into tears. There had been no way to contact home and no way to get a message through. Jasper and I had been gone for a little over a month and my friends and remaining family had been frantic, all that time, for some news. Charlie assured me that he would let everyone know that Jasper and I would be headed home in the morning.

I secured a driver who was willing to take us north the next day and then returned to our suite of rooms and to Jasper, my long suffering but patient lover. We'd made good use of the hotel room when last we'd stayed here. I hoped that maybe we could do the same and perhaps it would be a start toward putting my life back on track. I still felt the miserable aching, searing need for Jacob but I had the sense to realize that with the passing of time, that too would fade a bit, until it became only a background noise that would resurface from time to time to cause me grief. I could live with that.

Jasper was in the bath. I could hear the radio playing softly and I slipped inside the rooms and closed the door, locking it behind me. I'd procured a bottle of wine and two glasses and I sat them on the side table as I reached for the cuffs of my shirt, unbuttoning them, and then beginning with the buttons at the collar. As I slipped the shirt from my shoulders, I chanced to catch my reflection in the mirror and a fresh surge of pain washed over me when I saw the necklace he'd made for me still hanging around my neck. The carved wolf strung on a braided length of his black hair. My hand strayed up to touch it and I swallowed hard, lifting it up to see if I could still smell his scent on it.

"Damn it!" I cursed under my breath as I reached up and took it from around my neck. I ran my fingers over the braid, the little carving and then I put it safely in my overnight bag. When I got back to Cullenwood I would put it and everything they had given us, into the safe where the idol had stayed. I wanted nothing in plain sight that would call back Jacob's memory for me. If I had any hope whatsoever of healing and moving on from this, then that was how it had to be.

I could hear Jasper moving about in the bathroom and I wanted to make that night special for him. I popped the cork on the bottle of wine and poured us each a glass, then took the glasses over to the bed and set them down on the bedside table. I sat down and removed my boots and then stood again to rid myself of my breeches. I'd bathed that morning at Tucupita and it would have to do for now. Jasper was coming into the room. I waited for him, naked beneath the thick, soft comforters of a real bed in a nice hotel. It seemed almost sinful to be so comfortable after the long month of sleeping on the cots or on the floor of a hut. I tried to force those thoughts from my mind. I would not linger over them a moment more.

As my love opened the door to enter the room, he paused and raised his hand to his forehead, then began to cough uncontrollably. I sat up and stared at him with concern.

"Jasper, love, are you alright?" I asked.

After a moment, he shook his head to clear it then smiled at me, his beautiful, green eyes catching the light from the candles I'd lit earlier.

"Yes, Edward, I just got overcome by all the steam. What's this?" he asked, noticing the glasses of wine.

"I thought we might celebrate our return to civilized parts," I answered, smiling up at him as he walked toward me.

When he came closer I reached up and grabbed him by the sleeve of his robe, pulling him down into the bed with me and reaching over to hand him a glass of wine. He snuggled against me, discovering my state of undress as he did so.

"Why Edward, you seem to have lost your clothes?" Did you leave them on the plane?" he teased.

"No, love, they are all over the floor," I gestured.

He sat up against the headboard of the bed and sipped his wine thoughtfully. I recognized the look on his face as his more serious expression and I sincerely hoped he wouldn't want to talk just yet. I couldn't take it. I needed some time to let the grief heal before I could face what Jasper would need to say but perhaps it might be better to just get it all out now and have it done before we reached Cullenwood. He would make that decision for us.

"Edward, I have tried to tell myself that I didn't care how you felt about Jacob and to a certain extent that is true but… I know you never meant to hurt me with your infatuation of him. At first I thought it was just a sexual desire you were feeling for him, wanting his innocence, driven by his sensuality but I know now, watching you say goodbye to him, that it was so much more than that. I was able to take it up to that last day. It broke my heart to see you so sad and I almost told you to stay with him. You can't tell me you aren't grieving for him even now. I can see the sadness in your eyes, Edward. I know you propose to put it all behind you and maybe you can but you must realize that things have changed between us. I will always love you and I know that you still love me but that boyish innocence we had… its gone and it will never be back."

I sighed and slid my hand along his arm where it rested beside mine. "Do you wish to be free of me, Jasper?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Never, my love, never think it! But I will tell you this. I allowed you to wallow in your pleasure with him but I will never condescend to let another man touch you for so long as I live without one hell of a fight from me! Jacob was different and I don't for the love of me know why he was, but he was. I couldn't hurt him anymore than I could be angry with you but I won't stand for anymore such blatant disregard for our love and my heart. I love you, Edward. If you pine for him I understand it but promise me that you will never ever touch another man as long as I live."

"I swear it love!" I cried and meant every word. He reached for my wine glass and set it, along with his, on the bedside table.

"If you love me, then love me, Edward!" he whispered with rough urgency against my mouth as he kissed me hard and with meaning.

I allowed him to devour my mouth and gave way to the shaking tears that had been trying to get free. He kissed them away and hushed me with his soft caresses. "I'm here for you, my darling," he said. "Make use of me as you would have done to him if I'd let you, if you'd been able to."

I grabbed Jasper and rolled him beneath me, tearing at his robe and forcing his legs apart with mine. I was a man possessed and I had to have him. It wasn't as it he didn't matter to me or that he counted for nothing, no never that! I simply had to have him, desired him too much. I thought that if I could take him hard and with the abandon I felt, that perhaps we would be all right. If only… if only… I pushed those painful thoughts aside and reached for my overnight bag and the bottle of oil within it.

When my fingers brushed over the silky braid of Jacob's hair I bit down on my cry of despair and pushed it aside seeking the small vial of oil. Finding it at last, I opened it and poured a goodly amount into the palm of my hand. I coated my ever eager cock with it, and then pressed two fingers into my love to ready him for the intrusion. His eyes went wide with the invasion, then his mouth opened and his head drifted back against the pillows, his beautiful face flushing with the arousal he felt as my questing fingers discovered his pleasure.

He bucked up against me and I had to restrain him with my free hand lest he reach his pinnacle too quickly. I moved to lie over him and reached for his legs, wrapping them around my waist. He was quick to comply and pulled at me with them as I sank into that hot, tight depth that was my lover.

"God, so good to me, so good… I breathed against his neck as I hovered over him, keeping my wall up against the pain, against the misery and rolling in the molten desire that swept over me as I took him. He was letting me ride him hard and roughly as he'd never before wanted. I watched his face as he clung to me, desiring it, desiring me. So beautiful, so perfect, this saint of a man who lay beneath me; this angel sent to save my wretched and sinful soul. I am a devil and he deserves better than me. I knew it and yet he didn't.

Over and over I thrust into him and he moved upward to meet those thrusts, his eyes glazed over with lust, his mouth open and gasping, moaning his pleasure. "So beautiful… so beautiful… I am not worthy of you, my love…" I cried.

"Edward," he whispered. I felt him coming around me, milking my orgasm from me almost against my will as I'd wanted the pleasure to go on and on. Only with him, only with him did I know this intensity of love. I'd never gone that far with Jacob. I'd wanted to but I'd not and only Jasper had that claim on me, on my heart.

His fingers were stroking through my hair as we lay together. Tomorrow night we would sleep in my bed at Cullenwood. I could begin again where my life had left off. I could try and put together the pieces of my shattered existence and begin again. He was gone beyond my reach, that seductively innocent temptation, he was safe from me and I from him. I could not change his life and he could not change mine. I snuggled closer to Jasper and kept repeating those words over and over until sleep stole over me and I remembered nothing more, save the pair of dark eyes that watched me from the lush jungle and the long, dark hair that I could still feel twining through my fingers as I drifted away into restless dreams.


	20. Chapter 20

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty

I sat in the rose garden watching the rising sun and sipping my tea. Jasper and I had been home for almost three months. It seemed surreal at times, to be sitting there, the proper English gentleman, when I had so recently been in the wilds of the Amazon. I sighed and pushed those trepid thoughts away. It did no good to anyone to dwell on the past. I had nothing but the future before me and I had beside me, the one, true love of my life.

The first week I had been home, had passed by so quickly. My younger brother Emmett and his wife Rosalie, along with their lovely daughter Alice, had come to visit us. They had remained for several days, looking at the things we'd brought back with us and admiring the souvenirs of our journey, while we told them the tale of it over and over. Oh course, I kept back the parts of the trip that were more personal to me. I found that I could barely speak of Jacob at all without becoming emotional and therefore I chose to avoid that topic, allowing Jasper to take up the narrative when necessary.

I had begun to gradually drift away into myself, giving over the task of entertaining to Jasper. He was a natural at keeping guests happy. I, on the other hand, wanted silence and seclusion. Taking out the gifts that the natives had given us, to show them to Emmett and his family had reopened the wounds that never really closed.

I was alone that morning, completely alone at Cullenwood. Jasper's father had come to London on business and Jasper had gone by motorcar with Charlie Swan as his driver, to meet his father for luncheon. I had declined the invitation to join him. It had been over a month since I'd sent a letter to Jacob via the Capuchin monastery at Tucupita. I had become nearly desperate to hear from Leah. Even a small, curt note to tell me that they had received my correspondence would have sufficed. Days passed and nothing came for me.

That morning as I sat soaking up the sunshine and waiting on Jasper to return to me, I was consumed by a kind of melancholy. What if Jacob had already forgotten me? Suppose he had chosen to go on with his life as though I had never existed in it? I knew that he would be better for it if he did so but I knew also, that I would persist in sending correspondence until I got at least some response. The voice Bella Swan calling my name got my attention and I sat my cup of tea aside and cleared my throat.

"Here young lady," I called to her as she searched among the roses and flowering bushes of my mother's garden for me.

"Ah, Lord Cullen, you hide yourself away so well! I have something for you, good sir! A package it is!" she cried as she came forward and placed into my hands a small, box wrapped in brown paper. The return address was the monastery at Tucupita.

I stood up so quickly that I nearly upset her. "Bella, would you be so kind as to take my cup and saucer inside for me, please and bring me some fresh tea would you dear?"

"Yes, my Lord, of course I will!" she called enthusiastically after my retreating form.

I needed the solitude of my room to open the package. I hoped and prayed that it wasn't simply my own letter being returned to me. I'd sent a similar box to Leah and Jacob. I'd placed a carefully sealed tin of candy sticks and a box of small, metal toys that could be worked by the turning of a dial on their side into a little crate and sent those things along with my letter. For Leah, I'd included a bottle of Channel perfume.

I tore into the package with abandon, tossing the wrapper aside and staring at the box as if it were a snake about to strike me. I took my pocket knife and slit the wax seal, opening the top of the box. Inside, the contents were hidden by a piece of soft leather that had been draped carefully over all. I lifted it and set it aside. On top was a folded piece of parchment paper. I took it up into my hands and opened it.

_Edward_

_Jacob was so pleased to get your package. I must regret to inform you, however, that he made himself very sick eating all of the candy sticks in one day. The boy really has no sense of restraint at all as I'm sure you know very well. He has been having great fun playing with the toys you sent to him. They amaze the smaller children so much that they now view Jacob in a kind of idolatrous manner. I'm sure that was your intent, wasn't it?_

_ I must thank you for the gift of fine perfume. I will be taking it with me to Caracas when I return to university in the fall. Don't despair for correspondence, however. I have been teaching Jacob to speak and write English and I think that by then, he will have a good enough grasp on it that he will be able to write you rudimentary letters. The monks at Tucupita have offered to translate your letters for him and to help him write back to you when I am away. I wanted to teach him to speak with you so that he could have a sense of privacy with the things he wished to say. I know that the two of you would benefit from such communication. There is only so much that one can say on matters of the heart when one is forced to speak those words through another person. _

_I hope this letter finds you and Jasper well and in good spirits. To answer your question, yes, Jacob did grieve for quite some time but to his credit, he kept it mostly to himself. He is better now. You know the young, Edward, their minds shift quickly from one thing to another. Father has begun to look among the young women for a suitable wife for Jacob. I have given my advice on the subject. I think that my brother deserves only the best and I hope my father takes my advice to heart when he chooses. Beauty is only skin deep and I would choose a girl that will honor him and be true to him, support him in his work and duties, love him in the darkness when the day is done, but the decision is not mine, it is our father's._

_ I will close now and leave you with this, I will be able to write one more letter before I leave but remember, the monks will most likely be reading anything further that you send, so keep that in mind when you put pen to paper and say nothing that will scandalize Jacob or I will hunt you down and castrate you! Jacob wishes me to tell you that he misses you and Jasper. He also wants me to brag that he won all the races at our tribe's annual, harvest celebration. He was quite proud of himself. I must admit, I was proud of him too. He is the most handsome and strongest of all the boys though I may be impartial in my judgment. He grows taller and bigger every day. If he doesn't slow soon, father will needs must put a rock on his head! Be well and may God bless you and yours._

The letter was signed by Leah, and beneath her flowing signature, was a scratched impression of Jacob's name. She was truly teaching him how to read and write English. I felt hope swell in my chest that perhaps someday he and I could communicate together without a third party. That would have been the best gift that anyone could ever have given me. I sat the letter aside and looked back into the box. Under the letter was a small, white, leather pouch decorated with lovely bead work. It was a snuff pouch. I smiled and tucked it away into the pocket of my shirt. Beneath it, wrapped in soft leather, was a gift for Jasper, a dried Sobralia Orchid, and this one a deep blue. I laid it aside for him. On the very bottom, wrapped in a layer of packing paper was something that I had not been expecting or prepared to see.

My hands shook violently when I was faced with the vision before me. It was a small, black and white photograph that had been taken in front of the monastery. The picture was Jacob and Leah, standing together before the large, double doors carved with scenes from the Bible. Leah had her arm around Jacob and she smiled. Jacob towered over her, his head tilted toward her, a small, almost sad smile playing on his handsome face. The picture was dated to nearly a month earlier. I crushed it to my chest and struggled to breathe. Was it not enough that I had, locked within the very vault that had held the cursed idol, a lock of his hair, braided to hold the wolf he had carved for me? I now had his image before me to stare at; him, frozen in the perfection of his youth, the visage of a jungle prince in black and white, forever there for me to look at, for me to worship.

I allowed myself to study his image for quite some time, and then I got up and put the picture in the vault with the necklace. I left the other things on the table for Jasper to see, the letter and his orchid and I stepped out onto the balcony to smoke. I would send back to them, a letter of course and more candy for Jacob. I would send them also, a picture of Jasper and me. I would have Charlie take one of us in front of Cullenwood, perhaps posing on the great, front steps that lead up to the entryway. Yes, that would be a good one to send them. I wanted Jacob to see that I was happy. It might help him to move on, or mayhap it was more for me, I knew not.

That evening, when I was expecting Jasper home, Bella informed me that there was a call for me and I had her put it to my study. Locking myself in, I lifted the receiver and said hello.

"Edward, love, my father is staying at the Savoy hotel and he is asking that I remain here with him tonight since he hasn't seen me for so long. My mother and sisters will be joining us tomorrow. I would dearly love to see them all, Edward. Love, will it be alright with you if I stay in London for a few days with my family? You can come and join us of course if you like?" he offered.

"No, Jasper, you stay and enjoy them. You hardly ever see them. Take all the time you need. Just spare me a moment of your day at a convenient point to call and let me know how you are. How long will your family be in town? Would you like to bring them out to Cullenwood?" I asked.

"Oh, for only a week, Edward and no, I don't think that mother will want to leave the hotel. She rather enjoys the city life, I think. Will you be alright without me, love?"

"Yes, Jasper, I will be fine. Would you do something for me, love?" I asked.

"Oh, of course, what would you like me to do?"

"Fetch some film for Charlie's camera while you are there. I want him to take some shots of us in front of Cullenwood. Leah sent a letter and there is a fine picture of her and her brother in front of the monastery. I thought they would like to have a shot of us as well."

Jasper was silent for a moment. "Her brother? Can you not even bring yourself to speak his name, Edward?" he asked quietly.

"No, not yet, love. Don't chide me about it, please," I begged.

"As you will, Edward, as you will. I'll get the film. Anything else?" he asked.

"Yes, some more candy and pick something nice for Leah, for them both. You choose love, Oh, I nearly forgot! He sent you another Sobralia. This one is a lovely, dark blue."

"Splendid! I can't wait to see it! Put it in the book with the other one so it doesn't get disturbed, will you love?"

"Yes, of course. Jasper, please be careful and come back as soon as you can," I said.

"I love you too, Edward." I could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

"I didn't know if you were alone to say it to me, you brute! And yes, I love you! Now go and behave yourself if you are able!"

Cullenwood, a week alone with only his ghostly image in the photo for company, only the fragrance of him locked into the braid of hair, only the memory of his touch on my body, his warmth, without the comfort of my Jasper to ease my longing. I sat down at the desk to pen my letter to Leah and Jacob. I knew exactly what it was that I wanted to say and I knew I had best say it now before Leah left.

I hoped Jasper would have no trouble finding a suitable gift for them both. I wanted to send more records for the Victrola and enough candy to make Jacob ill for days. Perhaps a pretty dress for Leah, maybe some shoes to match? So many things we could send them, so many ways to show our love. I wrote for nearly an hour, striking out and changing my prose, then re-copying the final letter on Cullenwood stationary and laying it aside to seal in the box that I would postmark to them.

I called for Charlie to help me get ready for bed, declining supper in favor of the comfort of the darkness. I sank into the pillows alone and gave over to daydreams of dark skin and dark eyes, soft lips and fading innocence, regret and despair over my betrayal of them both, the one I loved and the one who loved me.

"God, I… how can I… I am worthy of this pain!" I gasped against Jasper's pillow.

I'd said it to myself, to the room, to anyone who would listen. The one I loved… and the one who loved me…

"I am the lowest kind of scum!" I whispered as the tears began to roll. I'd said it to myself, the one person who would not believe.

You can love two people but you will only be in love with one of them. I knew which one it was. Jasper knew. I closed my eyes and tried to block it all away but it was useless. At last I rose, lit a candle and took his picture out of the vault. I sat naked on my bed and stared at his dark eyes, drank in the vision of him and longed and burned and desired. My heart was devious, my thoughts impure. I laid the photo aside on the bedside table and reached for my swollen member. As I lay there stroking my hardness, aching as it filled and stretched in my palm, I began to rock into my own hand, imagining it was him that I took, claimed, possessed. I found only the quick, empty pleasure of physical release, not the emotional fulfillment I longed for.

"Jacob!" I cried into the empty room as I spilled into my hand. But of course, there was no reply, only silence, only darkness and the bitter emptiness of my traitorous soul.


	21. Chapter 21

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty-One

And so the summer months passed into autumn without incident as I gradually came back to a semblance of my former self. Jasper was the rock that I leaned upon and with him at my side; it was easier to deal with the absence of Jacob in my life. I longed for the letters from Tucupita just the same, however and when one arrived it was a bright spot in my day. Jacob, conversing with me through the assistance of the Capuchin monks, was keeping his letters friendly with no trace of our former affection. Though his grasp of the English language was improving with each passing day, I knew it would be a while before he could write to me on his own. I longed for that day.

I had tried to put away my shameful feelings for him. I knew nothing would ever come of it and as a broken heart takes time to heal, so did mine. I would never have been able to do it if not for Jasper. There were still many things that I needed to say to Jacob, many doors left open that needed to be closed but I could not do so until he no longer depended upon the monks for translation. Leah's warning resounded in my head every time I entertained the idea of simply saying what I needed to say and sending it to him. I didn't want anyone to judge him harshly for what I'd caused to happen between us.

Jasper and I had traveled by motorcar to visit the local county fair that afternoon and spent an enjoyable day looking at the livestock, eating all sorts of interesting and terribly unhealthy treats. We'd ridden the Ferris wheel several times and even taken a spin on the merry go round. Ah, the rides were always my favorite when I was a child. I watched Jasper, laughing and smiling at the young children as they vied for their turn.

He and I had grown up in a world of wonders, a world that Jacob would never know. What would he have thought of these rides? Would he have wanted to go on them? Oh course he would have! I pushed the image of him on the merry go round out of my head and took Jasper's hand.

It had been a long but fulfilling day and we'd returned to Cullenwood exhausted, falling into bed together still dressed but we did not remain that way for long. Sometime around midnight, Jasper awakened me with a coughing spell that threw me into great concern for him. These spells were occurring with more and more frequency and lasting longer when they came.

"Love, we must get you to a doctor to have this checked upon. I don't like the way you sound. You know you've been feeling poorly for a long while now. There is no sense in putting it off any longer. We'll get some medicine for you and stop this nonsense," I urged.

"Edward, I tell you, there is no need. I've had this cough for years and I've dealt with it just fine. Leave it!"

I watched, perplexed, as he shoved past me and went through the double doors into his room. When Jasper had moved into Cullenwood with me, we'd taken a suite of rooms that attached to each other with doors between. It was only to keep up the ruse that we were just good friends. Each morning Jasper would rise before me and muss up the blankets in the bed in his room before coming back to me. In this manner we continued to keep Charlie and Isabella in the dark as to the true nature of our liaisons. I suspected that Charlie had known all along though he never let on that he did.

I pushed open the door and followed Jasper into his room, taking him in my arms from behind. "Don't push me away, love. You are all I have and the only thing that makes me happy…"

"Don't stand here and say things like that to me! The only thing that makes you happy is the letters that come from Tucupita! I'm a pale substitute for the dark skinned and black- eyed one you dream about at night when you hold me! I hear you call for him in your sleep! I feel you rubbing against me and moaning his name as you do it! How do you think that makes me feel? I know what I am to you! I'm just the one you hold to keep you from losing your mind! Damn it all, Edward! I'm not a crutch! I saved your life, his life! Why can't you put him behind you?"

Jasper pushed away from me and stumbled over to the bed, holding his handkerchief to his face as another coughing fit took him. When I moved to sit beside him, he turned away from me, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. I took him in my arms again and felt the fever burning in his skin.

"Love, you are ill. Please let me call for the doctor…"

"Damn the doctors! They will want to put me away in a sanatorium and I won't' go! I'll go back to Texas and die on my own soil before I'll ever let anyone lock me away, you included!"

"Jasper, I would never…"

"You mean to say that if a doctor told you to put me in a sanatorium to keep you and your family safe that you wouldn't do it?" he asked, his green eyes flashing at me.

"No, I wouldn't put you away, love, never would I do it!" I vowed as I pulled him close and ran my fingers through his golden curls. "I'd never let anyone take you away from me."

"No, because without me to hold you up, you would fall and drown in despair, wouldn't you, Lord Cullen," he spit venomously.

"Damn it, Jasper, what do you want me to say? How can I make this better? What do you want from me? Say the words and I will do it!" I promised as I took his face in my hands.

"Remember you said that when I speak the words you are asking me to say," he whispered as he pulled away from me. "If you love me at all and want to do right by me, then this is what I ask of you. Send Jacob one more letter and tell him that it will be the last one he receives. Instruct him not to write to you anymore and for good measure, write one to the monks as well and tell them not to forward any more mail from him. It's time to end this foolishness that keeps him in your heart. I thought I could deal with it but I cannot. End it with him or end it with me. One or the other I will not play second fiddle to him any longer. I want you to get rid of the things he sent you. Throw away all the memories of him that you keep in the vault. Edward, you must decide which of us it is that you love and you must abide by that decision. Do not make it lightly, love."

I stood up and stared at him as if he were a total stranger, this love of mine. Anger flared up in me and I was sorely tempted to strike him. I clenched my fists and stormed out of the room, pacing about in my suite like a caged animal. I could not do as he asked. I could not destroy all the memories I had of Jacob. I could not put the picture, the necklace he'd made for me into the fire. It wasn't possible. I sank down on the floor in front of the fireplace with my head in my hands and gave over to weeping. I was not a strong man. I'd always known it, my whole life. My father had known it. Jasper knew it. He was so much stronger than I was.

It seemed like an eternity that I lay there on the rug, watching the flames licking away at the burning wood. It felt like the embers of my life were there, crumbling away to ash before me and nothing I could do would stop it. I felt a hand resting softly on my shoulder and Jasper's lips brushed against the tears on my face.

"Edward, do you love me?" he asked.

"You know I do, love," I answered.

"Then let him go. There is no other way we can continue together. I love you and you know that. Just stop this dragging on of it. He will never move forward if you don't."

"Jasper, how is my writing to him dragging it on? Do you honestly think that I can just stop writing to him and things will be better? If you say that I dream about him at night do you think that will just go away?" I cried as I sat up and turned to face him.

"I will never be able to make you understand this. I can't explain it myself but I swear to you, I love you and I chose you and I am not with him, I am with you but I will not be pushed into a corner where I must make the decision to damn myself to a lonely existence without you and without him as well because I can never have him. You say that you love me, then love me and accept that things are as they are. I will not go back to him. You've read the letters I send. They speak nothing of the love we shared. They are friendly and platonic. That is how they will remain. Stop this senseless jealousy of him!"

I reached out and grabbed Jasper, pulling him tight against me. The anger between us serving to fuel my arousal. It always did so to me. He tried to push against me but his efforts were futile. Sexual tension born out of anger always seemed to hold the greatest potential for explosive pleasure and I never knew why it was so.

"Damn you, Edward!" he cried, pushing at me with both hands as I struggled backward toward the bed with him. We fought like wild men as we tangled in the sheets, each trying to get the upper hand.

At last I subdued him beneath me and began to work my craft against him, trailing my mouth down his neck and over his collarbone. I nipped at the sensitive skin and ground my arousal against his hip with abandon. I was aware that I growled like and animal but I could do nothing to stop it. He responded with sounds that were much the like. Though he struggled still, beneath me, I knew he was just as aroused as I was. Nothing, not even black anger could destroy that for us.

"Love, you crush me!" he gasped.

I rolled a little off of him and he took advantage of the situation to drive his knee toward my groin. I was aware of his play, however and moved quickly away, pinning him beneath me once more.

"So, you would try to injure me in the very place you want your pleasure to come from! Jasper, I'm shocked at you!" I said in my deepest, most husky voice.

He shuddered perceptively beneath me and pushed up against me with his unmasked desire. "You are the devil!" he shouted.

"I am beginning to believe that very thing!" I replied.

I moved to the side of him once more and began to tear at his clothes. He lay there as I roughly undressed him and then remained motionless; watching me with lidded eyes as I nearly ripped the seams of my own garments in the effort to rid myself of them. He did not make any movement toward me at all until I rolled myself onto him again and forced his legs apart with my knees.

"Want you!" I growled against his ear. "Do you want me, love?"

"You know I do," he answered. "And I am damned because of that want."

"No, I am the one who is damned." I took his mouth hard and tasted his blood with the kiss. I cared not. He was mine. I wasn't going to be made to choose between them. It was never a choice. Jasper was with me. Jacob was not. I could have Jasper. I could never have Jacob. Jasper's anger would not drive me away from the memories I carried.

"Tell me that you want me," I begged him.

"Why must you hear it?" he cried as I twisted his nipples cruelly between my fingers and listened for the moans of pleasure that such torture always caused.

"Because I am a greedy, selfish man who must have everything he wants, now give it to me!" I ordered.

"Yes, I want you, always you, only you!" he cried.

I worked him with my mouth, nipping and biting at sensitive skin as I quested down over his sculpted torso, stopping to dip my tongue into his navel. He shifted his hips up against me and I obliged him by wrapping my hand around his straining shaft and giving it several hard pumps before taking it into my mouth.

"Lord, God!" he gasped, clutching at the sides of my head.

"Yes, I will be your savior!" I answered, and then resumed my rhythm.

He bucked like an animal, so great was his need. I allowed it, gave him the freedom to move as he took my mouth and I held still, allowing him the movement. It was sweet bliss and it was consummation. When I felt the hot, salty liquid strike the back of my throat, I knew that I had his surrender. He would not leave me. I held him so close after it was done; listening to his slow, steady breathing. Night surrounded us and we were alone.

Hours later I lay awake wondering if he had been right. Should I get rid of the things I'd kept in the safe and stop writing letters to Jacob? It pained me to think of it and I turned over, drawing my knees up to my chest and trying to come to a solution in my troubled mind.

_He lay on the sandy floor of the cave, his head supported on the crook of one bent arm that was thrown behind him. His other hand trailed down over his chest, across his flat, tight, little belly. He untied his loin cloth and tossed it aside, reaching for his straining cock and stroking it softly, easily, not wanting to hurry, not wanting to bring the pleasure too quickly. He looked up at me with those dark eyes, heavy lidded with lust. He called my name. I moved close and knelt beside him, taking his face in my hands. I brushed his full lips with mine and opened to him as his tongue quested for entry. The kiss deepened and I felt my breath catch in my chest. His arms were around me, his scent all over me. "Jacob" I whispered against his mouth and he moaned back into mine. We rolled against each other on the floor of the cave and I moved to kneel over him, watching as he pleasured himself, his breathing hitching up, and sweat covering his dark skin. The scent of his arousal hung heavy in the air and mixed with my own. I wanted, he wanted, I needed him, had to have him…_

_I was naked and covering his young, hard body with my own. I was pushing at his thighs, forcing them apart, wanting, wanting… His hands grabbing at my shoulders, his mouth closing on my neck, sucking hard, Jasper would see the marks… "Need you," I cried as I tried to rock against him. He pulled away, questions in his eyes, he didn't understand, he didn't know what I wanted of him. "Want this, want you!" I slid my hand up the inside of his muscular thigh, pressing my fingers against his tight opening, willing him to relax for me but when I pressed my finger inside him, he cried out and pushed at me, fear, confusion playing on his face._

"_Give it to me!" I cried, trying to hold him still, trying to make him surrender to me._

_He shoved me away and stood up, grabbing his loin cloth. I tried to grab him, tried to pull him back down, wanted and needed and had to have him. He ran away, I chased him, down to the falls, trapping him between a large rock and the water._

"_Jacob!" I screamed. "Don't run from me!"_

"_Don't!" he cried when I tried to take him in my arms. He shifted away and dived into the water. I watched him disappear beneath the lapping current and only the moonlight remained to grace the surface of the water._

_Lost to me… gone… he was not mine to have…_

I woke with the striking of the hallway clock on the hour of three. Jasper slept beside me, heavy in the bed. He had not heard me crying out. I climbed carefully out of the bed and padded over to my desk. Taking paper and pen, I composed a letter to Jacob.

My dear friend,

This will be the last letter you will receive from me. I fear that the preoccupation with the western world that you have is bad for you. Your father will need you to be concentrating on your duties to your tribe and to your future wife, whoever she may be. It is only making things worse for you to continue to write to me.

You know that I care deeply for you and that I want only the very best that the world can give to you. I wish that it need not be this way but forces beyond my control have declared it so and I must let you go. Know that I will always think of you fondly and that I will never ever forget you my young friend. I would ask that you try to forget me, however. I fear that my influence on you was negative and I want it to end now so that you may grow up pure. Please forgive me for any hurt that I caused you.

Sincerely, Lord Edward Cullen

I sealed the letter and laid it aside, then pushed back the chair and walked over to the safe. I worked the combination and removed the treasures that were held within. I sat before the fireplace and ran my fingers over the lock of his hair that held the carved wolf necklace. I looked at the photograph of him and Leah; I touched the bead necklaces and ran my hand over the woven blankets and the wooden pipe. All of it must go as I could have no memories of him to awaken that pain once I cast it away. This was the end of it. I wanted the misery to end and I knew no other way to end it. The dream had been the unspoken fulfillment of that fantasy. It had ended just the way it would have done if I'd pressed for more when I'd been with him. It was the goad I needed to make me cut the tie.

"Goodbye Jacob," I whispered as I held the necklace in my hands one last time.


	22. Chapter 22

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty-Two

Almost a year had passed since we'd returned from the Amazon. A year since I'd heard his voice or touched his face. If I said I didn't miss him, I lied. When I promised Jasper that I was fine and that I didn't need to write to him or Leah, I was just saying the words that he wanted to hear. It was not as if I didn't love him, my Jasper, it was never that but our love had changed. Of that, I had no doubt.

Spring was upon us at Cullenwood. Charlie had been occupied with rejuvenating the extensive gardens and landscaping. Young Bella had been busy herself, as she was now being courted by a handsome, young man from the village; James was his name. His father was a shipbuilder by trade and James seemed inclined to follow in his father's footsteps. Bella would be well taken care of and Charlie was pleased with her choice.

Jasper had been doing much better. Winter had been a bit difficult for him and he had struggled with his cough off and on during the cold days and long, dark nights. There was some truth in saying that we had grown closer in that grey season. I'd relied on him to ease my pain and to keep me busy so that I would not think of Jacob. I'd received a letter from Father Dawes, asking me why I felt the need to discontinue my communication. I'd not answered him. Leah had sent a letter to me from Caracas asking me the same question in less than pleasant terms.

I'd sent her a reply stating that I thought my communication with the boy was taking his mind off things that he should be thinking of. I told her that I was having difficulty disconnecting as I should and that Jasper was not inclined to tolerate any further continuance of it. She did not reply. I spent many nights weeping into my pillow with longing for him. I wondered if he was well, if he was happy. I thought of him every day, his memory would come to me at times unbidden, especially when I was alone.

I was alone on that weary day. I lay in the big bed that Jasper and I shared in my suite of rooms. A week before, Jasper and I had been riding in the fields, enjoying a warm afternoon when it happened. My horse, a spirited gelding named "Midsummer Night's Dream", had miss-stepped while in a dead gallop and thrown me over the saddle. When I landed, my right leg twisted beneath me, snapping the thigh bone just above my knee. Though the doctors had set the fracture without any difficulty, they had feared that I would always walk with a limp due to the nature of the break. I might have cared in other circumstances but so melancholy had I been of late, that it made no difference to me.

I was to become the lonely and perpetual bachelor that I'd noticed in the cathedrals and streets of London; wealthy men of means who simply didn't trust anyone enough to find love. Or perhaps they were like me and carried on a clandestine relationship beyond the eyes of others who might judge. Who was I to say? Jasper had been with me during my convalescence but he'd left to go to Easter Mass with Charlie and Bella. I could not leave the bed without assistance but Jasper had been kind enough to provide me with plenty of reading materials before heading off.

I found nothing in the stack of literature he'd chosen that piqued my interest. Lying on the bedside table was his big book of botany. I took it up and laid it across my lap. Within the pages of the book, Jasper had pressed the two Sobralia Orchids that Jacob had procured for him. I found them, together, in the middle of the volume, wrapped in tissue paper. I took them out carefully lest I damage the precious and rare flowers. Holding the black one in my hand brought back the memory of when Jacob had climbed the dangerous cliff to pick it for my love. I recalled the way he'd looked, coming down with the flower stem in his teeth.

So long I had wanted. So many days' I'd dreamed of him in secret. I let the tears flow free as I grieved for my lost love. Jasper was everything that I'd ever believed I needed and wanted. He was the perfect lover, gracious and considerate and oh so faithful. He would never leave me. He was predictable and dependable. What man, who enjoyed the company of other men, would not want such a lover? I knew that I did not deserve him. I'd kept up the ruse so well, too well in fact. Jasper often asked me if I ever thought of Jacob and I would immediately stiffen and remind him that I did not wish that name to be mentioned in my presence. After a time, he had ceased talk about the boy at all.

The morning sun shone warm through the window as I sat with the book in my lap and remembered our adventure, our journey. I sent a silent prayer to God on that Easter morning, a day of renewal, that he take good care of Jacob, that he forgive me my sins and that he allow me to continue to have my Jasper though I was hardly the type of man to be speaking directly to God. I was surprised that He did not simply send a thunderbolt down to end me for having the gall to address the Lord of all, with such a blasphemous request.

Jasper and I had argued over the personal things that I'd had in the vault. I left it open that morning to show him that it was empty. He believed I'd burnt the things but I had not been able to do so. I'd removed everything and taken it to the safe in my father's old room. Jasper did not know about that safe. Neither did Charlie or Isabella. Only Emmett and I knew of its existence. Within the vault were the important papers dealing with Cullenwood and my nobility rights. Stowed there also, were my treasures from the Amazon, though I honored Jasper's will by refusing to look at them. Just knowing they were in the house was enough for me.

"You hate me now because I made you burn the gifts, don't you?" he'd cried at me in a fit of anger.

"No, my love, I should never have accepted them. I should never have done the things I did to cause you such pain. I loved you and yet I treated you as a second choice. There can be no forgiveness for that. You had every right to demand it of me."

I had always conceded to him in matters of the heart ever since that disagreement. Jasper had changed in the Amazon but so had I. I am told that time heals all wounds and erases all hurts but some wounds never heal and some hurts just go too deep. I would never forget his eyes, his face, and his voice. The final correspondence I'd received a month ago from the monks, had been to notify me that the Warao people had come under attack and they had been forced to move deeper into the jungle to protect the tribe from their enemies. The monks indicated that the rafts men no longer made trade with the tribe and they had no means of contacting them. He was lost to me forever. Even if fate had led me back there, I would have no way of finding him.

I closed the book and put it back on the table. I longed to hold the necklace he'd made for me but I was in no shape to make the trip to my father's room. I lay back and stared at the ceiling. Trying to call to mind my life before I'd meet Jasper, before I'd known I needed the love of other men to be happy. I'd been a quiet lad, obedient and respectful. I had never caused my father any grief. If he had known about my secret life, he never let on. My mother had passed before him, of the same ailment that took him from me. I'd barely known her as she had been a reclusive woman, preferring to remain aloof from the family and from her children. Emmett had been my companion but he was ever the boisterous and adventurous young man.

I often wondered if Emmett knew about Jasper and me. I supposed he suspected it. I was certain that Charlie did. Emmett wasn't the type of brother to make accusations. He had better things to do with his life. I sighed and waited for Jasper to return. The time passed quickly and soon enough, I heard voices in the hall. The door to my suite opened and Jasper came in, dressed in his best suit of clothes. I watched him close and lock the doors before coming to me. He had in his hands a basket of treats which he had brought home to me from the ladies at the church. They knew I was bedridden and thought it best if they send along some Easter cheer. I did appreciate their kind thoughts but I didn't feel deserving of it.

"My love, you should have heard the choir today. They sang so well. It was just lovely to hear those voices raised in praise like that. Oh, imagine what Jacob would have thought…" Jasper trailed off, suddenly aware that he'd broken the rule about using the boy's name in front of me. "I'm sorry, Edward," he said, despondently. "Sometimes I forget myself. It's just that he loved the Miserere so much."

"I understand love and yes, he would have enjoyed it. I often thought that he would have loved to go to a service like that to hear the singing as it was meant to be heard. Let us not talk further about it. Tell me; were Emmett and his family in attendance?" I asked.

"Oh, yes, they are here now. Emmett is coming up to speak with you. He sent me ahead to be sure you were decent. Alice wants to see her uncle as well."

Jasper slipped out to fetch my family and I poked about in the basket of candy and chocolates, noticing that one of the fine ladies had been kind enough to put in a bottle of wine. The door opened and Emmett came lumbering in, his daughter on his arm. "Edward, how's the leg?" he asked as he pulled a chair up close to the bed and sat down, Alice leaning against his shoulder.

"It's better, not so much pain now. How are you and Rosalie? Alice is a pretty as ever," I said, smiling fondly at my adorable niece.

"We are well. Rosalie says to tell you hello but she can't make the stairs in her condition. The doctor told her the baby will be coming any day now and she is trying to take things at ease. We can't stay long but I felt it would be amiss not to come wish my older brother a happy Easter. Tell me, Edward, are you happy?"

His question caught me off guard and I was not prepared to answer it. I coughed to clear my throat and buy me a few precious seconds to formulate my answer. "Emmett, why would you ask me such a thing? I am happy. Why ever would I not be?"

"Ever since you came back from the Amazon, you seem so different. It's been a year now and I'd have thought that you would be over it by now, whatever it was that had you so despondent. Wont' you tell me why you are so sad?"

Again, I stalled but I decided to let him know the reason for it. "My dear Alice, won't you see if your mother needs anything? Here, take her some of the candy in this basket," I said, holding out the basket to Alice. She took it from me and bowed to her father, then breezed out, closing the doors behind her. I motioned for Emmett to come closer.

"Emmett, would you do two things for me? First, find Jasper and tell him that you need to speak alone with me and that we are not to be disturbed. When you are certain that he is out of your line of vision, go to father's room, work the combination and bring me the items in the wooden chest that are within the vault."

He nodded and left the room without another word. I waited for what seemed an eternity until I heard his heavy footfalls outside my door. When he entered the room, he was bearing before him, the wooden crate I'd stowed the treasures in. He came to the bed and sat it carefully on the floor before locking the doors behind him.

"Inside this crate are the things that we brought from the Amazon. Jasper asked me to burn them but I could not. Please take them out and I will tell you the reason for my grief. I ask you to bear with me as I spin my tale and hold your judgment until I am done speaking. There inside the folded leather you will find a photograph. Please take it out and look closely at it. What do you see there?" I asked him.

He held up the picture so that he could study it and then turned to me. "I see a pair of young natives, a boy and a girl. They look like siblings. They appear to be standing in front of some kind of church. Are these the guides you spoke of?" he asked.

"Yes, they are Jacob and Leah. She spoke English but he did not. Emmett, you know that I live differently from other men and I have never tried to scandalize the family or anyone close to us by behaving in an untoward way. As you know, Jasper and I are… more than friends. Well, that young man in the picture… Emmett, I fell in love with him and Jasper tolerated it at first but now he refuses me to have any further contact with him, no letters, I can send no gifts. The monks just recently informed me that the tribe fell under attack from their enemies and had to move deeper into the jungle. I have no way to ever find him again."

My hands went up to cover my face and I began to sob. I'd not realized how deep the hurt was. I'd just confided my darkest secret to my younger brother and now I had no choice but to set in his judgment. He was quiet but I felt his big hand on my shoulder as he tried to give me comfort in the only way he knew how.

"Edward, you need to decide for yourself what it is that you want. You have only one life and you will have to make the decision how to spend it. If you love this boy and you cannot live in happiness without him, then let Jasper go and return to the Amazon. Hire a guide and search for him. Did he feel the same as you?"

I sniffed and raised my head, leaning back against the pillows with a resigned sigh. "He was not free to make that decision. He was too young. I….we… that is I tried to seduce him but I didn't take my advances too far. I showed him pleasure but I did not lay with him. He was innocent in that regard when I left him. He will be the shaman of the tribe someday. When last I heard from his sister, she indicated that his father had chosen a bride for him. He is moving on with his life as well he should but I… Emmett, I cannot. God knows I've tried. I do love Jasper. I will always love Jasper but for some reason, I can't get Jacob out of my head. Jasper thinks I destroyed these things and he must go on thinking that. I've caused him enough pain."

"Edward, you are lying to yourself and Jasper if you continue to make him believe that you are over this pain."

"I know, Emmett but what choice do I have?" I asked.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He said nothing further, what could he say? My fate was sealed. "He is beyond me now, Emmett. I have Jasper and I will love him because I do love him and it's what he deserves."

"As you will, brother but I would love to see you smiling again and not have it veiled with the sadness that lurks just beneath the surface."

Emmett took the things back to the vault and locked them in before he left with his family. I had myself composed by the time Jasper returned. Somehow, talking with Emmett had helped though nothing had really been resolved.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. I now walked with a limp and had to use a cane to cross any distance. I didn't mind it. Jasper and I still did everything together that we had always done. I often looked at myself in the mirror. I had never been a vain man but I hadn't failed to notice that the years were finally beginning to show on my face. I was 43 years old. Jacob would have been around 30 had he survived all these years.

It was in that summer of 1949, when Jasper's health took another turn for the worse. That summer had been hot and wet and it had wreaked havoc on his lungs. He'd spend the time inside, covering his cough with a handkerchief and insisting that he was fine. When autumn came, he was better. The cooler temperatures made breathing easier for him. I often thought that perhaps I ought to take him somewhere nicer like the American West, where it was said people went to take the good air. Jasper would have none of it. I wanted him to go home to Texas. I offered to go with him but he refused.

"London is my home, now, Edward and I don't want to go back."

I had given in to him. What else could I do? Alice had married and moved north to Scotland. She was a happy mother of her own with sweet little twins, Alec and Jane. They looked much like her. Bella and James came to visit Charlie, bringing their brood along. Charlie had suffered a small stroke that left the right side of his body somewhat stiff. He would grouch if anyone tried to help him and he still managed to do most everything he'd always done. Life went on at Cullenwood. I had gone on as well. It had been 15 years since I'd allowed myself to think of Jacob or say his name. I'd put it behind me.

The years had been good to me and to Jasper. Consumption took thousands of lives every year but God had answered my prayers in allowing me to keep Jasper with me all these years. I knew, however, as I sat with him that afternoon, that it would be his last winter. He'd asked me to read to him and I'd chosen one of his favorite books. We were in mid chapter when he suddenly reached out and took my hand in his.

"Love, when I'm gone, I want you to do something for me, please."

I took off my spectacles and squeezed his hand. "Jasper, don't speak of such things," I chided him.

"Listen to me, I need your word that you will do as I ask!" he insisted. "You have been more than kind to me all these years since. You stayed with me when I know it was another's touch you wanted. You loved me with all your will and you gave of yourself to me, sacrificing your own happiness to ensure that I would not be alone. You will never know what that meant to me. I am leaving you now and I want to be assured that you will not be alone. Promise me, promise me and mean the words when you speak them. The day you lay me to rest in the tomb, promise me that you will seek him out. You will leave here, go back there and you will find him, your wild, native prince. He is still there, waiting for you, my love, in that jungle. Go back and love him the way you wanted to do when we were very young men. He will be a man now and there will be nothing in the way of it. Promise me that you will go to him and forgive me, for driving you away from him all those years ago. It was jealousy and insecurity that got the best of me when you might have enjoyed his friendship all this time. Please, please promise me…" he fell into a fit of coughing, blood staining the handkerchief.

I took him into my arms and held him close. I could not speak and I could barely breathe. After some time, I regained my composure and looked deep into those jade eyes. I put my hands on either side of his face and forced my emotions down deep. "Love, I will not leave you," I vowed.

"You will and you must. When you lay me to rest, go to him."

I held him in my arms and stroked my fingers through his hair. "I will do it if that is your will," I answered.

"It is my will," he replied.

Those were the last words he ever spoke to me. I lay with him that night and just before the sun rose at dawn, he left me. I held his hand as I felt the warmth go out of it. I watched as the man I loved went to God, nothing behind him but the shell of a body that had held him down in its last years, broken with sickness. Jasper had only been 39 years old. It did not seem fair.

I put him in the crypt next to my father and mother. I placed the dried orchids in his hands. He had treasured them above all his possessions. His father had been notified by telegram that Jasper was ill but he had been too busy to tear himself away from his business. They sent flowers but didn't come for the funeral. I doubted Jasper would have minded. He'd become estranged from his father in these last years. Time and distance had driven them apart. I blamed myself for it.

For days and days uncounted, I grieved for him, spending all my time in the crypt, talking to him endlessly. I sat in the garden and stared at the roses, remembering how Jasper had once wanted to be a world famous botanist. His weak lungs had taken that dream from him. I had been given everything, even the love of a beautiful man and he had been given so much less. He had loved me unconditionally and I had loved him through a veil. For him, it had been enough. I longed for death, wishing that it might take me to be with him. I prayed for it each and every day but it never came.

I was sitting before the fire, dosing in my chair when he came to me. I saw him as clearly as I saw the flickering flames. He stood there, young, strong, his jade eyes flashing at me and he spoke to me.

"You have not done as I asked of you. Why? Leave this place to Emmett and go! You told me that you would but yet you have not. What do you wait for, Edward? He is still there, he waits for you. Go to him! Go!"

"Jasper!" I screamed as I stood and upset the small table next to me. "Wait, don't leave me, don't leave…" he was gone. I slumped down in the chair and gave way to miserable sobs. How could I ever go back? There was no way I would ever be able to find him. How could I know if he even still lived? Who there, would be able to help me find him? It was madness! No, I would stay here and dream of Jasper. I would wait for the sentence of my life to pass and I would be with him again. There was no other choice. Jacob was a dream and a chance lost. There could be no going back.


	23. Chapter 23

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty-Three

The nights were too long and too cold without him. I grieved for him and I could not find the way to let him go. Day after empty day passed with no reprieve from it. I was in my father's study that afternoon when Emmett came to see me. I was reviewing my will, and my legal papers. I wanted to be certain that everything was in order and that I'd left nothing to chance. The knock on the door drew my attention away from my task.

"Edward, what the bloody hell was so damn important that you had to see me this morning and not tomorrow?" Emmett asked in exasperation as he folded his big frame into the chair opposite me.

"I wanted to go over this will and testament with you. In the event of my death, Cullenwood and everything that I possess will go to you. The house, grounds, stocks and bonds, everything will be yours. I want your signature on these forms so I can forward them to my attorney. I need to be sure that you will be taken care of."

"Edward, why do you speak like this? You talk like a man on the door step of death. Do you mean to do harm to yourself?" he asked.

"Emmett, I have nothing left to live for. Jasper is gone and I cannot seem to move forward past this point. I can no longer find a reason to wake in the morning and I am tired of grief with no reprieve. There is nothing…" I trailed off, unable to find the voice to continue.

Emmett rose and began to pace back and forth, his hand on his chin, a violent look on his face. I felt the confrontation brewing and I'd known he would be angry with me but I had prepared my defense. I would insist that without Jasper, I had no reason to continue. Emmett would not give me the chance to present that defense. He charged across the room like a raging bull and removed the painting of our mother that covered the safe in my father's study. I watched as he worked the combination and opened it.

"You say you have nothing to live for? What about him?" He asked as he held the picture of Jacob and Leah out to me. I turned my head and refused to look at it. Emmett, however, was not to be dissuaded and kept moving it into my line of vision.

"Emmett, stop torturing me with something I can never have!" I cried, attempting to get out of my chair. He stood over me and pushed me back down into it.

"Look, Edward, look at him and tell me that those old feelings aren't still there. Look into his eyes and try to remember if you can!" he insisted.

How little did he know that those tumultuous feelings had never left me. They lived under my skin, just beneath the surface and waiting for a catalyst to set them off. I reached out and took the picture in my shaking hand. I brushed the tip of my finger over the image of Jacob, preserved in the perfection of his youth. The old longing flared its ugly head once more and I felt the slow burn of my desire for him awaken. I laid the picture down on the desk and shoved the chair back, walking over to the window and bracing my hands on the sill. I stood looking out over the gardens of Cullenwood.

"Emmett, I haven't had word of him in 15 years. The last I heard, the tribe had to move deeper into the jungle to be safe from their enemies. I wouldn't have any way to even find him," I protested.

"What of his sister? You told me that she was at university in Caracas. Perhaps there would be some trail there that you could follow. The monks at Tucupita, have you written to them as of late? Mayhap they have some word…"

"Emmett, why are you encouraging this madness? When I first talked of taking that damn idol back to the jungle after father passed, you were the only voice of reason that insisted it was foolish nonsense. Now you are trying to convince me to go on yet another wild chase?"

"I told you I didn't want you to go that first time, because I didn't believe in that dark-magic nonsense but if half the stories you and Jasper have told me were true, then I was clearly wrong and something stronger than us is at work here. Edward, I've watched the sadness in your eyes all these years. I've stood by as you lived your life the way you thought others wanted you to. You've done right by Jasper since you came back. You stayed with him and you were faithful to him in word and deed if not entirely in thought. Why do you think that you do not deserve happiness?"

"I'm too old to go back now, Emmett. He would be 31 years old. He's surely married and a family man now. What could I possibly give to him, scarred up with this bum leg, gray beginning to show in my hair, lines starting around my eyes. I'm 43 years old, Emmett. What would he want with me now?"

"Can you not just go and see him and then you will know the answers to those questions. Try to find him at least, Edward. Send a letter to Tucupita and inquire about them. Do this for me so that I can know that you are, at the very least, not going to do harm to yourself."

I turned from the window and made my way back to the desk. Emmett pushed a sheet of Cullenwood stationary to me and a quill pin. I took it from him and dipped the tip into the ink well. I hesitated only a moment, and then launched into the letter. I'd toyed with the idea of penning a letter to the monks for so many years that I knew exactly what I wanted to say. It took me only a few moments to finish my inquiry. Before I could change my mind, Emmett grabbed it away from me and began to read it.

"Post the envelope while I read!" he ordered and I complied, penning the address for the monastery onto the front of the envelope. When I was finished, he took that from me too and folded the letter, pushing it into the envelope and sealing it with the wax Cullenwood seal of the howling wolf.

"I'll post this for you when I go back to London. Now we wait and I expect you to begin getting your mind set for this. They will write back to you and then you will let me know when they do, agreed?" he insisted.

"Yes, I'll let you know. I'll telephone you when I hear from them."

Time passed quickly that spring as I waited for the response from Tucupita. I'd sent a letter much like it, to the university at Caracas hoping to reach Leah but they had written back to inform me that they hadn't heard from her for several years.

I was in the music room with Emmett, listening to Alice playing Rachmaninoff for us both the day the letter arrived. Emmett was almost as excited as I at the prospect of news. We retired to the study and Emmett poured us both a glass of Scotch while I tore open the letter and fell into my chair as I began to read.

"_My Dear Lord Cullen,_

_I am so pleased to hear from you again after all these years. I expected that sooner or later you would inquire about your lost friends again. I regret to inform you that I have had no word from them in a very long time. They no longer trade with the town and the rafts men do not go down the Orinoco far enough to find them. They removed themselves deep into the jungle in an effort to be safe from the conflicts that were brewing here after you left. _

_I can tell you that young Leah was a doctor, working among the indigenous tribes, when last I spoke with her. It has been several years. She was having supplies air-lifted and dropped in the jungle by a coleage at Caracas. If you need to know exactly where the tribe is, you might contact the university and make inquiry as to whether or not those medical shipments are still being delivered. Perhaps they can give you a general location in which to look. _

_I'm afraid that none of the rafts men would be able to take you by river to the location. The best I could offer you would be to try and find a guide here in Tucupita that would be willing, for the right price, to go with you into the jungle and attempt to find them. The Warao have become wary and untrusting of outsiders in these later years. I would warn you that the possibility exists that both Jacob and Leah may no longer be with them. You know how dangerous life in the jungle is and well, I don't need to say more on that. _

_I will make a few inquiries for you and see what I can discover. I am enclosing the number for the telephone at the monastery. We have decided to bring ourselves into modern times a bit and had one installed. Please call for me at your convenience and we can discuss this matter in more detail. I will close, by telling you this._

_When I had the unfortunate task of informing young Jacob that you no longer wished to have communication with him, he was rather devastated by the news. I know that he had been working so hard to learn English so that he could speak with you. He made very good progress even after you refused to communicate further with him. I have one last letter that he wrote but you instructed me not to send it so I did not. If you would like to have it, I will post it to you. Let me know._

_Sincerely, Father Dwyer" _

"Well for God sakes, man, call him!" Emmett roared as he snatched the letter away from me and reached for the telephone on my desk.

"Emmett, wait, I hardly know what to say…" I stammered off as he had already dialed the number, adding the international code. He held the receiver out to me and I took it from him with an exasperated sigh.

When the voice on the other line answered in Spanish, I panicked for a moment, then cleared my throat and asked for Father Dwyer. "Un momento," was the reply.

I waited for a few moments and then the line crackled to life. "Yes, hello?"

"Father, this is Edward Cullen. I just received your letter."

"Ah, yes, Lord Cullen. I'd hoped to hear from you! How are you faring?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid. Jasper passed away last winter and the loss has been… difficult for me."

"I'm so very sorry to hear that. What was the ailment if I may inquire?"

"Consumption but the doctors have assured me that I am free of it."

"That's a blessing to be certain."

"Yes, I'm trying to move forward as I know he would have wanted me to. I know you are busy, Father, so I won't keep you long. Did you have any luck with finding a guide? I sent letters to the university at Caracas but they informed me that they have had no word from Leah for several years."

"Yes, I did find a man who is willing to take you into the jungle. He told me that he knew about where they were but it has been several years since he went to them. He is willing to take you to look for them if you wish to go. His price is rather high, however."

"Money is no object. Name the price and I will pay it." Emmett glanced up at me but I meant exactly what I said.

"He wants five thousand for the trip," Father Dwyer answered.

"That is no hardship for me. Tell him I will pay it. Ask him when he can be ready. I will make the arrangements to come to you. Can I stay with you there at the monastery? Oh, and Father, would you please post that last letter Jacob wrote to me?"

"Yes, I'll send it to you today. I will contact the man and let him know that the terms are acceptable."

"Do you trust him, Father, this man?"

"Yes, he was once a Warao himself but left to come live in the city. I believe he is honest and I don't think you have to fear from him. His name is Samuel and he lives here with his wife, Emily and son, Seth. I think that Seth will be accompanying you as well."

"Good, the more, the merrier!" I replied. We closed the call with assurances that he would telephone me when he had talked with Sam.

When I turned to Emmett, he was smiling. "I can see the change in you already!" he beamed. "You're getting excited, aren't you, old boy? Tell me, what did he have to say?"

"He thinks he has a man that might be able to find them but it could be a long shot since he hasn't spoken to them in several years. This man was once one of the tribe but left to live in the city. He and his son will be accompanying me to try and find them. Emmett, do you think this is madness? Tell me if you do!" I begged.

"No, Edward, it's not madness. You've been living half a life for too long now and it's time you were happy again. I will support you no matter what but you must promise me that you will keep your head about you and not do anything foolish. This is dangerous and you know that but I think it is something that you must do. You must at least attempt to find him again, even if only to assure yourself that he is still alive."

"Emmett, how is it that you are the one who has the wisdom when I am the older of the two of us?" I asked as he lit a cigarette and passed it across the desk to me.

"Because you are the dreamer and I am the realist. Sometimes, it is not so very bad a thing to open your mind to the other way of thinking, though. I understand you, Jasper understood too. You know this is what he would have wanted you to do."

"Yes he told me so," I replied, fighting the tears that strained at the backs of my eyes.

Emmett rose and put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm here for you, my brother. I will do what I can to see you happy once again."

I signed the papers that gave ownership of Cullenwood and all my stocks over to Emmett. I'd transferred ample funds into a bank at Tucupita a week before. I would be able to live rather well with the money as long as I used my head. Charlie was loading the small bags of luggage I'd packed along with a steamer trunk into the trunk of the car. Emmett stood off to one side as we waited to be ready to leave.

I turned to look back at Cullenwood one last time. Chances were great that I would never see it again. I'd spent the morning sitting beside Jasper's tomb, talking to him about our life together and the adventures we'd shared. When Charlie came for me, I stood and ran my fingers over his name, then leaned down and pressed my lips to the cold stone.

"Be at peace, my love," I whispered as I turned and slowly walked away.

Emmett rode with me in the back of the car as Charlie drove us to the docks. The fog was thick over the channel that morning, just as it had been all those long years ago when Jasper and I had made that same journey. We spoke no words to each other, just sat in company. Emmett knew, as I knew, that the likely hood that we would ever speak face to face again was very low.

We embraced for a long while as the dock workers loaded my luggage onto the boat and Charlie gave my arm a squeeze. I paused to embrace him as well. I could not find the words to say goodbye so I raised my hand in farewell as they slipped into the mist behind me while the boat pulled away. They stood, side by side on the dock. I waited until the fog obscured them completely before turning away and lighting a cigarette.

I'd put the flask of Scotch into my coat pocket. I retrieved it and took a draught to calm my nerves, then reached for the envelope in the other pocket. It contained the photograph of Jacob and Leah, all the correspondence from them and the necklace. The other treasures were packed in my trunk along with mementos and photographs of Jasper and my family that I wished to have with me. I ran my finger over the braid of hair, then looped the necklace around my neck and tucked it beneath my shirt for safekeeping. I stared at the photograph during the long car ride along the coast of France. I held it in my hands while I reclined in the suite of the same hotel Jasper and I had rested in while we waited for the flight in the morning.

I had received the final letter from Jacob only a few days before I made ready to leave Cullenwood. Father Dwyer had sent it to me as he promised. The paper was yellow and the ink somewhat faded but I could easily make out the letters that Jacob had written there. It was the first letter that he had written entirely in his own hand.

_Edward,_

_I am learn to writ to you. It is not good. I try. I miss you and I wan to se you. Good candy you sen to me. I like much. Com to se me gin if you can. I grow tall lik my papa. You lik it if you se me. Can be tall lik you now. Leah say hello to you. Com to se us._

_Love to you_

_Jacob_

I'd read and re-read his attempts at English and each time I brushed my fingertips over his writing it made me more and more confident that I was making the right choice. This was a new leg of my life that I was beginning and I had no way of knowing if it too would end in grief or if out there, beyond the foggy horizon, waited the answer to my longings and the reason to continue living. Only fate held the key to that riddle and she does not give up her secrets lightly.


	24. Chapter 24

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty-Four

I sat in the garden of the monastery at Tucupita and listened to the monks. It was 7pm and they were singing Compline, the service they performed just before they retired for the evening. Father Dwyer had met me at the docks a few hours earlier and after a quick supper with him in the parish hall; I'd been shown to a guest room where I could spend the night. I couldn't bring myself to stay at the Cambria hotel. That had been our place, Jasper's and mine. The memory would have been too painful for me. I lit a cigarette and drew in the smoke, holding it languidly for a moment and then exhaling as if I could push out all the grief, misery and uncertainty in that simple action.

My eyes passed around the lush space. It had been so many years since last I'd been here; when I'd beheld him for the first time, standing enchanted in this very garden. That memory held so much emotion for me. I stood and made my way among the ferns and potted banana plants, to stand in the very spot where he had once stood, listening intently to the monks singing. Jacob had always been spell-bound by that sort of music. I wondered if he still had the Victrola and if it still worked. Though I had my doubts, I imagined that he would have played it until if fell apart or destroyed it when he learned I would not be writing to him anymore.

I wondered about much that evening, if I would be able to find him, if he was even still alive and if so, would he despise me for abandoning him? So much doubt and worry plagued me that at one point, I had myself convinced to get back on the plane and return to the safety and security of Cullenwood. But that chapter of my life had been closed. I could not go back now. Emmett was the master of that world and he was deserving of it. He had a wife, a daughter and a young son who would carry on our family's proud name and heritage. I would never have been able to do that for us.

I stubbed my cigarette out on the sole of my shoe and tucked the butt into my jacket pocket. I would not litter in the monks sacred garden. As their singing came to a close, I stood and watched them file out of the chapel and make their way slowly along the cloister to their cells for the night. Father Dwyer was at the end of the line and came out to me.

"Lord Cullen, would you join me for a nightcap before I retire?" he asked, placing his big hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, it would be my pleasure but please, sir, call me Edward. I'm not Lord Cullen anymore. That title I gave to my younger brother when he took over my place as head of our family. I'm not ever going back there again."

"But what if you cannot find them, the Warao? What will you do? Do you plan to just remain in the jungle forever?" he asked as he led the way to his private rooms.

I followed him into a paneled study, the walls lined with books, some rather ancient looking. He opened the French doors that led to the garden and pulled two chairs in front of them so that we might enjoy the evening breezes as we took our drinks. He gestured for me to sit as he went to a cabinet and took out two glasses and a bottle. I watched him pour us both a glass of wine, then he carried them over and sat down in the chair opposite me, handing me my glass as he did so.

"I think… I mean if I can't find him, I'll just return to Tucupita and remain here. I'm sure I can find suitable housing. I'll keep looking until I either die or discover him. If he is dead himself, then I guess… Well, Father, I don't suppose there will be any reason for me to…" I trailed off, unwilling to give voice to my internal thoughts on the subject.

"You speak as if your only object in this adventure is to find Jacob. Am I correct in assuming that?" he asked, twirling the contents of his wine glass and bending to inhale the bouquet.

"Yes, I won't deny it. We became very good friends and I have… missed him dearly all these years. I cut off communicating with him at my friend Jasper's request because it made him angry. I always felt badly about the hurt I must have caused Jacob in doing so but I felt that he might at least have a chance at a normal life with his people. The gifts I sent him, the Western influence we were having on him… It wasn't good for him. He would never have been happy in our world."

"What makes you think that you will be happy in his world?" he asked as he tilted the glass up and stared hard at me over its rim, his dark eyes seeming to see my secret sins.

I swallowed and lifted my own glass, taking a sip of the potent brew and trying to discern how best to reply to his question. After some thought, I gave answer.

"I enjoyed my time in the village with them. I found their way of life barbaric at times but I always understood that it was their way. I would never question their customs. The way they live, so attune to nature and in harmony with her, it just seems more like what God intended for man than the way we live in London. The Warao always seemed so free and happy. They were not exactly childlike, just more…"

"Innocent?" he asked, finishing my thought.

"Yes, I would say that is exactly how they seemed. But I liked best, the way the family groups were so tightly knit. No, not just the family groups but the entire tribe. When one was hurting, they were all in pain, when another was happy and celebrating, they all enjoyed it. Everything was shared and every man lived at peace with all the others. I wish we could learn that secret in the modern world."

"Ah, but we will not because the modern world is plagued with materialism, Edward. Even you and I, we are not immune to the desire for luxury and comforts are we?" he asked.

"No," I answered as I lit another cigarette. "I'm as bad as the next man when it comes to that. Tell me, Father, when last we spoke, you told me that the Warao were having problems with another enemy tribe. Have those troubles resolved or are they still at war?"

"The fighting has died off. There were some considerable squirmishes but the Warao were successful in defeating the other tribes that were after their land and the rights to the Orinoco. Their decision to move deeper into the jungle was due to food shortages and close proximity to Tucupita made them victims of men from the city who wished to exploit them for their goods. We had some difficulties ourselves with unsavory characters trying to steal the Warao people's furs and ivory. The local law enforcement put a stop to that exploitation but the indigenous tribes are always at risk for such abuse."

I took another drink and sat my glass down on a small table to my left. I leaned back in the chair, loosening my collar and stretching out. I would be meeting with Samuel and his son Seth the next morning. He had a sturdy, power boat that he planned to take up river. He and Seth would both be armed in the event we met adversity along the way. To say that I wasn't anxious would be a complete lie. I had to work to remain calm and still the natural inclination of my hands to shake vigorously as I sat beside the old priest. I could feel his eyes on me and I was certain that he knew more than he let on. Father Dwyer was no fool. I'd often wondered if he realized that Jasper and I had been intimate. I had now to ask myself if he knew also, that my words in regard to my relationship with Jacob had been veiled as well. To his credit, he said nothing further on the matter.

"Well, Father, I must thank you for your hospitality and bid you goodnight. I'll be rising rather early in the morning I would think. What time do you expect Samuel and his son?" I asked as I stood and stretched.

"He assured me that he will be here promptly at 7am. I'll have someone wake you at 5:30. Will that give you enough time to prepare?" he asked, rising to show me to the door.

"Yes, I would imagine so. I have very little to pack up and what I brought with me won't take much time to load. What sort of a man is Samuel?"

"He is rather stoic. He doesn't have much need for small talk, I think you'll find. His son, Seth, however is much more talkative. He'll entertain you on the trip. I sincerely hope that you won't have far to go and that you find them all safe and sound. Samuel journeyed to the new village site about 2 years ago but they were still having difficulties with enemies at that time and were thinking of moving again. By the way, he does not speak English so you will have to communicate with him via his son. Seth was educated here in Tucupita at the monastery school and he speaks fluent Spanish, English and the Warao language. I think you will like the young lad. He is around 16 or so; very personable too."

I thanked Father Dwyer for his hospitality and retired to my guest room for the night. It was a simple room with a cot, a dresser, and a desk and chair. I pulled the chair over to the window and opened it. I could hear the river not far away and smell the briny scent of the water. Tomorrow I would be riding against that strong current, upriver and on my way back to the jungle. I could only wonder what I might find.

"Sir, Lord Cullen, its 5:30, sir!" a young but deep and resonant voice called, disrupting my sleep.

I sat up and shielded my eyes from the bright lamp he held. It was one of the young novices, sent to wake me. He informed me that Father Dwyer would have me eat breakfast with him in the main hall and then he would have the novices help me get my luggage and gear down to the docks where we would be meeting Samuel and Seth. A novice brought me a fresh pitcher of water and some towels and then bowed and left me alone.

I stood in front of the small mirror and washed up, shaving as best I could in the dim light. I wanted to be as presentable as I could for the journey upriver. It seemed ludicrous to be worried about such a thing as being clean shaven, when one was about to make a jungle journey but I found tranquility in the familiar. Simple gestures like shaving and washing up had meant so much on that long ago trip. When I was properly done up for the day, I dressed in a simple button up shirt, rolled up the sleeves and stepped into my comfortable trousers and sturdy boots. I pulled on my suspenders and took my jacket up, folding it and laying it over one arm.

The morning meal passed without incident. I sat silently and ate with the monks who never spoke during meals. One of them was reading passages of Scripture aloud to them as they ate. I chanced glances aside at Father Dwyer from time to time but he too was silent. I waited until he was finished, then when he rose; I did so also and followed him into the hall. He sent for the novices and they brought my luggage down to the hall and placed it on a small wagon that was hitched to a mule. Father and I walked behind it down to the docks and stood by while everything was loaded into a flat-bottom skiff boat that Father told me belonged to Samuel.

I had an hour to pass while I waited for my guide and his son. I sat just inside the door to the monastery, the money for Samuel's services tucked into the front pocket of my breeches. I found it difficult to just sit silently and Father Dwyer came out to me from time to time and passed a few words but he had his duties and I didn't wish to keep him from them. After what seemed an eternity, there was a knock at the front doors and one of the novices ran to open them.

I stood up and turned to watch as two men, clearly Warao from their appearance, stepped over the threshold and into view. The novice was speaking Spanish to them and he turned to gesture toward me. The older of the men, Samuel, I presumed, walked over and extended his hand to me, giving me the once over as he did so. I gripped his hand firmly and returned the appraisal. He was tall and lean with short, black hair and piercing eyes. He did not give off the impression of a particularly friendly man but yet he did not seem hostile either. The boy with him, however, was quite another story. I handed the stack of money, exchanged for the local currency, over to Samuel and as he counted it out, Seth began to speak.

"Hello, Lord Cullen, I'm Seth, this is my father, Sam. I can speak very good English but my father can't speak any. I'll translate for you. Are you ready to be off? My father is anxious to be getting started. He thinks we can make good time today. We'll be taking the boat to the old village site and possibly further upriver depending on what the weather does. If it rains we will have to make camp. Do you want to travel hard today or take the journey easy?" he asked.

I was so taken aback by his flurry of words that for a moment I could barely formulate an answer. He reminded me of Jacob in a way but they did not really resemble each other. Seth was very lean like his father while Jacob had been more muscular. Seth's face was boyish and pretty. Jacob's had been more sensual with his fuller mouth and deep set eyes. Seth still had a child-like air; Jacob had been well on his way to resembling a man.

"I would like to press as far as your father is willing to go today. I want to find them as quickly as possible," I replied.

"Good, let's be off, then! If the weather holds and the boat runs well, we might be able to reach them near dusk," Seth answered enthusiastically and with a bright smile. I knew I would like the boy, Father had not been wrong. As if he knew I was thinking of him, he suddenly appeared and clamped his big hand down on my shoulder.

"Edward, it has been a real pleasure seeing you again. I hope for success for you in your journey and safety for all of you as you move forward," he said.

I nodded and swallowed hard again as I followed Samuel and Seth outside, my insides quaking at the thought that we might be able to find them before nightfall as Seth had indicated. We walked down to the docks and Samuel fed fuel into the boat engine, then after a few tries, got the engine fired up and gestured for me to get into the boat with Seth. I sat in the front and Seth behind me. Samuel climbed in behind Seth and the monks untied the boat and tossed the ropes to Sam. I turned to look back at the shore, watching as Father Dwyer disappeared from view when we rounded a bend in the river.

At last, back in the jungle, back in the heart of it all. Civilization was left behind me once more. Up ahead waited I knew not what but I hoped for nothing more than just to see him once again and know that he was alive and well. If he was angry with me then it was anger deserved. If he wanted to harm me for having the gall to return, then so be it. But if he still felt affection for me, even after all these years… That was really too much to hope for and I doubted if he would even remember me.

We had been moving for only about 30 minutes or so when I felt something strike my head. I looked up and saw, there in the trees, the little monkeys. I remembered them from the last trip. I felt a lump rise in my throat when I saw Seth tossing sticks up into the trees to them and them throwing the sticks back down to him. Jacob had played that very game with those little monkeys all those long years ago. As I watched Seth play with them, I could almost see Jacob standing there again. I could almost see the sunlight glimmering in those big, brown eyes, shining in his long, dark hair. I moved my tongue along the roof of my mouth at the memory of the taste of his tears on our last parting. It came back to me so strongly. I shook my head to clear those distracting thoughts.

Samuel spoke harshly in Spanish to Seth, apparently wanting him to stop playing with the monkeys and keep watch. Seth sat back down and took up his rifle, his eyes moving back and forth from one shore to the other as we went deeper into the jungle. I lost track of time as I watched the scenery go by. From time to time I noticed areas of burnt out trees and greenery. When I gestured to it, Seth told me that it was from the fighting that had gone on here. I nearly gasped in shock when I saw the bend in the river and the large boulder where last I had seen Jacob and Leah when we parted. I closed my eyes when we passed that spot. The painful memory was too much for me to bear.

I knew we were close to the old village site and when we reached it, I was surprised by how overgrown it looked. I could make out the places where the huts had been and I could see the remains of the village cemetery off to one side but otherwise, the place was desolate. Samuel slowed down as we passed the forlorn place and it made me sad to think that this place had once been their home, his and Jacob's.

And so we pressed on. When the sun was high in the sky, Samuel pulled the boat up to the river bank and put the engine in idle. He didn't want to shut it off in case we might need to get away quickly. Seth took out some food that he had packed up for us and handed me a few pieces of jerky and some dried fruit and cheese. We ate in silence, and then Samuel and Seth got out and walked a few feet into the jungle to relieve themselves. I didn't feel the nee,d so I remained in the boat looking around. When I spied a Sobralia nestled amongst the flora on the shore, I nearly upset the boat.

It was a beautifu,l black orchid, just like the one Jasper held in his tomb. The tears flooded my eyes and I had to look away again. "I'm so sorry, my love," I whispered low so no one else would hear it. When Seth and his father returned to the boat, I had my emotions back in my control again.

We rode in the boat all day long, stopping only a few times to get out for necessity and to eat once more. Samuel became more and more wary. Seth told me that his father felt we were getting close to the place where they were staying.

"Father says we will have to leave the boat and gear here and go inland a bit. He says there is a big waterfall a few miles in and that the last time he saw his people, that was where they were. He doesn't know if they are still there but he thinks that we should look there first."

"They are at the falls?" I asked in shock. Of course, that was a sacred place for them and it was still close to the river. The stream that fed the falls was huge and they could easily fish out of the pools and feed themselves well in that place. I told Seth that I'd been there before and he smiled and nodded as he handed me my pack to carry. We were only taking food and water with us.

Samuel and Seth tried to disguise the boat with sticks and fern leaves, and then we headed off into the dense jungle with Samuel leading the way and blazing a trail for us with his machete. We must have walked for hours. It was nearing dark when I heard the sound of the falls and felt its thunder beneath my feet. It was like turning back the hands of time again. Though the light was starting to fade, here beneath the jungle canopy, Samuel still had enough to see by and he continued on toward that sound.

Suddenly, he stopped and held up his hand. Seth stiffened beside me and reached out to take my arm. We were surrounded. All around us stood tall, well-muscled and very angry looking young men. They had bows drawn and fitted with arrows and were pointing them directly at us. My eyes alone moved as I looked around at them all. They were Warao, there was no doubt. I could tell by their way of dress. The biggest one looked to be about Seth's age. He was quite tall, 6 foot 4 I would guess. He had big, broad shoulders and a very strong build. His eyes were large, round and rimmed with long lashes and his mouth was full and soft looking. He was naked except for a loin cloth much like the one Jacob had always worn. He was very beautiful. I was spell bound as I stared at him. There was something so familiar about him. "He looks like…," I whispered. Seth moved to shush me but the young man had heard me speak.

Samuel stood with his hands up, and slowly lowered the one holding the machete. I heard him speaking to the big boy in their slow, rolling language. I watched as the big boy nodded his head then stepped past Samuel to look down at me. He tilted his head to one side while regarding me, and then the words that fell out of his mouth astounded us all.

"Edward Cullen," he said clearly as he looked into my eyes.

We three gave an audible gasp and Seth gripped my arm. "Do you know him?" Seth asked in a shouted whisper.

"He might be older than he looks. Perhaps he remembers me from when I was here 15 years ago," I answered as I inclined my head toward Seth and spoke as softly as I could.

The young man turned and gestured for us to follow him and we did so. The other's with him had lowered their bows and put away the arrows but were still watching us closely with suspicion. Seth walked beside me and Samuel in front of us as we followed the big boy along a narrow path. Soon, I could clearly hear the falls and up ahead, I could see glimpses of torches through the jungle.

We came out into the clearing before the falls. There was a circle of large huts, built up on stilts and in the round, open-sided fashion that I'd seen in the old village. In the center was a large fire-pit and around it were gathered women and some children. They all stood up and took notice of us when we drew near. I could hear shouts going all around in their language as they told each other about the strangers. I even heard a man call Samuel's name. Sam looked aside at the man and nodded but kept to his path behind the big boy who led us.

We stopped in front of the largest of the huts, presumably the Shaman's. The big boy gestured for us to wait, and then he went up the steps and called into the hut.

"He is calling for his father. This boy is the Shaman's son," Seth whispered to me. I nodded, my anxiety level growing stronger with every minute.

I could hear someone moving about within the hut, and then the red mat that hung over the door lifted slowly. The big boy was standing in front of it and I could barely see but when he moved aside, my knees went weak and I nearly fainted.

The man who stood in the doorway was massive, with broad shoulders, a sculpted chest, bulging biceps and a tight, ribbed stomach. His eyes were dark, deep set and somewhat severe looking. His black hair was cut in long layers and fell to just below his shoulders. He wore the ceremonial headband of a shaman, red with two feathers hanging down from one side of it. Draped over his massive shoulders was a red cloak, fastened at the neck with a carved, wooden broach and he wore only a dark loin cloth that stopped just above his knees. He held a staff in his hand. When he turned to look directly at me, I saw a healed scar that ran down the left side of his face near one eye. In my mind, I saw that scar again, when it had been fresh, when that face had been younger, when the man who stood before me had been a boy.

"Jacob!" I cried as the last of my breath left my lungs in an audible gasp. He was alive, he was here and he stood only a few feet from me. Jacob, my Jacob, I'd found him at last.


	25. Chapter 25

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty-Five

I could neither speak nor move as I stood transfixed. He was there, alive, in the jungle and living within a stone's throw of the very spot where I'd first touched him, where I'd first committed that greedy, sinful act of trying to claim him for my own when he was never mine for the having. He had become a magnificent specimen of a man, so much larger and stronger than he'd been when last I'd laid my unscrupulous eyes upon him. The boy who stood with him had to be at least 14 though he looked much older. The Warao men were all big, muscular brutes but their leader, my lost love, was the tallest and strongest of them all.

He took a few steps away from the hut, moving almost warily toward us, and then closed the distance in three, large strides. My breath would not come as I raised my eyes to look up at him, this man who, when last we'd stood face to face, had been forced to look up at me. The tables were definitely turned now. He towered over me.

Samuel began to speak in their language and Seth moved closer to me so that he could translate. I could not take my eyes off of Jacob, so changed he was and yet so much remained the same, beautiful and unattainable, just the way I remembered him. He was a thing forbidden to me so close within my grasp, a teasing, tantalizing something that I could never have and must be damned to be always desiring for.

"Father is telling the Shaman that you have come a long way to find the Warao. The Shaman asked my father if we had any trouble from enemies on the river and my father told him that we did not. The Shaman asked if it was only you that has come and my father assured him that it was so. Now, the Shaman is telling my father that he wishes to speak with you alone in his hut. You must go up with him. Do not be afraid. I do not think that you are in any danger but his mood seems volatile. Don't say anything disrespectful to him, please or he may spear you in the gullet!"

Seth certainly had a way with words. I swallowed hard and nodded, then followed after Jacob when he turned and made his way back to the hut. When his son attempted to enter behind him, Jacob put his hand on the boy's shoulder and shook his head no, speaking to him in their language. The boy nodded and stepped back, glancing suspiciously at me as if he feared I meant to do harm to his father. As if there was a chance under heaven that I could ever do so.

When I ducked my head to enter, Jacob's son reached up and pulled the woven mat down over the door to give us privacy from the curious eyes of the tribe. Jacob was standing with his back to me, facing the fire pit in the center of the large hut. We were alone. Though I could easily hear the conversations taking place outside the hut and smell the food cooking over fire pits, it was as if the world had shrank down to the confines of this small space and only he and I existed.

When he turned to face me, his expression remained unreadable. I longed to throw myself at him, beg for his forgiveness for abandoning him and plead with him to let me stay, remain with them so that I might at least bask in his glory. I saw him take a deep breath, his full mouth parting slightly to reveal his straight, white teeth. His tongue darted out and ran over his bottom lip as he shifted nervously. I could feel his indecision. Finally, he relented to whatever inhibition had been restraining him and he reached out and grabbed the front of my sweat-soaked and filthy shirt, pulling me tightly against him. His strong arms were around me, crushing me and his chin rested on top of my head.

"Edward," he sighed, the vibration of his voice rumbling through my body and making me shiver.

"Jacob," I returned as my arms snaked around his waist.

His scent was all around me and I remembered it like it had been yesterday. Oh, God, how I had longed for him like a man wondering through an inhospitable wasteland, longs for water. He was the only thing that could quench my thirst. His big hands slid up my back and ran through my hair as I tilted my head back to look up at him.

"I missed you," he whispered.

I could not stop the gasp of astonished surprise that escaped my lips. He had spoken perfect English! "Jacob!" I cried. "You… you can… you can talk to me?"

"Yes, not so good like Seth but yes. Edward, why you leave me? Why?"

His face contorted into a kind of mask as he tried to keep his emotion in check. He stepped back from me with his head down, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. His powerful body shook with the effort to contain his anger. The feeling was so palpable that I could almost reach out and touch it. I knew he had every right to ask that question but I didn't know if I could form the answer in a way that he would understand. I knew that Jacob was not stupid but I could hardly understand my reasoning myself.

"Jacob, Jasper is dead. He was sick for a long time. He has been gone now for 6 months. I promised him that I would find you again. I'm sorry that I left you alone here. I had no choice. Jasper tolerated a lot of abuse from me. He was my lover and I never should have… you and I we… Oh, Jacob, I never wanted to hurt you…" my voice broke as the tears began to come up in my eyes. Talking to him of Jasper had been almost too much to bear. The pain of his loss was still fresh with me.

Jacob reached out for me again and held me close to him. He was still trembling and I knew that the situation was mercurial at best. If I could only help him to understand…

"Jasper is gone? I am sorry. I know you love him more than me. I know you and me, it was wrong but I wanted you. You made me feel so good. Leah, she tell me that I should forget about Edward Cullen but I cannot. I have the picture and the presents you send to me. I cannot throw away. I want to keep close to me to remember. Why, why you stop writing to me? I am just learn how to do it so well and you stop! You make me cry so much for you! Leah, she hold me and tell me to be a man but I want to know, why!"

His teeth were clenched and I could see the anger coming to a head again. I wanted to ease his pain but my own was so overwhelming. I reached up and brushed my fingers over the scar on the side of his face, remembering that day when he'd come back to us at the pyramid. That terrible day when I'd though he was lost to us forever.

"Jacob, Jasper knew he was dying. He wanted to have as much time with me as he could and he asked me to stop conversing with you because he knew… he knew that you still held my heart. He wanted to hold it for as long as he had left. Please understand my position, Jacob. He was my lover. I owed him that respect to do as he asked me to do. Can you see? Can you understand why I had no choice? I didn't want to do it but it was the right thing to do for him. I did love him, Jacob. I loved you… love you too but he had to come first in my life. If I had stayed with you, think of what might have happened. You had to become the leader of your tribe, have a son to carry on after you. If I had stayed…"

He pushed me away and walked back to the fire pit, kneeling down to poke at the embers with a stick. I went to kneel down beside him and reached up, brushing his hair back from his cheek.

"Jacob, please…" I begged.

"You hurt me, Edward. You always hurt me when I see you. You come to hurt me again?" he asked, turning those dark, tear-filled eyes upon me. "Many people die here, my father, my friends, we fight our enemies but you, you run away and leave me, always hurt me."

"I don't want to hurt you, Jacob. I can see that you are happy now, that you have a handsome, strong son. The boy looks like you. I wanted that for you, happiness, and fulfillment. I can see that you don't want me here. I will go back with Seth and Samuel in the morning and you can forget that you ever saw me. It is enough for me just to know that you are alive and safe. I'll go."

I stood up and forced myself to walk away from him yet again. My legs trembled and my heart kept skipping beats. My bad leg was trying it's best to give out but I forced it to move, wishing I'd had the foresight to bring my cane but I'd left it in the boat. I ducked my head and lifted the woven mat to go through the door and heard his voice as he spoke the final words.

"You say you love me but you do not know that word, Edward. You only hurt."

I suppressed a sigh of agony as I walked out of the hut, resolving to keep my distance from him until the morning when we would leave and he could forget me again. Samuel and Seth had set up a tent a few yards from the center of the village and I went down to them. Seth had built a fire out front of it and was cooking some meat on a spit over it. I sat down on a fallen log and stretched out my sore legs toward the heat.

"What did Jacob say to you?" Seth asked eagerly.

"More or less that he does not want me here," I replied miserably. "I will be going back with you and your father in the morning. Coming here was a mistake. I'm sorry I inconvenienced you both."

"Oh, it was certainly no inconvenience! I always wanted to come to the village and see my people. Father needed to reconnect with his family here and well; you did pay him so much money! When we get back to Tucupita we will be the rich ones!"

Night fell heavily around us and I saw no more of Jacob. After a time, his son came over and knelt beside Seth. They began to speak hesitantly to one another and I listened desperately though I could not understand anything that they said. My eyes chanced to the boy from time to time. He was so big for such a young man. He so reminded me of his father when Jacob had been young and innocent and not burdened with the pain he carried now.

I wanted to ask about Leah, where she was. I wondered about Jacob's wife and if he had other children besides this boy. I longed to hear about the fights they'd had with their enemies. So many questions left un-asked, so many answers still unspoken. I struggled to contain my curiosity but it finally got the best of me and I took advantage in a lull of their conversation, to interrupt.

"Seth, what is the boy's name?" I asked.

"His name is Nakai," he answered. Nakai looked up at me when he heard Seth speak his name and he realized that I'd asked about him. He poked at the fire and regarded me with his solemn eyes.

"How old is he?" I asked.

Seth turned to Nakai and asked my question for me in their language. "He is 14 years old."

Nakai began to speak to Seth almost earnestly, gesturing toward me from time to time. When he stopped speaking, he looked directly at me with a venomous expression.

"Nakai wants to know what happened between you and his father in the hut. He says his father is sad and angry and will not come out and talk to anyone and will not let anyone come in to talk to him. Nakai says that he does not understand why you have come back. He says that his father showed him the pictures of you and your friend many times and told him your name. He recognized you from the picture because his father looks at it a lot. Nakai wonders why you would come back here to make his father sad again if that is why you came."

"Tell him that I did not mean to make his father angry or sad. Tell him that I came back because I was once friends with his father when we were younger and that I missed him very much. I wanted to know that he was alive and well. I didn't mean to cause any pain. Please tell him that I am very sorry for any harm I've done. Tell him, please…" I couldn't finish what I'd wanted to say, that I loved Jacob with all my heart. It wasn't this boy's place to take those words to his father. It was mine but Jacob did not want to hear it from me.

Seth turned to Nakai and translated my words to the boy. I sat and stared at the fire, trying to keep my despair at bay. I would not break down in front of these natives or my guides. I would hold it in check until I was safe at Tucupita. I would find a room there someplace off the beaten path and give myself over to the emptiness that had claimed me. I would drink myself to death and close the last chapter of my worthless life.

Nakai remained, talking with Seth for some time, and then he rose and made to walk away. When I stood to go into the tent behind me, Nakai reached out and grasped my arm. I looked back at him and I could see that he was staring at the necklace around my neck. It was the carved wolf and braid of Jacob's hair that he had made and given me so long ago. Nakai reached out and touched it, whispering something in their language, and then he shook his head as if in disbelief before turning away from me and disappearing into the crowd near the central fire.

The sounds of the Warao village at night surrounded me as I lay on the blankets in Samuel and Seth's tent. It was a large tent or else we would have been tightly packed. I could hear the thunder of the falls, jarring the ground beneath me, the occasional sounds of domestic life, a cough, a crying baby in the huts around us, and the calls of night birds and other animals out prowling about nearby.

Normally those sounds would have seemed soothing to me considering that this jungle, this village had been a thing to be found and discovered only a day or so ago. I had wanted desperately to hear those sounds, thinking that I would never again hear them. Now, they were a cacophony of rough noises that reminded me I would never belong here, never be a part of this paradise.

I don't know how late it was as I could not see the hands on my watch but I had drifted off into uneasy sleep. I woke with a start when I felt a hand close down over my mouth. The blood ran cold in my body as I imagined what sort of death I was about to experience at the hands of these wild people but it was not to be.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness enough to make out his figure kneeling beside me. It was Jacob. How he had managed to get into the tent without waking Seth and Samuel, I would never know. I sat up slowly as he moved his hand away from my mouth. He took my wrist and tugged on it, pulling me after him and I followed, as quietly as I could.

We moved like ghosts through the darkness of the village, the only light coming from the dying central fire pit. There was not another living soul in sight when we left the remnants of civilization behind and started down a well-beaten path. I knew exactly where he was taking me. We were going back to the falls. The place I knew well; the place that had haunted my dreams all these years.

His grip on my wrist was tight and painful and he jerked hard on my arm from time to time as we drew closer. I had to wonder once more if he meant to harm me. If he did, I would welcome the violence. Death at his hands would be the perfect demise. The darkness was so complete that when the falls came into view I was unable to see it. Jacob knew the way and led us along the water's edge. He was taking me to the cave. I followed as best I could along the narrow, little path.

When we got to within a few feet of it, he stopped and reached inside a pouch on his hip to remove a flint. He leaned down and picked up a torch that lay just inside the mouth of the cave. I watched as he lit it, the light springing forth and illuminating his face. It struck me how much that face had changed from a boys' to a man's. It didn't matter to me. He remained for me still, a thing both exotic and beautiful.

He took my wrist again and yanked it hard, forcing me to follow him and then shoving me with both hands onto the sandy floor of the cave. The small, secret place was now, not so secret. There was a woven, reed mat screen sitting to one side of the cave mouth and Jacob took that screen, moving it to cover the opening of the cave and shielding us from the outside world. The torch rested in a niche that had been carved out of the stone for it. A basket, sitting against the wall of the cave, contained blankets and other goods. Jacob took one of the blankets, shaking it out and spreading it on the cave floor.

His big, strong hands took me by the arms and thrust me down onto the blanket on my back. I leaned up on my elbows, looking at him, trying to keep my fear and also my desire in check. Jacob raised to wrath was just breathtaking. I could see the rage in his eyes. He was standing there in front of me in nothing but his loin cloth, the ornaments of his leadership stripped away. He was just Jacob, my Jacob.

I reached up for him without thinking, it was just instinctual. He dropped on me with all his weight, knocking the breath from my lungs and leaving me gasping in pain. His mouth slammed down on mine, hard and forceful, breaking the skin with the roughness of the kiss. I could not have cared at that moment. Yes, Jacob, rape me, kill me, I deserve it! My feverish mind reveled in the pain and the justice of it, his rage.

He knelt up, his knees on either side of my thighs, pinning me down and untied his loin cloth, casting it away. God but he was huge! Just as big as I remembered him to be and bigger still with age. I sucked in an involuntary breath as I watched his hand move slowly down over his body, his dark eyes locked onto mine. He began to stroke himself slowly. I watched as the blush crept up over his chest and neck, onto his beautiful face, his eyes fluttering closed. He wanted me to watch him. It was exquisite torture and oh so much worse than death.

I longed to touch him, to run my hands over that perfect body before me but I was afraid to do it. The fear was like a metallic taste in my mouth and I hated my cowardice. He looked down at me again, running his tongue over his lips seductively. "You want me, Edward? You forget what to do with me?" His breath was heavy, short panting gasps coming between his teasing words. I could smell his arousal and it was a drug goading me to do what I desired to do. His hand moved so slowly, prolonging his pleasure and my torture as I watched the beads of clear fluid being forced from the tip of his leaking cock with each stroke.

My God how I wanted him! My own cock was so hard, straining upward against my breeches, desperate in the need for some stimulation. I imagined that I looked positively wanton to him as I lay there beneath him. He tilted his head to the side and regarded me.

"You no like me anymore? Not little boy enough for you?" he asked.

I gave up the fight and tried to sit up, grasping at his biceps for leverage. I wrapped my mouth around one of his erect nipples and bit hard, sucking at the sensitive skin and forcing a moan from him. I tried to push him back but he was immovable and shoved me hard to the ground, then stood up over me.

"You like to tease. You give a little then you go away and leave me. You leave me wanting. Not tonight. Tonight you give me what I want!"

"What do you want, Jacob?" I cried in a hell of desire.

"You!" he answered, his voice low, menacing.

I reached for the buttons on my shirt and began to unfasten them as he kept those dark eyes on me. He continued to stroke himself slowly and I had to fight the urge to continue watching that spectacle. I pushed my suspenders down and stripped off the shirt, tossing it aside, and then I pulled off my boots and stockings. When I stood up in front of him to shed my breeches, he shoved me down again and tore them off of me himself.

I lay naked beneath him and I felt vulnerable again, just as I'd felt so many years ago in the dark alley ways of London. When last we'd been together in this cave, he had been a boy and I'd led. It was not that way anymore. He pushed my arms aside and dropped onto me again, grinding his hardness against me with such force that I feared it would tear the skin but he didn't seem to be in pain. In fact, he growled against my ear as if the action itself was enough for him.

"Want you!" he panted breathlessly.

"I'm yours," I whispered back and he captured my mouth in a biting, painful kiss again. God, his violence went directly to my groin. It was the hard loving that I'd been missing for so many years. It was the darkness that I craved in the heat of passion, something that my Jasper had never been strong enough to give me.

He drove his knee between my thighs and forced my legs apart. I knew that there would be ugly bruises on me from it if I survived. When his mouth left mine, he nipped and bit all along my jaw and down my neck. It sent the heat through my body, that pain and I tried to rock up against him but he would not allow it, his hands hard on my hips to keep me still. He licked around each of my nipples, bringing them to attention as his teeth scraped over the skin. I tried again to push up against him but it only made him angry and he raised his head up to look into my eyes.

"Not your will! Mine!" he hissed through his teeth at me and I complied, remaining still beneath him and resigned to take what he would have me take.

He rolled off of me and lay beside me, reaching for my shoulder and dragging me up and over him. He held his erect cock in his hand and began to push my head down toward it. I knew what he wanted but I needed to hear him say it and I held back, looking up at him as if I did not understand what he wanted me to do. His face was a mask of anger and frustration.

"Your mouth!" he demanded.

I could not refuse him. My mouth, he would have it. I licked my lips and lowered my head, taking the swollen, leaking head of his perfectly cut cock into my mouth and teasing it with my tongue. I pushed into the slit and licked around the head, flicking against it in hard, little motions. He began to push up with his hips against my mouth, forcing himself deeper into me. I knew I could take it all in but I wanted to make it good for him. Perhaps I could unman him enough to take away his anger. I wrapped my hand around the base and began to stroke in time to the movements of my mouth.

He gasped in a kind of sobbing moan and it went straight to my cock, making it throb and fill. God, the sounds he made! Oh, how I remembered them and the things those sounds did to me. I needed to hear it, his pleasure. I increased the suction and the force of my hand and he responded with a litany of sensual moans, pants and hissed breaths. It was enough for me. I could cum just from those sounds but he wanted more.

"Enough!" he cried, pushing me off of him.

I drew back from the ferocious, predatory look on his face and made to move away but he grabbed me and threw me down on my face on the blanket, the sand grinding against my body and getting in my mouth.

"Mine to have! Mine to take! Mine to hurt now!"

I could hear his words and I knew what he had planned. If he had had no understanding of it before, he obviously knew what he needed to do now. I felt my thighs being forced apart again and the weight of his body as he draped it over mine. When the pain came, I was prepared for it but it was overpowering just the same and if not for his hand over my mouth to muffle the scream, the entire village would have been awakened when I let go with a roar of agony

So big, he was so big that I felt as if I was a virgin boy again and being torn apart by this invasion. I tried to fight him, tried to throw him off but it was useless. He was just too strong. It was rape and rape at its finest. All my dark dreams of him, none of them did justice to what he was doing to me at that moment.

He pulled all the way out and then slammed back into me again and again, making me feel it, making me shudder from the pain and the pleasure of it. Sweat and sand covered us both, the scent of our combined arousals heavy in the air of the small space. His panting breath was hot against the back of my neck and his teeth against my shoulder hard and biting, marking me and claiming me. I was his to take, to have, to do with as he would.

"You never leave me again, Edward! You never go away! You stay with me. Forever!"

His hand slipped away from my mouth and I moaned, biting at his fingers when they traced the contours of my lips. He slipped them into my mouth and I began to suck on them, hard, biting and nipping like an animal at the saltiness of his skin.

"Love you, never stopped loving you, wanting you, needing… God, Jacob, missed you, love you my darling one, my lost one…" It was as if I was speaking in tongues. The words came unbidden to me and fell from my lips in a hymn of praise for my forbidden jungle prince who took me with all the grace of a rutting boar.

"Lies, you tell me lies!" he panted behind me, his fist balling tightly in my hair and pulling my head up and back. His mouth clamped down on my neck, sucking at the sensitive skin and marking it with what I knew would be dark bruises for all the world to see. What would the tribe think, Nakai, Samuel and Seth?

"No, Jacob, I speak the truth. I never stopped loving you and missing you. You can love more than one person. You can do it and I did. I do. I love you still. How can you hate me? Please… don't hate me!" I begged like a man in desperation for his very life.

Jacob eased the force of his violent thrusts, his hand releasing my hair. He moved so suddenly that I wasn't even aware of it, pulling out and off of me and gripping my hips to turn me onto my back. He hovered over me for a moment, and then reached for my knees, pulling them up and pushing them apart so he could take me again whilst looking down at me as he did so.

I reached up for him, struggling to draw in enough breath, the air burning my lungs, my throat. The heat in my body like a furnace of hot desire.

"Edward," he said it almost pleadingly and I wrapped my arms and legs around him and willing him down against me, into me again.

This time it was not so violent, not so full of anger. It was rough and needy but not vengeful. I moved up against him, using the force of my arms and my legs around his waist to draw our bodies together. His sweat dripped into my eyes, onto my body and mixed with mine. His soft lips brushed my eyelids, my mouth, the tip of my nose, even the lines around my eyes. I wondered what he thought of me now after all this time.

"Love me still?" his voice came, the intonation a question, not a statement.

"Always, forever, always loved you," I answered, running my hand through his soft, thick hair. So beautiful, still young though a man of 31. So perfect to me again after all this time.

I could feel his body tensing as his thrusts began to lose rhythm and become more like the desperate attempts at reaching that pinnacle of pleasure that was just beyond us both. Close, so close I could feel my orgasm beginning to move through me, my toes curling, and my stomach tensing in expectation for it and when it came, it was breathtaking and I cried out his name. I was lost as it crashed over me, throwing me into the oblivion that I craved and had been so long without.

He was moving still, still chasing his own but it was not very much longer before he fell against me, breathless and trembling, his lips soft against my neck as he mumbled words I could not understand in their language. He kissed a gentle trail up to my mouth and this time there was no roughness in it. It was sweet and loving and gentle. His tongue danced with mine in that long forgotten rhythm that we had once shared when time had been our friend and those we loved still walked the earth with us.

He lay against me, his head on my shoulder and my body supporting his much more substantial weight. "My darling boy," I whispered as I ran my fingers through his hair. "My sweetheart, my Jacob."


	26. Chapter 26

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty-Six

I awakened in Jacob's hut. He had led me back there after our tryst at the cave, insisting that I sleep with him and his family. Though he had wanted me to rest with him in his hammock, I convinced him to let me sleep on a pile of furs on the floor near the central fire. I thought it best if Nakai not awaken to discover his father and I snuggled up next to one another. The boy disliked me and clearly distrusted me. I had no desire to make the situation any graver.

Sounds of life around me alerted me to the fact that the huts other occupants were awake. I could hear Jacob speaking quietly in their language to Nakai and when I turned over to look, I saw the boy staring at me with suspicion. Apparently he did not like the fact that his father had invited me to spend the night in their hut. Jacob put his hands on Nakai's shoulders and spoke rather harshly to the boy, giving him a slight shake to emphasize the point he was trying to make. Then I heard Nakai's answer.

"Yes, papa."

So, Nakai could speak English as well. I wasn't really surprised. Paul had hidden his ability to speak English from me; Jacob had kept it to himself until we were alone. It seemed that speaking anything other than Warao in the village was looked upon in a bad light. I supposed I could understand why these people would hate Englishmen.

Nakai turned away from Jacob and took up one of the water crocks, slipping past my makeshift bed; he lifted the mat and disappeared through the door. Jacob walked over to me and stood over my prostrate form, nudging my shoulder with his foot.

"Get up lazy!" he laughed playfully.

I roused myself, stretching out my tired and aching muscles. When I stood up beside him, I was again reminded of the drastic difference in our sizes. When I'd left Jacob here all those years ago, I had been several inches taller than him. Now he towered over me and definitely out-muscled me. If I said that he did not intimidate me somewhat I would be lying. He reached out for me and drew me close to him, wrapping me in his strong arms.

"You sleep well?" he asked, his voice a deep rumble near my ear. I shivered and clung tightly to him.

"Umm, yes, very well, though I'm quite sore this morning, thanks to you. You really are a rough brute, Jacob!" I scolded.

"Sorry, Edward. You make me so angry when you leave me. I want to make you hurt too. Won't do it again, not like that," he apologized as he stroked his big hands up and down my back.

And I wanted him again, just like that, just that quickly. I knew it was impractical to desire such a thing with Nakai about to return with the water at any minute. I decided to distract myself with unasked questions instead.

"Jacob, what happened to Leah?"

"Nothing happen to Leah. She here with her family. She have a baby only two day ago. She can no get up yet. I will take you to her and you can say hello."

"Good, I was worried about her. Does she… is she angry with me?" I asked.

"No, she not angry with you, Edward. Only me."

"Are you still angry with me?" I asked.

"Only some but not so bad like yesterday. I will not be so mad at you anymore."

"Jacob, is Nakai your only child?"

His face became sober and he took my hand, pulling me out the back door of the hut and across the hard packed soil toward a little area enclosed in a type of fence. I could see wooden crosses and crude tomb stones within the fence. Jacob pointed to a very tall and ornate looking one. His eyes filled with tears and he brushed them away with the back of his hand.

"Nakai's mother is there. She die after he is born. She not strong enough to have him. Nakai, he was a big baby. She was too weak, got fever and died."

"Jacob, I'm so sorry," I whispered, caressing his hand with my thumb. "What was her name?"

"Rozene," he answered. "My father, he chose her for me. She make me a good wife but she die and leave me with baby Nakai. He never get to see his mama."

I knew it was sadness for him that I would never have for myself. I wanted to comfort him but I wasn't sure how much comfort he wanted from me. I wasn't sure how appropriate it would be for me to show him affection when others could see. I put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"I'm glad that you got to know her and have her with you for a little while, Jacob," I answered.

He was silent for a moment, and then he turned and took my arm, pulling me back toward the hut. He did not go inside, however. I followed after him in a hurried pace as he pulled me to what was clearly the second largest hut in the village. He did not pause at the door but lifted the mat and ducked his head to go inside.

"Leah, Edward Cullen," Jacob called into the dim interior.

"Edward?" the voice was weak but it was definitely hers.

I stepped inside behind Jacob and knelt down beside the central fire pit. Leah was propped up on a bed of furs on the floor beside the fire. She had a tiny baby at her breast, nursing it. Her hair had grown much longer and was tied back from her face. She looked older, more care worn than when last I'd seen her. She was between Jacob and me in age. I could see that the strain of being a mother had aged her somewhat but still, she was beautiful. Several children of varying age were about inside the hut, the girls working at domestic chores and the boys staring at me, the stranger who had come in with their uncle. A tall, dark-skinned man sat beside Leah and I could only assume it must be her husband.

"Edward, I'm glad you've come. Jacob missed you desperately," Leah said to me and I shifted my eyes back to her.

"Jasper passed this winter. I promised him that I would return and try to find Jacob again. He asked me to…" I could not finish the thought. Leah would understand.

"Edward, this Leah's mate, Jared. He come from Caracas. She meet him at the school there," Jacob told me, gesturing to the man beside Leah.

Jared nodded to me and reached out to shake my hand. "Good to meet you, Edward. Leah has told me much about you."

Jared could speak English with a distinct, Spanish accent. His hair was cut short and he was wearing a worn-looking shirt and cut-off pants. Clearly, Jared was more westernized than the others in the tribe but Seth and Sam were dressed much as he was. I wanted to stay and talk to Leah, learn the names of her children but Jacob would not have it. He told Leah that we would leave her with the baby and he stood up to go, pulling me after him like a dog on a leash.

Samuel and Seth were standing in front of Jacob's hut. They were planning to return to Tucupita and were waiting for me to go back with them. "Edward, my father says it's time for us to go home. Will you be going with us?" Seth asked.

I turned to Jacob and looked up at him but before I could ask him if he wanted me to stay, he reached out and grabbed my arm. "You stay with us, Edward!" he said, gritting his teeth together and pulling me back toward him as if Sam and Seth were meaning to steal me away with them.

"Jacob, I need to go back to the boat with them, my luggage, I need to get it…"

"Nakai!" Jacob yelled and the boy appeared beside us. "You go with Edward, help him!"

Nakai grumbled something under his breath but seemed agreeable to accompany me. I followed after Seth and Sam as we began the long trek back to the boat to get my luggage. As we went along, several young boys armed with bows and spears fell into company with us as guards. It took us nearly three hours to reach the hidden boat. Sam and Seth unloaded my steamer trunk and bags of luggage. The boys who had come with us were kind enough to carry it for me as I clearly could not. I did retrieve my cane and used it to help me as we prepared to return to the village.

"Goodbye, Edward, I hope you will be safe and happy here," Seth said, smiling and shaking my hand. Samuel took my hand as well and nodded to me. I knew he was a happy man now, returning to Tucupita with my money in his pocket. He would be a wealthy man. I stood watching as their boat disappeared down river until they were out of sight. I knew then, how Jacob must have felt when he was a boy and Jasper and I had floated away down that same river.

I turned and followed the boys back along the narrow path as they carried my luggage. Nakai walked beside me. "Why did you pretend you couldn't speak English?" I asked him but he looked at me, clearly confused and shook his head. "I heard your father speak to you in English!" I protested but he still shook his head and would not answer me. I gave up and walked behind them in silence, my cane steadying my injured leg and making it less sore to put weight on.

By the time we returned, it was nearly evening. We had moved much slower, the boys encumbered with my heavy luggage. I was famished and exhausted and my leg simply did not want to move any further. My body was tired and sore from the beating it had taken from Jacob and from sleeping on the floor. I had been careful to hide the bruise on my neck with a cleverly placed handkerchief but the bruises on my body would have to stay hidden beneath my shirt. Perhaps tonight I could get away to the falls to bathe and change into something clean.

Nakai instructed the boys to put my things in his father's hut and I followed them inside. Jacob was sitting on a carved stool talking with several other men. They all turned to look at us as we entered. Nakai went to lean against Jacob, draping his arm affectionately around his fathers' broad shoulders. Jacob smiled at him and gave the boy a quick, hug. He turned back to the men with him and apparently asked them to leave him as they all stood at once, nodded to him respectfully then one by one, slipped out the door and away.

I remembered the gifts I'd stored away in the steamer trunk and drug my exhausted self over to it, lifting the lid and rummaging about through my luggage. I produced a tin box of candy sticks and grinned as I held it out to Jacob. His eyes widened in surprise when he realized what it was and he licked his lips involuntarily, then seized it from me, tore into it and handed one of the candy sticks to Nakai, after shoving one into his own mouth. I could not help but laugh out loud at his antics. I had brought a picture book of London and Nakai took that, stretching out on his belly on a tiger skin rug near the fire. He was riveted on the pictures in the book and sucked at the stick of candy as he turned the pages in fascination.

I moved to sit beside Jacob as he devoured the sticks of candy, keeping half of them back for Nakai. I had a picture book of images in black and white of Jasper and me and some of just me at Cullenwood. I opened it and held it in my lap for him to see. He would pause and point to a picture from time to time as we leafed through it together; asking me in his almost broken English to tell him what it was a picture of. We dug through the contents of my luggage, the three of us, as I laid out other things I'd brought along. I had a few bottles of Channel perfume for Leah and a whole crate of candy sticks and records for the Victrola.

I put my clothing aside and told Jacob that he should probably not eat any more of the candy or he would be sick. He grinned as if in remembrance of having been that way in the past, then closed the tin and put it back in the steamer trunk. I asked him if he still had the Victrola and he nodded to a covered object back against the wall of the hut. He told me that it had stopped playing and I assured him that I would look at it and that I had brought more records.

"Jacob, why will Nakai not speak English to me?" I asked.

"He only know a few words. He no want to learn," Jacob answered and I let the matter go. I had moved up in Nakai's esteem after the gifts of candy and picture books and the boy seemed to like me well enough now.

Evening fell and still we stayed unto ourselves, the three of us, them poking through my luggage and looking at the picture books, eating more of the candy and me, just laying back in one of the hammocks, relaxing and dosing a bit in the sweltering heat. At last Jacob told me that we must go and eat. The women of the village cooked for the Shaman and his family each night and they had prepared food for us. We went out to eat at the central village fire pit. I was ravenous and felt as if I could eat an entire wild boar. Leah and her family had come out to eat as well though she looked pale and worn.

We ate in silence but only after Jacob had said some words in their language while they stood with their hands over their hearts. I remembered it was their custom to honor their Gods and their loved ones before they ate. I must have eaten more that evening than I had in months and feeling like a sated pig, I stretched out with my feet toward the warmth of the fire as the young women of the village danced around us, singing and playing on their wooden instruments. Nakai was fascinated by the girls, his black eyes wide, following their seductive movements.

Jacob smoked a pipe and sipped from a cup that contained some of the wine I'd brought with me in the luggage. When I chanced to meet his eyes, he seemed to be content and happy. I wanted to sit closer to him but I dared not. Leah was watching me closely and I assumed she knew what I was thinking. We would have to talk, she and I at some point but not until she was feeling better from the childbirth.

When the dancers stopped, the young men of the tribe stood up and cheered, clapping their hands and making cat calls after the girls. Even Nakai seemed to be engaging in that surprising behavior. I looked at Jacob with a questioning expression and he just gave me a crooked smile, raising his eyebrow at me as if to say "why not?"

I grinned and shook my head. Boys will be boys; after all, native or English, we are all the same. Well, not all of us. I wasn't interested in the girls, I wanted their leader! At long last, the families began to break up and drift back to their huts. I stood, stretching out my sore muscles again and nodded to Jacob as I passed him to go into the hut.

He reached out and took my elbow. "Where you go?" he asked.

"I need to go down to the falls and wash the filth off of myself. I want to put on fresh clothes," I answered.

"Wait until Nakai sleeps then I go with you," Jacob encouraged me.

We sat together as the fire burned down to embers and the village became still around us. Jacob and I crept back into the hut and Nakai was curled up in his hammock, snoring quietly. I gathered some fresh clothes and a small leather bag with soap and wash cloths in it then I followed Jacob as he led the way down to the falls, carrying a torch to light the way.

I watched him moving in front of me, the light from the torch illuminating his dark skin and making the sweat gleam on his back. I reached out and ran my fingertips down it, loving how they slid so easily on that sheen of sweat. He looked back at me over his shoulder and smiled. It did not take us long to reach the falls.

He laid the torch aside on top of a large rock and without another word, stripped off his loin cloth and waded out into the water, ducking his dark head beneath the surface and disappearing into the bubbling water. I quickly undressed and followed after him, forgetting the bath for a moment. I found him at the far side of the pool, leaning back against the trunk of a tree that had fallen down into the pool.

He made no move to stop me when I stepped up to him, pressing my body against him and taking his face in my hands. I ran the tip of my tongue over his lips, loving the salt taste of his skin, the faint tang of the wine he had been drinking. He opened to me and put his arms around me, pulling us closer and lifting my feet off the sandy bottom of the pool. He was aroused, very aroused and I could feel it against my stomach as we kissed, my own rising up to meet it.

"You want to love with me tonight?" he asked, almost shyly.

I was surprised that he would make the offer but I wasn't about to refuse. "Of course I do!" I nearly cried.

Yes, I wanted him, had wanted him like that for years, dreamed of having him like that, imagined what it would be like to finally claim him as my own after all this time. I slid my hand down the front of his chest, my lips chasing after, nipping at skin over his collar bone, his hard nipples, down the faint tracing of hair in the center of his broad chest. I gripped his hips in my hands, beneath the water and pulled him away from the tree, then gently turned him away from me, pressing on the center of his back to lean him forward over it. When he realized what I wanted, he protested and pushed me away.

"No, not here!" he said urgently, holding my hands tightly in his.

"Jacob, if you don't want to do it…"

"Yes but not here. Cave, we do it there.

"No, here, Jacob," I responded firmly. "And we do it now, not later."

He looked down at me, I could see him biting his lip in the moonlight that filtered down through the jungle canopy. I used the moment of indecision to draw him toward the more turbulent water just beneath the falls. The spray of water was almost stinging as we swam together, limbs intertwining beneath the water. I was hot for him, wanting like I had never wanted. My aching muscles forgotten as the heat moved through me. I needed to have him, this instant; I had to take him, to seal the certainty of it, our love for each other before anything happened to take him from me.

I grabbed both hands full of his thick hair and pulled his head back as I pressed my chest to his back and let him feel how hard I was. "God, want you!" I gasped breathlessly.

"Please…" he begged. I slid my hand down over his stomach, feeling the tension in his body, feeling the tightness, he was a coiled spring, ready to release and I had to find a way to calm him. I looked around almost frantically until I spied what I needed. I pulled away from him and swam for the shore. "Edward!" he called after me but I motioned for him to stay where he was, just beneath the falls, the tumbling water pouring over him.

I pulled at the thin vines that hung over the boulders near the bank and managed to get a good length of one loose. I took it back with me to where he was waiting and moved behind him again. He could not see what I was doing and he tried to fight against me when I pulled his wrists together behind his back but I was too quick for him and laced the strong vine around his wrists several times before he began to struggle in earnest.

"You let me go, Edward!" he cried.

"Never," I breathed against the back of his neck. "You are mine, Jacob. You have always been mine. I didn't have the courage to take you before. They all told me it was wrong but I knew I wanted you. You wanted me to do it, didn't you? Tell me!" I demanded as I yanked down on his wrists, pulling his head back against my shoulder. "Tell me!" I hissed.

"Yes, I wanted… didn't know what I want but wanted!" he cried, surrendering his innermost desires to me in that confession. It was as if time had turned back and he was the shy, timid but lustful boy in the cave, desiring but not quite knowing what to do.

I pushed at the backs of his thighs and moved them apart as I stepped closer to him. "Don't!" he protested and made to move away but he was off balance in the turbulent water, bound as he was. I held the loose end of the vine and I could easily jerk him off balance further. He knew it.

"Yes, Jacob, yes, I will and you will give it to me!" my voice sounded alien to my ears but I knew I had only this one chance. If I were to anger him too much he might very well kill me. I tipped him forward, forcing him to move through the falls and into the dark, little grotto beneath it where the water swirled in circles against the smooth rocks behind. I pushed him over against those rocks, holding his wrists tightly and keeping him still.

"You want to hurt me, yes? Like I hurt you?" he asked, turning his head to face me.

"No, Jacob, not hurt you, take you, make you my own," I answered.

I let go the vine and began to move my hands over him, his shoulders, and his back, down to his waist. I leaned against him, resting my chest on his back and loving the way he could easily hold us up, his hands trapped between us, pressing hard on my stomach as I ground against him beneath the water. My knee moved between his thighs again, trying to get him to open up to me; let me have my way. I moved my hands over his hips, down over his muscular buttocks, spreading them apart as I trailed kisses down his spine.

"Wait…" he gasped. I could sense his fear, that need to remain in control. I had to win him over.

"Just this once, my Jacob, just this one time, let me and then I will never ask it of you again. I will give myself to you any time you desire me but let me have you just this once," I pleaded.

His head sagged forward, slumping between his shoulders as he leaned heavily against the rocks. "Yes, I will, yes…" his voice trailed off and I knew he was struggling but at least he was willing to try. His chest heaved with the forced breaths, the water level reaching up almost to his nipples.

I pressed the tip of my finger very gently into him, gasping myself at the tightness, the heat I knew I had to have and very soon. He let out a hard breath and steadied himself, shifting his feet further apart and arching his back. I pushed again, the task made easier by the water, moving so slowly, easing him open, then adding a second finger just behind the first.

"So tight, God, Jacob, so… Love you my baby… Love you so much!" I knew I was rambling as I lay draped over his back and quested for the place inside that would unman him. I found it without much difficulty; we men are all made the same. I began to stroke firmly. His head came back and he arched further, crying out with surprise.

"What you do to me?" he gasped.

"Give you pleasure, that is what I do to you," I answered. "Mine, always and forever mine, you are."

He began to rock back against me, forcing my fingers over that spot again and again. "It will feel so much better when it is my cock within you," I promised him. "Let me have you, Jacob."

I removed my fingers and lined up, ready to take him, ready to consummate that long-lost love that I'd given up so many years ago. I pushed against him; lost in the tightness, lost in the heat as I slipped past the ring of muscle, whispering in his ear, coaxing him to remain relaxed and not to fight against me. When he cried out in pain, I stilled my motions and reached around him for his cock, taking it in hand beneath the churning water and stroking him firmly.

"Open to me, let me have you," I urged him as I stroked more firmly, taking his mind off the pain, off the invasion. I was used to such love; he was not, even if he knew how it was done.

"Hurts!" he moaned.

"Yes, my love, things in life that are worth the having always hurt sometimes," I answered, moving so slowly, easing him open, easing him to relax for me, take all of me in. At long last I was sheathed fully within him, that tight heat grasping me like a glove and then I began to move in earnest, one hand on his cock, the other on his shoulder, giving me leverage.

After a bit, he began to move with me as well and I could hear his measured gasps for breath as I struck his prostate over and over with each thrust as they grew in strength and force. "Feel good, my Jacob?" I asked him.

"Yes, feel good, please, let my hands go, please…"

I took pity on him and unwound the vine, tossing it aside. He moved, placing his hands on the rock to hold his body up as he pushed back against me, wanton with it all. I knew I had reached him, found the place that made him my lover, gotten through to him and now I could let go and just love. I fell to kissing him again, as the water beat against my back and ran down over me. I pumped his cock in my fist in rhythm with my thrusts as I took him and loved him and claimed him. Mine, mine to love, to keep, to have forever, forever and forever…

He was moaning and saying words in Warao that I couldn't understand but it mattered not. I knew he was mine and I knew what he was trying to say to me. He reached back with one hand, clutching at my hip and trying to pull me tighter against him, his head falling back against my shoulder. I trailed light kisses along the column of his neck, nipping at the soft skin, feeling the scratch stubble along his jaw line as moved my lips over him.

He clutched tighter at me and I could feel his body tighten around me. He was getting close and I knew it. I slowed the movements of my hand on him, running my thumb over the sensitive head and he cried out, letting go of me and bracing his hands against the rocks. I watched him; his trembling body as he surrendered to it, gave himself over to it, the pleasure, the erotic bliss of it. I wanted to go on and on but I knew there was no reason to deny myself further. He was now mine, forever mine. I let go and flew with him, holding our bodies together.

Lazy days passed with no recollection. I adjusted to life in the village and the people seemed to be accepting of me, this stranger who had come to live with their Shaman. I began to teach Nakai to speak English. It was Jacob's wish that he do so. The boy had decided that I was someone he could trust around his father but he was oblivious to what we did together when the lights were extinguished.

We had to, Jacob and I, be so very careful. Though he was Shaman, the Warao people would not be accepting of our relationship if they suspected anything was happening other than just friendship. Leah knew, of course but if she had shared that information with her mate, Jared, I did not know of it. She told me that she had tried many times to teach Nakai but he was a wayward boy and Jacob had been somewhat lax with him, letting the boy run free in the jungle. She said that their father had been much the same with Jacob when he was that young.

And so the years flew by without much accounting for time. I used my ample funds to help the village obtain needed medical supplies and two, flat-bottomed, motor boats so travel between the village and Tucupita would be easier. From time to time, I would make that journey, taking Nakai with me. We would spend the night at the monastery and I would call Emmett and speak with him about the family. Life with the Warao was good. I had finally found my place in the world, after all that time, after so much wandering and so much self doubt. I had my jungle prince and the memories of my angel Jasper, both of them were men that I did not deserve but that no longer mattered.

I lay in his arms each night and we loved. Always it was slow, gentle, and easy but when we were able to slip away to the falls, our loving had a more primal feel to it. Sometimes I led and sometimes it was him but always we shared equally. I had never imagined that I could ever feel so complete. The only thing that would have made it better and I felt damned for thinking it, was if I could have Jasper here with me, with us but he had gone beyond my grasp.

I knew such feelings were purely selfish and I was a very selfish man but I couldn't help but feel that if I had just stayed in the jungle with Jasper all those long years ago, so much pain might have been avoided. We could have all lived and loved together. Yes, a pipe dream imagined by a man whose life is hurtling toward the golden years. I was not a carefree youth, neither was my lover but it was wondrous and it was enough.


	27. Chapter 27

Wild Orchid

Chapter Twenty-Seven

August 3rd, 1965, I am an old man now. Time has been good to me, time has been my friend. Was my friend always but not the friend of those I love. Jacob died this morning. He was 47 years old. He caught a fever and could not recover from it. Leah tried and tried to save him. Nakai went to Tucipita for medicines, the women prayed over him. I begged God to leave him and take me. I pleaded in the silence of the night as he gasped his final breathes. "Oh, God, not again, do not do this to me again!" but God kills indiscriminately. Everything I touch is taken from me.

I stand with Nakai, beautiful, strong, the Shaman of the tribe and watch as the man I love is covered with blankets, his pyre set afire and his mortal remains turned to ash. There is nothing left, nothing for me. When he is burned away to nothing but bones, they gather the bones and bury them beside his wife. Nothing, nothing left of him but a carved stone. I am alone.

I have been seeing Jasper. For weeks now, as soon as Jacob fell ill, I began to see him, glimpses of him in the jungle, in the sparkle of the falls. I have been hearing his voice calling to us, both Jacob and myself. He came for Jacob but he is here still, waiting for me. I must go now to him. I know there is nothing to stop me. I am old now, 59. I have lived a measure of life that has been an adventure but they are waiting for me.

I have left the remainder of my fortune to Nakai. He can use it to better the living conditions of the tribe. I am sitting now, beside the falls the water flowing out and away, down to the mighty Orinoco River. I watch as it goes, away, away from me. I have been here, in this jungle with him, my Jacob, all these years, all this time. Life will go on, it will move on and we will be forgotten. In 10 years, 20 perhaps, no one will remember our names.

When I look up, I see him, my Jasper, my angel, standing on the far shore of the pool, smiling at me in the sunlight. The light is too bright, so bright it blinds me and makes me shield my eyes. He calls to me, I can feel him, smell him, and he is here. I listen and I can hear them speaking together. When I look again, they stand side by side and they are so young, Jacob, his hair long, his face boyish, his smile… and Jasper, vibrant, strong, beautiful, so alive… like he was that night so long ago on top of the pyramid when he found his strength. Jasper, my Jasper and Jacob, my sweet boy. They call for me. I must go to them. I will close this journal with these words. Love has shaped me, molded me, made me who I am, a man risen from the ashes of my childhood failures, upward through the years of doubt and indecision to this, the man I am today.

I am better for having loved and been loved. I will say this to whoever may find this. If you take nothing more from this, my life's story, I hope that you can see that love, even if it is contrary to what others, your world, your family, your church and your society tell you is normal, is worth every hurt, every pain, every mountain you must climb to reach it. Never stop hoping and never give up on the one, or ones you love.

Postscript:

August 6th, 1965 Telegram to Lord Emmett Cullen

Dear, Mr. Cullen,

I regret to inform you of some terrible news. Word of your brother, Lord Edward Cullen's death, was brought downriver to this monastery from the Warao village last evening. It seems that he died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. His journal was discovered washed up on the shore of the river by one of the young men of the tribe and I am sending it back to London for you. I am dearly sorry, Mr. Cullen for your loss. Your brother was known to us here. We believe that he took his life, over the death of his best friend and the Shaman of the tribe, Jacob. They were very close and it seems that he could not continue living without the company of his friend. The Shaman's son buried your brother beside his father's remains in their family plot.

Again, I am dreadfully sorry to have to be the one to tell you this sad news. If there is anything we can do to help you in this time of loss, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Sincerely,

Father Erik Yorkey

Emmett sat in a cast-iron chair on the balcony of the master suite at Cullenwood. He had known all those years ago that he would never lay eyes on his brother again and yet, he had always hoped that he might be mistaken. He folded the letter, running his hands over the creases of it, and then reached for the water damaged remains of Edward's journal. He put his spectacles on and carefully opened it. The writing was still clear on the crumpled pages. He had read the sometimes rambling tale of his brother's wild adventures and amorous love life in the pages of that journal twice now and yet still it was a story most fascinating to him.

He looked out over the gardens at his grandchildren running and playing among the roses and sighed, mumbling to himself.

"Yes, Edward, to love is a good thing and this life; it is a good life, a life worth living."

The End


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